How I got my family out of a travel mess, and how it blew up on me

drcam

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In early March of 2026, my elderly parents were booked on a cruise from Thailand to Mumbai on Oceania Cruises. They allowed themselves only one night at the end of the cruise before flying onto Barcelona, for which they had purchased J tickets with EK, where they would join a Viking cruise only 3 days after the conclusion of their first cruise.
Unusually for my risk-averse parents who are nearing 80, neither of them purchased insurance beyond medical insurance (and for their age they were very fit). So it happened that they were only one night before the end of their first cruise in India when EK suddenly texted them to tell them their flight from Mumbai to Barcelona the following day was cancelled.

At this point, they were looking at a more than 60k loss between them if their second cruise ticket wasn't going to be used. My father tried desperately in the middle of the night to somehow find a way of getting from Mumbai to Spain, possibly via Africa, but found no good solution. They really wanted to stay in business class and have the least disruption in terms of time and finances. Eventually, my mother texted me just as I woke up and I spent the whole morning, with great difficulty, trying to find them an acceptable itinerary.

There were virtually no good options. The only way that was remotely acceptable involved backtracking from Mumbai to Guangzhou on Vietnam Airlines as a one way, and then booking a return ticket on Egypt Airlines from Guangzhou to Barcelona, forfeiting the return leg of their Mumbai-Sydney flight and buying a new ticket from Guangzhou to Sydney. This was settled on, and, after EK actually refunded them the entire cancel ticket plus an extra $1500 (!), they had minimal financial losses and they managed to get to Barcelona on the morning of the date of the second cruises's departure. They mentioned that service was surprisingly good on VN and the lounge had lovely food in Hanoi, as did the lounge in CAN. But Egypt Airlines was not exactly on par with the other Arabian business class products, with an angle flat bed and even the dreaded middle seat (which they luckily avoided) in business class. They made it to Europe in one piece and safely back to Guangzhou.

As I had gone back to China to go tomb sweeping for my Nana and Pop on Qing-Ming festival (Easter Sunday or April 5), and they were arriving in CAN just before that, I decided to spend a few days with my mum and dad in Guangzhou. I was originally going on a 4-month trip but I needed to go back to Australia briefly in the month of April. This was where things turned decidedly sour. During these three days, I was constantly treated like a little, immature child, and it was akin to being on house arrest. I felt no sense of family, no warmth, no love from my parents. I had bought them gifts generously from my travels, and I had sacrificed my own choice to order entrees that they liked. And yet I was constantly told to behave, remember to brush my teeth and put my seat belt on, as if I was a little child, there was no affection in their tone of voices. Of course, there had not been any ever. I visited my parents out of responsibility and respect for the commandment to honour one's father and mother, not out of any love or anticipation of joy. But who would have thought that my dad would announce that he would disinherit me without a single farthing!

I still believe that I did the right thing in rescuing my parents out of India. Any child who had the ability to do so would have done it, and had I been even two hours late there might not have been any acceptable solution (except for them to endure a very long time in whY with a third world airline at best, or simply miss out altogether at worst). This has left a very sour taste in my mouth. My Asian friends tell me that this is unavoidable, but I have seen how my extended family operate and they don't treat their children like that. I am currently at the end of my tether and well, I'm out of words.
 
So sorry to hear this. But unfortunately it is common for Asian parents to expect their kids for the world, and shows no gratitude. They believe that you owe them forever since they raised you up. So you are forever indebted to them.

This would be even worse if they paid to send you to Australia to study, or buy a house etc.
 
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"This would be even worse if they paid to send you to Australia to study"

Unfortunately, my situation is unique as the median Asian "tiger parent" sacrifices a lot of their money for their children's advancement. My parents did not. I was taught to live the life of an ascetic pauper so as to not be materialistic, even if they earned a six-figure income. The worst of both worlds.
 
"This would be even worse if they paid to send you to Australia to study"

Unfortunately, my situation is unique as the median Asian "tiger parent" sacrifices a lot of their money for their children's advancement. My parents did not. I was taught to live the life of an ascetic pauper so as to not be materialistic, even if they earned a six-figure income. The worst of both worlds.

Likewise for my better half. She did not get money either from her parents. It took time to reset their expectations, and I mean years.

Are you the only child? Also are you married with kids? Them having grandkids helps a bit. You can have "more excuses".
 
You sound like a loving and respectful son (I’m guessing you’re a man from your handle, apologies if I have that wrong). I’m sorry you didn’t get any thanks or acknowledgement for the extensive help you gave your parents. It is hurtful when you have invested so much time and averted a disaster for them.

I don’t have Asian heritage so I can’t comment on the tiger parent thing, although my Asian friends tell me it is a real thing.

When I have had difficulties of a similar nature with my relatives, I have found the stoic principles to be helpful in reducing the hurt I feel. These are largely about recognising what is yours to control and what is not yours to control. You cannot control other people - I know you know that. But you can control your own emotions, actions and reactions, and the way you treat others.

In this situation, you have behaved with credit to yourself. You may find it helpful to your state of mind to accept that their behaviour is theirs to manage and you cannot change their reactions. All you can do is decide how you will react to them, learn what you will do differently in the future, or decide to do the same and accept the possibility/probability of the same results. Stewing over it will not change it. Again, I know you know this, and sometimes a good vent does make you feel better!

As someone who has lost my father, and I know my mum will go soon, I am glad of all the things I did during their lives, as I do not want to have regrets about not doing enough for the rest of my life. I wish the same peace of mind for you.
 
We were initially estranged from 2011-2 and then 2016-2025.

But relations were never good
 
Likewise for my better half. She did not get money either from her parents. It took time to reset their expectations, and I mean years.

Are you the only child? Also are you married with kids? Them having grandkids helps a bit. You can have "more excuses".
Yes, I am the only child.
I am not married and have no children. I chose not to have kids because I know that I would react negatively if they got an "A-" on their report card. I know that it is wrong from a rational point of view, but emotionally I wouldn't be able to deal with it.
 
Sometimes the only way to break a generational curse is not to create the next generation. For different reasons, but I made the same decision ❤️
 
No kids? Only child? I reckon your Mum will leave it all to you when they pass in another 20 years time. Age wearies the mind and softens the edges.
 
Sorry to hear of your situation. Even tougher as an only child.

I burned inside for many decades over family matters; coming from a “blended” family with step siblings and father who all put on a public face of we are all one family but the reality being the opposite.

I found a very supportive partner in life and my partners welcoming no pretenses relatives and friends and learned after much heartache that “family” can be people you choose and they don’t have to share a bloodline.

I ceased any efforts to pretend and connect and found I felt better for it and moved on. Its hard and it takes time but I am much happier for unleashing the self imposed shackles. At necessary family events such as funerals etc I attend, am polite with the regular niceties, but walk out afterwards with “I did my duty” and resume my new life and circle of friends without them.
 
"No kids? Only child? I reckon your Mum will leave it all to you when they pass in another 20 years time. Age wearies the mind and softens the edges."

Yes, my mum is the healthier and (much) more reasonable parent, and she is marginally younger, but of course she's not guaranteed to survive my dad. Dad being the surviving parent is the nightmare scenario. It would be very difficult to even do one's duty of properly handling his welfare in old age, because merely hearing his voice or seeing him is enough to trigger my PTSD.
 
But who would have thought that my dad would announce that he would disinherit me without a single farthing!

I’m not you and don’t pretend to know your circumstances but my first thoughts were (if it were me)
1. Realistically who they going to give it to if I’m the only child and is it all just bluster
2. Ive never depended on them since I left home and Ive done ok, so who cares, i can look after myself.
 

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