Hancock's Half Holiday

[Demon_fan]

Enjoying this TR! Look forward to the next instalment.

 

[TonyHancock]

I don’t mind the Hilton at LHR T4, it is certainly not one could call absolutely spiffing and they are not exactly benevolent with upgrades, but the Exec Lounge has a decent spread and a good drinks selection, and I like the 24 hour gym. (Yes I have become a MAMIL). The newly refurbished rooms on the 4th and 5th floor are small but well appointed - whatever that means. I’d say it is tiggerty boo.



Mistress Fortune was not smiling quite as much as I would have liked her to when I finally reached the T5 Avis office the next day and whilst I appreciated the upgrade to an Automatic, the red Ford Focus that this particular gearbox was attached to would not have been my first choice.

Being the sort of generous bloke that gives his time up for others freely, or at least a reasonable price, and is happy to work on his days off I opted to attend the August board meeting at Head Office. This had nothing to do with a) claiming tax benefits, b) getting some of my holiday back or c) getting Griselda to run around and adjust my itinerary just for fun.

The outcome was a minor change in schedule that had me heading out of LHR a few hours later than previously planned en route for DUB and another airport hotel night - Hilton again. Well at least diamond requalification would not be an issue this year - particularly annoying when it comes free with BA GGL qualification……pfft. I must dock Griselda another 10% from her salary for that rookie mistake, I could have been chasing SPG Platinum instead.)

I sighed longingly as I walked past the entrance to the CCR, right next to what is laughingly known as Fasttrack security. I knew it would be a while before I could enter this exclusive domain and get away from all of the OWE’s. Looking on the bright side I appeared to have got through security without any of the fancy electronics Griselda had packed being…… “ahem”….lost.

The BA F Lounge at LHR T5 is big, very big, which I presume it has to be to cope with all of the BA GCH’s (Gold Card Holder’s) I really blow hot and cold about this lounge. It is definitely not up to the standard of the QF SYD/MEL F Lounges or the CX Wing F Lounge, but the drinks selection is good and despite the sheer volume of OWE (Don’t forget F Pax use the CCR) it doesn’t seem as overcrowded as the QF SYD F Lounge sometimes does.



I plonked myself down in a seat with a footstool, plugged in my 6 port USB charger and started charging the many electrical gadgets Griselda had packed. I didn’t really understand why but Griselda had been quite forceful in this instruction.

For some unknown reason, and taste cannot be counted as that unknown reason given that it is known and also has little to do with reality, I have rather taken a liking to the chilli con carne from the self serve buffet in the BA F Lounge. It is not as dreadful as it looks, it really does look dreadful, and I found myself grabbing a couple of servings before heading to the gate to board a BA flight to DUB.

BA uses A319/A320’s extensively in it’s short haul European flights and Club Europe, BA’s J offering, is awful. Think QF’s old 737’s with “convertible” seating so that the J cabin could be extended/reduced. The J seats are Y seats but with the middle seat left vacant between pax. The service/food is J but in reality it is a cross between what we see as Y and J in Australia. this was a flight of just over an hour so even my delicate nature could withstand it - as long as alcohol was served.

The DUB hotel shuttle services are about as easy to locate as a politician without his head well and truly in the trough. The sign posts were at best vague and the four small bottles of wine I had consumed were doing nothing to heighten my innate sense of direction. Eventually after actually having to ask for directions, oh the shame, I managed to find the relevant bus stop and was soon on my way to the DUB Hilton.

The need to repack and my relatively late arrival meant I had no time to hit the bar and utilise the drink voucher I had been presented with at check in. (I contemplated keeping the voucher on the off chance I would return in the future and then adjusting the date. ) The DUB Airport Hilton is OK for a stopover before flying, the rooms are functional. There is no exec lounge which is always a disappointment. The overwhelming sense of satisfaction I feel when drinking cheap alcohol for free is something I always look forward to.

Unusually I didn’t have a headache at 4:30 AM when my alarm bleated out at me. My next flight was a 7:00AM and this was one flight I did not want to miss! No, no. not because this particular flight would be special, I didn’t want to miss my connection to BA1.

“Terminal 2 please” I said to the Hilton Bus driver.

“We drop everyone off at Terminal 1” came the response, “The terminals are linked.”

Indeed the terminals were linked and now of course I no longer had to worry about achieving my 10,000 steps for the day.

One painless check in later I found myself in a line at the Fasttrack security. Now here was an experience, it was something like those queues you see outside of Discos. (I believe they may be called night clubs in this modern age.) My own experiences of priority lanes (QF Domestic PB notwithstanding) involved having the requisite boarding pass/invitation or simply having proof of status. Not here, oh no, whilst that would be my particular avenue to avoid the masses at the general security lines I saw that leaning over to the security chap and saying “my name is on the list” also appeared to work. One lives and learns.

Being an expert on all things airport related I turned right and headed to the lounge which of course would be in the general direction of the boarding gates. Eighteen minutes later I walked back past the exit to Fasttrack security area and walked up the stairs to the lounge, happy in the knowledge that at least I hadn’t asked anybody where the it was.

There appeared to be only one lounge and the list of airlines using was bigger than the lounge itself, until I realised there were two halves. It was reasonable, no hot food offerings though but that was of no concern because I was destined to partake of the legendary BA breakfast.



Please note this was not Club Europe, this was a CityFlyer service and I was booked in J. The aircraft was an Embraer 170….whatever that is. Business Class was exactly the same as economy - not even a middle seat to satisfy my sense of entitlement. This won’t do at all I thought to myself, and then resigned myself to the reality that it would have to do. #sigh#



Breakfast cheered me up no end, a traditional BA effort and no spinach in sight. I recognised all of the ingredients without needing to google them and no need to have a celebrity tennis player’s name associated with it. What is not to like?



We had barely reached cruising altitude before we were on our way down. I smiled smugly as I looked forward to the exclusivity LCY was about to offer me. Oh those poor peeps at LHR.

 

[TheRealTMA]

Breakfast cheered me up no end, a traditional BA effort and no spinach in sight. I recognised all of the ingredients without needing to google them and no need to have a celebrity tennis player’s name associated with it. What is not to like?

View attachment 55268

What? No spinach? How are you going to recover your super powers to cope with the next lounge, TH?

 

[TonyHancock]

I had never flown into LCY before, and was very much looking forward to the exclusivity this small business airport was about to offer me. Oh to be away from the hordes - I may even have a glass of champagne - I don’t particularly like champagne but it would serve to enhance my DYKWIA status.



Imagine sitting back in the comfiest armchair you have with soothing music filling the room, scented candles give off a deeply satisfying sandalwood aroma, a feeling of tranquility and well being filling your mind as you relax, drift away and enjoy the calmness……..then imagine the needle on the gramophone* being jolted across the turntable and screeching at you whilst two removal men tip you out of the chair and shout loudly and invade your personal space. :shock:

Yes…that is what it was like for me as every one of my illusions was shattered upon entry to LCY which is, I was going to say awful, but it is just cough. There is no flight transfer process so a journey landside is required. The queue for security to return airside was long and worse than all of that there were French people in it! I called Griselda to give her a piece of my mind immediately. (I ensured I did not raise my voice though, the last thing I wanted was half the queue for security trying to surrender and slowing things down even more. )

Once past security it was no better hordes and hordes of people trying to find a space to consume whatever food they had purchased from the cramped outlets. There was barely room to move. It was noisy, cramped and the aroma wasn’t pleasant either. To cap it all LCY has no lounges.

I was on time too so this nightmare was going to last for another hour and three quarters. I decided to head to the gate - it was at least listed on the departures screen.

“Beep” went the scanner at the gate.

“Did I give you the wrong boarding pass?” I spluttered.

“Yes, you need to be at the gate over there” said the nice BA lady pointing back down the corridor.

I shuffled off in resignation, turned right and headed down a flight of stairs.

At this point my shattered world began to repair itself. It was if the great god of superglue had started fixing my shattered dream. BA had a special gate lounge for BA1…and presumably BA3. It was quiet, had juice, tea and champagne and a continental style breakfast. (I obviously refused to eat this on principle.) There were comfortable seats and small tables. I nearly cried, but had an orange juice instead.

I have oft heard airport lounges referred to as an oasis, but this little lounge, which was not well stocked with booze, lacked power points, showers, and toilets, instantly became my favourite lounge in the whole wide world - well at least for the hour and a half I was spared from the hell hole outside it.



The A318 that was whisk me away to JFK was parked up being attended too by all sorts of people in Hi Visibility clothing - it brought back memories of the PER QC, but funnily enough I did not feel home sick.



Boarding would be from the tarmac and the staff were getting prepared in the lounge. I made a move towards the door, trampling an older lady and a small child underfoot as I ensured my place at the front of the queue to board. My seat was to be 1K - I remember admonishing Griselda for nearly an hour over her failure to secure 1A . (She attempted to assure me that 1K was the better seat but I wasn’t having any of that.)

Sure it wasn’t Concorde but for once I really was looking forward to a flight……….

* I realise teenagers may be reading this so please click here to find out what a gramophone is.

 

[burmans]

Keep it up, this is a great read.

 

[TonyHancock]

So this was it, the moment that my trip had mostly been about. A flight to JFK on an all J aircraft clearing US customs in Ireland. It was only after Griselda had fully completed her research I realised that the A318 couldn’t carry the fuel it needed to get to JFK because of the shortness of the LCY runway.

It was all very leisurely, a casual boarding with plenty of space in the overhead lockers and I was soon seated in 1K and furnished with an orange juice - I like to fool the FA’s at the start so they are completely unprepared for the devastation I will wreak on the inflight bar after take off.

The seat reminded me of the QF SkyDroopBed but BA had cunningly added a footstool so that the leg support did not bear the brunt of the leg weight. The tray table was virtually the same and it appears that the entertainment screen was located in the same place as the MkII SkyDroopBed. A hanger was left for any clothing that required ………well to keep it simple......... hanging.



Shortly after take off the FA’s appeared with the drinks trolley and despite my strong protestations delivered a gin and tonic that was certainly not going to take any prisoners. They followed up with another one on the way back..... hic

It felt rather odd having lunch split up by a landing and take off but that is pretty much the way it works. the starter is served prior to touching down in SNN.



All of the baggage came off with us and we headed towards US Customs. I was only traveling with hand luggage so was pretty much first through. It was an utterly painless process, I resisted the temptation to advise the US Border control lady that “my name was on the list” and proffered her my passport instead.

Once airside again BA had a small area roped off to look like one of those VIP areas one seas at night clubs. (What is it about Ireland and the need to emulate night club experiences at airports?) I barely had time to sit down stretch out and look important to those the other side of the roped off area because boarding commenced almost immediately.

Lunch was served shortly after getting airborne again, it was all rather good and once again not a celebrity tennis player’s name in sight, nor, for that matter, was the entertainment screen. It turns out that iPads are handed out to take care of that.



After a well earned snooze it was afternoon tea time with a delightful array of little sandwiches, a scone, clotted cream and jam. It was like going back to an era where travel was sophisticated and elegant.



It was all very British….no, no, no, not endless whinging, council houses, curries, binge drinking, and young girls being sick in the street , it was more like your Downton Abbey British, although the lack of Coates Plymouth gin was a poor effort.

We touched down in JFK slightly ahead of schedule in blazing sunshine which appeared to come as a bit of a shock to the British passengers on board with one or two wondering if the tarmac might melt. Being an international Jetsetter* I assured them it was OK and the sunshine was in fact the correct sort of sunshine. (One for the expats there!!)

It felt very liberating to be able to enter the terminal as a domestic pax and how utterly wonderful knowing that a long line at immigration was not awaiting.

[Relatively Serious Bit]

This was genuinely an unusual experience and one I would absolutely recommend. It really was an enjoyable journey and whilst it wasn’t Concorde it is as close as I’ll probably get to a “private jet” experience.

BA has got an awful lot right with this……but they have got some important things wrong too.

You would be forgiven for thinking this is a First Class flight, it is not, it is Business Class, it used to earn at F rates with BA but not any more. (It is all connected to departing LCY I think) It does have that air of exclusivity that should make it a “First” flight, and I think that is what BA should be marketing it as.

The experience at LCY is chalk and cheese - it really is a horror story until you get to the gate lounge and that is the one thing I think BA really needs to fix. At most there are 32 pax on each of the two flights so surely it would not be hard to establish some sort of fasttrack. (I don’t know what check in at LCY is like so do wonder if there is something there to genuinely improve the experience.)

The iPad for entertainment almost comes across as LCC. There is nowhere to place it during meal times for a start. I didn’t get one because I always carry my own but the lady next to me was handed a battered old thing that looked like it had seen significantly better days.

The amenity kit is poor - photographs to follow.

On the return leg - which is overnight - pyjamas are not given out.

Also there is no access to the CCR at JFK through COS because it is a J flight.

The concept is such a good one I’d really like to see BA market this as F and make a few changes to make the on board experience that little bit better.

The food and drink was mighty fine and the FA’s were First FA’s, if I understood the conversation two were having during the flight to JFK correctly.

I...err...errr...Griselda latched on to the Ex DUB fares and snagged DUB-LCY-JFK-PHX-HNL return for approx AUS$2,800. I….errrr……errrr Griselda utilised ITA Matrix to get the routing - follow instruction on the BA FT Board and for $50 Amex Plat Travel sorted the ticketing out. The JFK-PHX-HNL return was on US in F. The price I paid was about a quarter of the price I would have paid had I started at LCY instead of DUB.

This itinerary netted 1340 BA TP’s, and it was booked prior to the BA earning changes being implemented so the LCY-JFK-LCY segments earned at F rates.

[/Relatively Serious Bit]


*This is markedly different from being a Jetstar passenger.

 

[TonyHancock]

The amenity kit just looks cheap and tacky and really does not do the experience justice.

 

[alieninperth]

Did Griselda discount the DUB-HEL-LON route due to the schlep across london, or was the DUB-HEL route not up and running? And, can we get a pick of your feet in the water on the big island?

 

[anna2103]

I adore your writing style, I want some more please Sir

 

[TonyHancock]

“So why oh why put the bloody phone here, why not just put a sign up that says take the AirTrain to Federal Circle and then call the hotel!” I thought.

“No Problems I’ll call when I get to Federal Circle then” I said.

I wondered why things had to be so complicated, and why had Griselda not included this in the 73 page itinerary as I set off to catch the AirTrain to Federal Circle.

The Hilton shuttle bus arrived relatively quickly and whisked me away to yet another airport hotel. I had briefly thought about heading off to the city but just couldn’t be bothered. I had even briefly thought about posting a “what to do on an overnight in New York” sort of question but in the end I simply decided that I should play to my strength and just drink excessively at the airport Hilton.

Now I spend a fair bit of time, as much as eight weeks a year, in China and not just the bits everyone knows very well, this year has seen me in Wehai, Chengdu, Dandong, Qingdao, Chongqing, Shenyang, and Suzhou as well as Beijing and Shanghai. Wherever possible I stay at Hiltons and Doubletrees and compared to the Hiltons in Australia, The USA, and UK they are spectacular. The Hilton at JFK did nothing to change that view.



The US does service well but the JFK Hilton did not do the Exec Lounge well. I know there are difficulties surrounding the service of alcohol but this exec lounge, despite its commanding views of the distant Manhattan, was just ordinary, basically three smallish rooms with the sort of food Fred Perry wouldn’t even put his name to. The saving grace was a decent enough gym…..which given my propensity for alcohol is a sad indictment of any establishment. I’m probably being a bit unkind when I take a deep breath and look back, but if you have stayed at the Hilton Hongqiao, Doubletree Shenyang or pretty much any Hilton in Asia you know what I mean.

What was rather fun was the chat about the Trent Bridge Test Match with the Guyanese driver of the Hilton Shuttle bus on the way back to JFK. I can’t even begin to think what the rest of the pax, all Americans, must have thought.

I was on my way again and my first dabble with US Air. Griselda had carefully planned the trip to ensure the US sectors were over 2000 miles and booked in F. this meant 210 TP’s per sector. PHX was my destination and an A321 was to be my chariot. The AA/US merger was anything but complete as I attempted to check in. Somewhat optimistically I tried the AA F check in area bit was quickly dispatched around the corner to the smaller US Desk. #sigh#

My tolerance to airport security is, oddly, rather high, certainly significantly higher than it is to celebrity chefs, but lordy, lordy the whole setup in the USA is tiresome, inefficient and frustrating. I do understand where it comes from and I can’t even begin to imagine the full horror of 9/11 but surely there must be a better way. The inefficiency of the process beggars belief. The pat downs prevent pax getting to their luggage after it has been through the scanner and thus prevents any new luggage coming through….and the queues just keep building up.

“Are you an Admirals Club member sir?” Said the Lounge dragon.

“No but my name is on the list” I thought, but “err no but I am a Oneworld Emerald” is actually how I responded.

“Oh yes I always miss that” the lounge dragon replied.

This despite “Emerald” being printed on the boarding pass,

I was dispatched with a “host” to the AA Flagship Lounge at T8, and upon entering was rather surprised. I had experienced the Flagship lounge at LAX but this was far more pleasant and empty. It did make me wonder how the whole lounge thing worked in the US. (I know the rules, but am still amazed that at midday I was one of two people, both of whom were not AA/US FF’s. Hey but who am I to complain? I was getting exclusivity in spades.)



The boarding announcement was interesting…..and I say that because it was clear that US was coming to terms with the AA policy. The announcer made it clear that this was a changed process and then followed the AA process. It, of course, worked to perfection and just left me with the continued thought “what the flip is QF doing?”.

On boarding the first thing that struck me was that all of the window shades were down - it was 34 degrees outside and I understood this was to keep the cabin as cool as possible. Hardly surprising, but it did surprise me that there was no call to raise the blinds during take off.

I don’t get to travel in the US much these days, my Delta Gold Medallion status went in 1999, so the performance of the CSM was a reminder of just how good they are in the USA. I can’t even begin to imagine the QF or VA CSM’s commanding the J/F cabin is the same way. Alcoholic drinks were served to all pax with consummate ease prior to take off and man alive If I thought the BA G&T was strong the G&T I was presented with on this flight had merely been waived before the tonic bottle.....hic

Woe betide any Y pax placing their luggage in the J cabin overhead lockers, this space was defended with the sort of gusto last acted out in American B movies of the 1950’s.

The drinks flowed, warm nuts were served and lunch followed shortly after. I opted for the chicken with salad and it was certainly a decent portion size.



After landing we were advised to ensure window shades were kept down to prevent the cabin from heating up - it was a balmy 44 degrees Celcius at PHX. Oh dear. :shock:

Mmmmm so my layover was another overnight jobbie, again I needed to decide what to do, would it be the Heard Museum, or the Desert Botanical Garden, or maybe the Pueblo Grande Museum and Cultural Park…….errr….errr………mmmmm I decided to play to my strengths and headed to the Airport Crowne Plaza.

Man alive it was hot, a blistering dry heat, that was jolly unpleasant, so I was particularly pleased when the shuttle bus turned up immediately. (I would have made a note in my moleskin notebook to quiz Griselda over chauffeur arrangements when I returned, but the ink in my fountain pen had dried up.)

I am yet to rise to the heady ranks of “Spire” with IHG but the upgrade to a suite, on a points stay, was rather nice……almost as nice as the laundry on the third floor. At least I would be able to wash my mankini. The suite was a somewhat half hearted affair - it was actually two rooms with a door joining them. One room had a bed the other a sofa setup, both had TV’s and bathrooms. I was very happy with it though because the air conditioning was nothing short of splendiferous.



After utilising the laundry, gym and bar it was time for sleep - another relatively early flight in the morning and the delights of an ancient 757.

 

[JessicaTam]

I found that AA never bother with asking for window shades to be raised on either take-off or landing.

 

[serfty]

Absolutely enjoying this TR ...

...
Man alive it was hot, a blistering dry heat, that was jolly unpleasant, so I was particularly pleased when the shuttle bus turned up immediately. ...

Ha! USA- the land of contrasts ... this brings a memory from early January - it was about 7pm at MCI* and on arrival used the courtesy 'phone for the Hotel shuttle to be told it would be there in 11 minutes. "11? Minutes?" I replied, "Yes Sir" was the answer, "Just wait 10 then go outside" ... which I did. MCI is not a large port and it was a short walk to the bus zone ... but rather cold it was that evening ... -2° it was ... Farenheight!!! An eternal two minutes I waited for that bus; spending the first seconds once we got going with my palms over ears, in an attempt to accelerate feeling back into the lobes... (beanie next time).

Anyhoo keep it up ...

* (Kansas City Airport for those that did not know)

 

[RooFlyer]

Why spinach with everything? Easy ... you can steam it, bake it, nuke it, airliner oven it ... and it turns out the same. Green and limp.

Perfect airline food.

 

[TonyHancock]

Now where was I? I can see how people are not so keen on this whole work thing, it does rather interfere with everything else……………..ah yes I was in PHX.

It felt like it was still 40 degrees C when I exited the Crowne Plaza at PHX and boarded the air conditioned shuttle bus. At 5:00 AM this was not exactly fun…..much like check in at PHX.

“Is there a First or Business Class Check In counter” I enquired of the US Air agent loitering around the check in kiosks.

“You’ll need to check in here!” was the rather curt reply I wasn’t expecting.

“..but….but I have an issue with my Oneworld Status displaying correctly in the booking” I said, failing to show any sort of confidence. (This lady frightened me more than Griselda does when she gets the bit between her teeth.)

“You’ll need to check in here!” the rather fearsome lady responded again. :shock:

I meekly gave in and completed the process at the kiosk, which spat out two flimsy paper boarding passes. Remarkably my status was at least correct. The kiosk knew who I was even if it’s keeper did not.

The Admirals lounge at PHX was to airport lounges what JQ is to luxury travel . It was small, provided very limited food offerings and the coffee machine was broken. I was reduced to drinking brown sludge from one of the pots of “coffee” available. To make matters worse my typewriter, with the TV attached, was not having a bar of the lounge’s interweb thingy and Griselda was not answering the phone. It was a stark reminder of how lucky we are in Australia with QF and VA.

I was getting used to the “blinds down” arrangement on the ground, and was thankful for it. Keeping the cabin bearable was top of my list of hopes as we prepared to depart the desert heat.



In a bid to meet my “five a day” I opted for tomato juice as my pre flight drink, “seasoned” with vodka of course. The ratio of vodka to tomato juice was quite acceptable, even by my exacting standards……hic. I do rather like the US flight crews.

Breakfast was OK, in fact I’d go as far as to say I enjoyed it. there was nothing fancy about it, just plain food and a decent sized serve of it. I’d take this every day over the Fred Perry efforts of QF.



I pride myself on my misanthropy, so the prospect of arriving in the tourist centre of Honolulu, whilst not exactly reducing me to cold shivers, although the heat at PHX was also preventing that, was not filling me with mild anticipation either. It did cross my mind that Griselda might be playing a cruel joke on me…but I couldn’t see why she would want to, I have been the perfect boss to her.

The Gold BA tag on the hand luggage of a chap in the row in front of me suggested he might also be on a “TP Run”. With the sort of charm I usually reserve for ATO staff I politely enquired if he might be on a similar quest to me. It turned out he was and also possessed similar levels of charm, so it was a very short conversation.

HNL was everything I expected and less…I think. Now I say “I think” because after seven Bloody Mary’s I was feeling a little “lightheaded” upon arrival. I vaguely recall a very long walk from gate to terminal, and I also recall that the wall was sort of in the open air. Even in my near comatose state I wondered how I would get through almost four days in what could only be described as my living hell. :shock:

 

[JessicaTam]

You enjoyed an airline breakfast? Whatever next - lunch in Paris!?! :shock:

 

[TonyHancock]

You enjoyed an airline breakfast?

There was no spinach.

Whatever next - lunch in Paris!?! :shock:

Steady on! Paris, Texas perhaps.

 

[JessicaTam]

There was no spinach.



Steady on! Paris, Texas perhaps.

That's ok then.

Just checking that your account hadn't been hacked.

 

[moa999]

Awaiting honolulu hell

 

[drron]

Thank goodness you're back.I was thinking this was going to become Hancock's 10% holiday.

 

[TonyHancock]

In January this year I spent a couple of days in the most fascinating city I have ever visited. Depending upon how the city is defined the population is about 800,000 or 2.4 million. That city was Dandong, in north eastern China and on the border with North Korea. So why, you ask, am I telling you this?

Well, firstly I am running out of photos so need to pad the text out and secondly it is about as far removed from Honolulu as any city could be. Actually that is not quite true, Dandong has quite a thriving tourist industry, predominantly in all things North Korean, it seems the Chinese people are as fascinated with North Korea as westerners are. (I declined the offer, from a rather shady looking character, of a boat trip over to North Korea.)

I suppose my point, yes apparently I have one, is that Dandong in winter, think frozen rivers, beats Honolulu hands down in the Tony Hancock holiday destination stakes. (Although to be fair I was not really in Dandong on holiday, however I did rather enjoy the coal fired power plant I was there to visit. Sadly I did not get to see what must be the world’s remotest Tesco store.)

So here I was in Honolulu, a place that was quite a few rungs down on the ladder of “Tony Hancock holiday destinations”, with the only desirous quality I could see was being over 2000 miles, and as a result 210 BA TP’s, from my previous location.

Now don’t get me wrong, Honolulu is clearly a nice enough place and has a beauty that is appreciated by the less cynical, world weary and grumpy of this planet. I think I understand why it is an attractive destination for many, particularly families. I can see why Pearl Harbor is an interesting place to visit and can understand why it is so important in the American psyche. It was on my list of things to do….but in the end I simply could not be bothered. (Yes, not for the first time I found abject lethargy winning out.)

I’m getting ahead of myself though………first up was a night at the Doubletree Alana Waikiki. this was another points stay and at the time of booking was part of the plan to secure 30 stays to maintain HH Diamond Status. My standard diamond award room was upgraded to a high floor suite with a partial ocean view so not a bad start. I had to wait a couple of hours for my room to be readied and was a touch disappointed to find that there was no hotel bar open at midday. (For the record there was no exec lounge but I didn’t expect one.)

When I hear the words “There is an ABC store around the corner” the thing that flashes through my mind is a place where I can get the Dad’s Army TV series boxset, or purchase any number of Dr Who themed gadgets and toys, so, whilst I am rather partial to Dad’s Army, it was, quite literally, a tonic to find that the ABC stores in Hawaii were a little different. The big win for me was a 700ml bottle of Gordon’s Gin for under US$11………..hic!!



As a HH Diamond a continental breakfast in the restaurant was free and for a further $8 the full buffet breakfast was available. Whilst there was plenty of food the quality was average….although I rather enjoyed the corned beef hash. (As a society when did we come to accept that the breakfast buffet was the norm? Actually as a society how did corned beef hash become a breakfast staple?)

I checked out at noon and took the short walk to the Hilton Waikiki Resort. I didn’t really know what to expect, Griselda had, of course, provided some details of the hotel but I didn’t know which tower I would be staying in and what benefits my Diamond status would secure.

Is there such a thing as industrial tourism……..mmmmmm…..I think I mean tourism on an industrial scale. If it exists it is certainly there for everyone to see at the Hilton Waikiki Resort. Think Disney queues, manufactured smiles and “have a nice day!”.

The check in line for HH members was about 30 deep, which was appreciatively better than the the standard queue. To be fair check in was very efficient and it took about 15 minutes to be on my way to Kalia tower. My first surprise was that HH picks up the daily US$30 resort fee on points stays, the second and less pleasant surprise was that there was no exec lounge. A US$10 per day credit was applied to spend in any of the resort bars and restaurants.At least there was an ABC store on the hotel grounds and the sub US$11 bottle of Gordons…….hic!!!

I can see the attraction of the resort for families….…just, but everyone is on top of one another. (Oooo err missus, titter ye not etc etc.) The crowds, whilst not as bad as Disney, are constant. (Mind you I’m one who believes the international space station is crowded.)

I despised the awful entertainment in the bars and restaurants. Call me old fashioned, but I’m one of those traditionalists that believe that the stage is where the entertainer belongs and the seats around the stage is where the audience belongs. I really do not take kindly to second rate entertainers wandering about disturbing my pizza tea. Bah humbug!

The gym in the Kalia Tower was good, and empty….well at least it was at 6:00AM. The rooms were a decent size and well maintained, as you’d expect at a high profile Hilton, the restaurants were unsurprisingly a little pricey and the pools/facilities pretty good. (..but crowded.) The good news was that there was an IHOP just across the road, the bad news that it became a constant battle to burn the breakfast calories off in the empty gym.



A walk at 07:45 seemed like the thing to do. It was a bid to a) reduce exposure to the heat and humidity later in the day and b) miss the crowds. Sadly, pretty much a failure all around. The pool at the Kalia Tower was, however, not bad at all prior to midday, which was the point that the sun finally reached it and the various chavs and bogans with their offspring arrived to ensure whatever peace existed was well and truly shattered. Given the propensity for tattoos these days it can only be a matter of time before seven and eight year olds are marked for life by their dim parents. #sigh# (On another forum in a parallel universe I’m sure there is a post about a fat bloke reading Leslie Phillips’ Autobiography and annoying delightful families!)





Pearl Harbor, mmmmm, I knew I ought to visit, but in the end I spent an afternoon at the Ala Moana Center, a shopping mall. Much like the airport it is pretty much alfresco - so standing still for more than two minutes left me drowning in a pool of my own sweat.(Such an attractive thought…but it helps see off the corned beef hash!) Even with the suicidal dive by the Australian Dollar the shopping mall prices were still pretty good.

So after just under four days in Honolulu it was time to depart. (I did pay US$120 to get a 5:00PM check out to ensure some comfort on my final day!)

Would I return? Well…..maybe if it helped me retain GGL……I would be less inclined to do so to retain WP1 with QF……which I guess gives some idea on my view of the the two options….


To be continued……