Hooray for Bollywood!

[simongr]

Hooray for Bollywood

Firstly let me say at the start of what will be the usual rambling jocular sarcastic caustic gin fuelled novella about one man (in a team of six)’s journey around India how terrible the events in Mumbai were and how much I think that will negatively impact what is fascinating country with a highly industrious population. No random comments/side bars that have a slightly mirthic feel to them are intended to disrespect the people of Mumbai and losses of people impacted by the events.

So with that slightly unusual intro out of the way – let’s get on with the show, as this is more than ever before a journey of transition. Without more cryptic ado let us set a little context to the transition. In May 2006 I left a large [insert company description here] to join a US owned corporate with a large division in Asia to take on an Internal Audit role. One of the key attractions of the role was the international travel (oh and the huge pay rise). We have no children and mrssimongr works in an environment where sometimes she is so busy during the week that me being at home or away would make no difference. It also gave me the opportunity to go to New York – something I had been desperate to do ever since I watched Hill Street Blues in the 70’s. I actually think I almost took some skin off the recruiter’s hand as I grabbed the contract from them.

So then began my International odyssey. And man what an odyssey it was – six company business around the world trips, three circle Asia trips, a couple of direct hops to Hong Kong and included in that was six visits to New York and my first trip back to the UK since leaving in 2006. It has been a journey of journey but there is no point embarking on a journey unless you are seeking to go from an origin to a destination.

Unfortunately for my international odyssey that destination is soon to lead me out of this organisation and into another. The role is similar but the travel profile is mostly short hops domestically within Australia with perhaps an annual overseas jaunt. So it is with a little trepidation and sadness that I write this trip report. This really marks and ending, no more trips to the SYD F lounge, no more sipping beer from the automated beer vending machines in NRT and most importantly no more G&Ts in the Conrad Executive Lounge. I might even have to start enjoying the delights of flying whY…

So I embarked on my India journey with some regret. I had managed to structure the flights around flying CX rather than SQ – and it actually worked out cheaper and I really wanted to go out with a bang.

I was trying to also get close to EXP qualification so managed to add in a few days in HKG as well. I suppose I should explain what on earth this trip actually is – I guess the enormity of the simpending change is tugging at the back of my mind. But here we go. We are currently evaluating some vendor opportunities in India. We have been through an evaluation process and we were down to the final two [insert name of vendor 1 here] and [insert name of vendor 2 here]. The evaluation team were planning to visit the vendors on site in India. This trip had originally been planned for September and a few of you might recall that it was cancelled at the last minute so it wasn’t until I was airborne on flight one.
The itinerary is a killer – probably one of the toughest weeks of travel that I have ever experienced :shock:.

Sun – overnight flight SYD-HKG
Mon – 7 hours in the Wing followed by afternoon flight to BOM
Tue – Vendor meetings and late dinner
Wed – fly to MAA, vendor presentations fly to BLR
Thu – 14 hours of vendor presentations
Fri – 10 hours of vendor presentations, fly to HKG
Sat – arrive HKG
Sun – Chill
Mon – All day meetings
Tue – All day meetings
Wed – All day meetings, fly overnight to SYD
Thu – arrive home, 4 hour conference call 3PM – 7PM

I have had easier weeks

So here it goes, for potentially the final time for the foreseeable future, this Chocka Bloke, checking in for “Hooray for Bollywood!”

 

[simongr]

Journey – SYD-HKG
Flight no. – CX138
Class – Business
Seat – 16C

This a flight of firsts – it’s my first business trip in eight months, my first trip to Inja and my first trip since finding out that mrssimongr in to put it politely – preparing to drop a sprog. Unfortunately to make the CX option work I had to take an overnight flight to HKG, wait there for 7 hours and then connect to a BOM flight.

So it is a 10:30 flight out of SYD. Although this creates the opportunity for pleasant F lounging, it also gives me the opportunity muse on the trip all day. This is given additional musing potential as I was told on Friday that I am the preferred candidate for a new role and this really could be my last big trip. So take an element of trepidation about Inja, a sprinkle concerns about leaving the newly sprogged up mrssimongr alone for the first time, two licks of excitement about a new opportunity, a large dollop of concern about spending a week with my boss and my US boss’s boss and letting something slip and a ladle full of the potential for this to be the end of the travel gravy train and the resultant recipe is a lot of thoughtful looks by simongr into the far distance with the occasional “Hmmm”.

But progress we must (there will be more opportunity for digression later)

So my driver arrived on schedule around 7PM on Sunday due to a little traffic and avoiding tolls it was 60 mins from lounge to um lounge. I was slightly foxed by the major change to the immigration location although it was now closer to the CX and QF desks which is good. I am looking forward to my next international flight from SYD being quite a few months away so that I wont have to walk through the building site that SYD has become until it is “finished”. Check in and immigration (despite the detour) are quick and efficient but I do have a sense of doom about the 7 hour layover in HKG and Inja!

In the lounge I am straight to my “usual” table, champagne poured and the minute steak is ordered. The red wine butter has replaced the café de Paris butter which is initially disappointing but slowly grows on me.

The average cheeses are followed by an excellent dessert wine which in turn is followed by an adequate Pinot Noir. Finally I schlep back through the building site to gate 31 for possibly the worst CX boarding experience ever.

There appears to be some school trip with a heap of youngsters (possibly Japanese) on their way to HKG. We are informed that they need to board this lot before anyone else – so no real priority boarding. Ordinarily I could understand this if they were going to get all the kids on board before letting other people through – but no, they send all the kids through the boarding gate, start priority boarding, only for us to realise that they haven’t even opened the aircraft doors for boarding so we end up standing in a queue behind them.

So getting grumpier by the second I wait and then finally get to board – only to find that my carefully planned and structured journey with a lie flat sleep bed is scuppered by an equipment change to the old new business class angled seats – which had driven me off CX some time ago. A little disappointing as well was the fact that as a result of the equipment and the commensurate seat shuffle, it seems that my OWE status did not manage to get me an F seat with J service.

I stow my gear and am of course asleep on take off waking for the CSM greeting. I express my annoyance with the equipment swap and request a complaints card. I make a slight tactical error and skip dinner in favour of watching “Journey to the Centre of the Earth” with Brendan Fraser – frankly stabbing myself alternately in my eyes and ears would have been a more pleasurable experience.

I then sleep/doze through the night. These angled seats just seem too small for normal sized people . I am then quite annoyed that they switch on the cabin lights some 3 hours before landing!!!! I am thoroughly not rested and skip breakfast as I know I will eat in the lounge as I have a little time there. Thinking through my sleep plans for the day, I am not sure how today will pan out.

We in fact land 33 minutes early at 4:27AM – which means a longer than planned transit in HKG. HKG airport is pretty much deserted and closed at this time of day so I am quickly into the Wing – well not quite. The Wing does not open until 5:30AM so we are put into a holding pen which is just to the side of the lower ground entrance to the Wing. I am not sure why they have a lounge that you can use whilst the lounge is closed – but with a coffee in hand and emails being cleared I don’t complain too loudly.

Finally 5:30 rolls around and I can head up to the Wing for my first realllllly long transit in HKG.

 

[simongr]

Journey – HKG-BOM
Flight no. – CX655
Class – Business
Seat – 84K

I actually head out of the pen to the Wing around 5:40 as I in the middle a frightfully clever email exchange and as nice as the Wing is, it is frankly just a seat. Having said that, my slight delay in heading up means that my favoured seat has been filled already so I need to find an alternate. Adequate position secured I try to nap but that doesn’t seem to be happening thing (gee do you think that cup of coffee had anything to do with that?)

I head in for a little breakfast and to my delight am presented with BBQ pork buns! After breakfast I fail to doze again so check out the seat plans for the next flight. Bizarrely for a fairly short flight of only 5 ½ hours it is new J (I realise later that this flight goes on to DXB thus there is good reason for the new J). I am pleased with the new J but a little sad that there is little opportunity for an op-up with F4 J4 Y9 showing on EF. Now I know I should not expect an op-up but this is pretty much my last op-upable flight for the foreseeable future.

Having fully cleared emails, check AFF and played a few rounds of Word Twist on Facebook I realise that there is still a long wait so I decide to grab a cabana for an hour or so. I stretch in the long deep bath and then have a few minutes dozing on the day bed. Somewhat more refreshed and with most of the comics I brought read I head back (dressing first of course) to the main lounge area. Time is thankfully marching on and the clock just about ticks past midday I call for champagne and head into the Haven for lunch. There are some absolutely exquisite Shanghai style spare ribs that require me to have two portions – 100% yum!

I was meant to meeting my boss’s boss here as she is joining us in Inja but she is nowhere to be seen (she is in paid F so should be in the F lounge). Leaving it as late as I can I take the longest possible journey from the Wing – all the way to I think gate 70+. This calls for a ride on the Serftymobile. Now for those of you who have not been able to find the serftymobile please follow the directions below:

I manage to slip in a very quick visit to the Pier (to see if boss’s boss is there instead) on my way and just have time for a quick champagne before boarding. On the upper deck there is of course limited overhead space so I unfortunately have to take up most of two bins for my two bags. Thankfully the chap behind me only has minimal baggage.

Taking my seat I find the 3 pointed seat belt – just like a car seat belt. I am sure that I do not recall these seat belts on the CX airbuses we flew on in July/August. Amenity kit purged and having not slept in the lounge at all I am of course asleep on take off and I think I miss the CSD (note that CSD and CSM are ignorantly used interchangeably in this tome) greeting. I decide to watch Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull – more like Indiana Jones and the Total Load of Bollocks (IJatTLoB). I have to keep watching seem in the hope that it really can’t be this bad and I am right – it is not as bad at the end as it is at the beginning – it is worse. From IJatLoB to Indiana Jones and the Steaming Pile of Horse Faecal Matter (IJatSPoHFM). Dear god Mr Spielberg, what did the Indy fans ever do to you to deserve this level of abuse?

I am not sure whether IJatSPoHFM impacts my appetite but the meal is disappointingly bad. From a strange prawn appetiser through to a overly spicy and very dry Rogan Josh through to a bland cheese plate CX is winning no friends today. As ever, even with an extra helping of crackers there is still a large surplus of cheese over crackers!

After dinner I lie flat and doze for a while until a little while outside of BOM. As we get closer to BOM a real sense of dread pervades – will the driver be there, will my boss’s boss have made it, what will Inja really be like. Equally I am planning on cancelling a conference call I have scheduled for this evening as I am pretty exhausted.

Progressively we are getting closer to BOM and it really hits me – after months of planning, cancelling and negotiating we are really here – Project Inja really is a go!

[aside]

At that critical juncture let’s just have a little aside. Now I know I a “seasoned” traveller so I am used to multiple different seat arrangements and belt arrangements but I am stunned by how much time is spent nurse maiding pax who seem unable to put their belt on and put their seat upright. Looking around these people don’t seem to be tourists on their first jaunt and how hard is it to look at the picture of the aircraft taking off and hold it until the seat stops moving? Is it the business class attitude that people expect the cabin crew to wipe the coughs for them as well?

It still amazes me how people seem to be so feeble in aircraft!

[/aside]

Sorry back on track. Tension is building, simongr really is going to be in BOM. Thick cloud surrounds BOM so my apprehension is rising. I just do not know what to expect – maybe Thailand, only worse if that were possible!

Finally we break through the clouds and all I see is a wasteland, slowly though buildings appear and soon we are flying over what can only be described as a shanty town and then a short period of very built up areas. The landing is described in my notebook as “swervy” – I am not sure what I meant by that – I think a lot of turns more than a rough landing.

One thing I do note on descent – there is no “Bollywood” sign – how disappointing

 

[simongr]

The Renaissance Mumbai

On landing I am very quickly through Indian immigration and I meet my boss’s boss (phew). Neither of us have any luggage so we are quickly out to the waiting car (ignoring the misspelling of the names).

So this is my first experience of driving in Inja and it is as crazy as people say. There just seem to be no rules at all. Red lights seem to be there for information purposes only and I have to assume that the majority of pedestrians are indestructible given how they step in front of vehicles at random. My other experience of crazy driving is Shanghai and there similarities. Whereas Shanghai was characterised by overtaking at speed into oncoming traffic it had a comparable volume of traffic. The main difference though was the lack of infrastructure and roads. It almost looked like no-one had built any roads since the British “left”. Although the drive is a little crazy it is also awfully slow but nonetheless fascinating. I have a decent work and social chat with boss’s boss and eventually we arrive at the hotel – passing first through the somewhat (in retrospect) token security check point. The vehicle is checked for bombs under the front but not the back (of course no-one would plant a bomb at the rear of the car where the gas tank is) and the boot is opened but the bags containing god knows what are not touched.

Check in is a painfully slow process but the room provided is ok – twin king single beds though. I have said it before and I am sure I will say if oft again – who the heck is booking these rooms???? Does anyone except married couples in their 60’s from the 1950’s sleep in separate beds out of choice?

A quick freshen up and I head down to meet my colleagues for dinner. They arrived a couple of days earlier and in fact visited the Taj for a beer the day before. I opt for the Bombay (well – when in BOM…) Sapphire G&T and forget that I should not have ice in my drink – oops. We head off for dinner eventually and I have my first meal in Inja – PASTA! A couple of glasses of wine later and I crash finally around 11:30PM.

Up nice and early in the morning around 5:45 and it is down to meet the team again – this time for a swim. We have time for a quick breakfast before heading to Navi Mumbai. If I thought the drive from the airport was bad – that was nothing. Roads just stop, motorcycles drive on the wrong side of the dual carriageway barriers. As much as the ride is frightening – what is worse is the squalor we drive through. The poverty is in fact a little depressing. People are working so hard but living in this – it is a little confronting.

We finally arrive at the site, are presented with flower garlands and then get stuck into a day of PowerPoint presentations. Lunch is western (at the request of the team) and it seems a little odd to be eating subway and Dominoes Pizza in a boardroom in Mumbai – we could have done the same thing in Sydney!

We have a slightly more interesting afternoon and actually meet some of the staff that might be working with us. The drive back to the hotel is slower – much slower than the drive to the site and the poverty is even more confronting when the car is stationary.

We meet a little later to go to the IDC hotel for a very nice (if a little spicy) Indian meal. As I am sat next to the company Chairman I am unable to refuse his offer to sample some Indian wines. They are an improvement over the repugnant filth served in the Shanghai Exec lounge and after a couple of glasses one can barely tell the difference.

I know I have mentioned the poverty a couple of times already but there was one moment that I and one of my colleagues shared that was both poignant and depressing. As we drove to the IDC, an opulent palace of a Hotel we drove slowly around a corner and saw a little girl pulling water out of the drain with what looked like an old coffee can. I am not sure I have been face to face with anything more depressing in my life.

It is pretty late when we get back to the Hotel and after quite a restless night I am up at 5:45 (no swim today) for a 7AM check out and a trip to BOM airport.

 

[simongr]

Journey – BOM-MAA
Flight no. – 9W322
Class – whY :shock:
Seat – 16D

I think I just need to set the scene for today. We are going to visit the main campus site of [insert vendor 1 name here] in Chennai then flying to Bangalore this evening to check into the onsite hotel of [insert vendor 2 name here]. This will be a long day!

We have a pretty quick drive to the airport thankfully. As expected we are challenged for our itineraries as we enter the building. In fact my colleagues are challenged for photo ID as well…

The one bag rule on board is being enforced so I check the suit bag – in fact I have to have it security checked as well as hold checked. The check in process is painfully slow but I do end up with a very nice seat.

The airport is actually quite nice – not at all what I was expecting of the “hellish travels through Inja” that had been reported previously. There is however the weird security screening. Firstly women are separated from the men (which is perfectly reasonable from a cultural perspective) then you go through the WTMD but then they wand everyone – even if you don’t beep. What is the point of the WTMD then????

I manage to score some express path through screening and meet the team in the main waiting area. No one has any lounge access so for the first time since my KA flight in whY I am out with the hoi polloi – very disconcerting for me

The flight is around 20-30 mins delayed. At this point I spot that we will be using a bus to get to the AC. We pass through the departure gates and go outside only to have to wait for a bus in the baking sun. Once on board the bus, I realise that the driving rules outside on the road apply equally here in the airport as we narrowly miss a collision another bus!

On board I note that it is an all whY arrangement. My “emergency exit” seat appears to not quite be an emergency exit but I do have no seat buddy and there does look to be more room. We are specifically advised that there is no alcomohol or smoking allowed on this 9AM 90 minute flight. I do note there are a lot of empty centre seats in this all whY layout. One thing remarked to me by my colleagues (who are female) is that they were sat in all female rows. We wondered whether this was a cultural thing that “single” women would not be allocated to rows with men…

A HOT meal is served and I tuck into taters, omelette and sausage (or sausage related product of indeterminate origin). I avoid the fruit due to some comments from colleagues and others about eating uncooked foods here (and the fact that one of my colleagues was struck down the previous afternoon and is still in the realms of the walking dead). I sample the “after dinner mint thing” which is just simply weird.

My experience rates slightly above QF whY simply by virtue of the food – I have not had a breakfast this good in J on some QF flights (long and short haul). On reflection this must have been some form of exit row seat with marginally extra leg room as I am not at all squished in and I can see other on board are.

[aside]

Wriggler Jigglers

Ok so you I have a low threshold for people that seem unable to work something as simple as a seatbelt. But my ire with them is as nothing to my annoyance with the Wriggler Jigglers. You know the type – constantly fidgeting, rocking back and forth, opening papers across people, pulling up, slamming down as they sit, carrying on heated gesticulating debates with friends. Argh! Give me strength!

What is the problem with these people? Too many amphetamines? Just sit and enjoy the flight and let other people enjoy it as well.

Gah – Wriggler Jigglers!

[/aside]

Anyway – I manage to boot up the laptop and clear/draft a few emails so that they can be sent later. Not long after getting those done the seat belt warning kicks in and very shortly after that the crew are advised to be seated for landing (no faffing with pax needing their hands held). Sadly though it seems to take a long time after that before we actually get close to landing.

From the air at least Chennai (Madras) looks a lot nicer than Mumbai – more palm tress and less shanty towns. The landing itself is actually very smooth although there is (what feels like) a huge amount of reverse thrust on landing.

It is a fairly quick disembarkation (through an Aerobridge) and thankfully all of our bags make it from BOM. There is a total schmozzle with the cars to the site as our sick colleague is going to spend the day resting at a hotel rather than at the site as she is still dead accountant walking. Finally we are on our way to the site. The drive is much more pleasant than in BOM. Not only is there less obvious poverty and squalor but there are what could reasonably be called roads and even a hint of road rules :shock:

The site we are visiting is … interesting. There is a massive corporate development here – one of the facilities even has a cricket pitch INSIDE the campus style building. However although the corporate buildings are huge and stunning – the government seems to have forgotten that you need covered roads from the main road to the buildings on the site. It actually takes us 30 minutes to drive 1 – 2 KM from the road to the office building and it was a less than smooth ride.

We have a fairly intense (and in fact somewhat disappointing) 6 hours on site and leave at the absolute last minute that we can to get to the airport – remembering to pick up our colleague on the way (I would have never heard the last of that – I am the one who organised the whole trip btw).

The traffic is much worse in the evening that in the late morning (unsurprising really) and I get a little panicky that we might miss the flight to BLR. We finally get to the hotel to pick up our colleague after numerous “it is only 20 mins to the hotel” from the driver – and it took 45 mins. When I am then told it is 20 mins to the airport I am a tad worried. Thankfully this estimate is actually reasonably correct and finally we are at MAA and prepping for the flight to BLR.

 

[simongr]

Journey – MAA-BLR
Flight no. – 9W465
Class – whY
Seat – 17D

I breeze through security pre-screening again without the need for photo ID and again my colleagues pinged. I know that I am going to have to check a bag so the suitbag is ready to go. I have however taken my laptop out of my rollaboard and put it in my travel lightweight laptop bag. I am pinged for this so in front of the screeners I jam the laptop back in the rollaboard and they are happy with that.

As I got my BP for the flight when I checked in this morning I just have to do a bag drop and head to security. The queue is MASSIVE and in LHR or LAX it would have filled me with dread. Well it did fill me with dread in MAA but surprisingly the line moves very quickly and within 4 mins I am through.

I am surprised/shocked that there really are no services airside (and even landside) at the airport. We can’t even get a cold beer (and at this point I would have settled for a warm beer)so we end up sharing a pack or fruit Mentos. It is quite a sight actually – we had the CFO for a SEC listed company (usually flies F), CFO for the A/NZ business, APAC Audit Director, senior Finance Managers and Senior Sales Manager for a large software company huddled around on plastic chairs having 1 fruit Mentos for dinner. Not quite the Champagne Charlie lifestyle I have become accustomed to!

Thankfully as we only have 30 mins time passes pretty quickly and it soon time to board what seems like a prison bus to the aircraft. Up the stairs again to board (I do love my aerobridges) and onto the aircraft to find my seat next to “mr massive” – this is why I avoid whY if I can at all. Again we get the no booze call – I assumed that was a morning thing but it seems it is a domestic Inja flights thing. Despite mr massive being a wriggler jiggler I sleep pretty much from sitting down to landing. It is about 11PM when we land so I think that is a little justified.

I do wonder why there is J class on this 50 minute flight but no J on the 90 minute flight this morning. Touchdown is very smooth but then it feels like we have landed on a dirt track as it gets very bumpy after landing – only something I have felt when landing a glider on grass.

We are at the new airport so we get aerobridges )) and more importantly all of our luggage. The cars arranged by [insert name of second vendor here] are much more efficiently coordinated than by [insert name of first vendor] and for the first time the name of the primary contact (US CFO) is completely correct – it’s looking good for these guys already.

I sleep the whole journey from the airport to the campus facility. It takes us 30 mins to get on site through security (which I mention to the vendor the next day and the Board Chairman we meet on the last day gives profuse apology for) and to the onsite hotel that the vendor has. Interestingly one of our team is asked for a tip by the vendor employee who is ferrying us around on site – I also mention this to our contact and I think I got the guy sacked

Finally I get to bed around 1AM and do not relish the long days ahead. Day 1 starts at about 8:30 and finishes around 9:30PM. We eat on site as we are running late – so as this is a dry site we are now running at two days of beer free :shock:. Day two is intense but finishes around 5:30. The CFOs seal the deal but the team makes it subject to the provision of beer for the journey from the site to the hotel where we will get some dinner before heading off. Beer provided it is a happy core team of four that have a mini party in the car to the hotel.

We meet with the vendor for some food and Sula Indian Champagne before heading to the airport where disaster strikes! I have prepared a summary itinerary that shows 3 of the team leaving at 00:30 and me leaving at 02:30. I make it through pre-screening ok but my colleagues are a little delayed. AS I wait for them I check the screens and see that their flight to SIN on SQ is scheduled for a 11:10 departure and it is 11PM now!

My summary itinerary is wrong and the team hadn’t looked at their individual itineraries and they have missed the flight!. A frantic 30 minutes is spent trying to work out a way to get them to SIN but to no avail. They have to come back the next day. I feel awful for them and pretty guilty as they head off back to the hotel and I head to security.

It is time for me to end my time in Inja and head off for a few days in HKG.

 

[Hvr]

Hooray for Bollywood

It also gave me the opportunity to go to New York – something I had been desperate to do ever since I watched Hill Street Blues in the 70’s. I actually think I almost took some skin off the recruiter’s hand as I grabbed the contract from them.

“Hooray for Bollywood!”

Am loving the TR and wish I could write this well. Maybe sobriety doesn't always help.

Anyway a minor point, Hill St Blues was set in a city remarkably like Chicago not New York. It was actually filmed in Los Angeles.

 

[Keith009]

Great start to yet another v entertaining TR, simongr. Perhaps one day in the near future I could expect "Confessions of a Road Warrior" at my local bookstore?

 

[simongr]

Anyway a minor point, Hill St Blues was set in a city remarkably like Chicago not New York. It was actually filmed in Los Angeles.

Sheesh - since when have I let facts get in the way of my writing

 

[simongr]

Journey – BLR-HKG
Flight no. – CX6711 (operated by KA)
Class – Business
Seat – 11H

Well the immediate crisis has passed somewhat and still feeling guilty I head off to immigration and security. The exit immigration process is so incredibly slow that I am almost wishing for the queues in Sydney. Security again requires wanding even though I do not set off the WTMD and is again very slow.

Now if you thought the duty free pathway in SYD was bad then don’t go to BLR. You can not physically get out of the DF zone to get into the main terminal without snaking through the entire DF store

Finally I escape the DF zone and make into the “lounge” – well I call it a lounge as it has a sign on the door saying “airline lounge” – there is little other convincing evidence that this is more than a holding pen for DYKWIA.

Not being a OW operated lounge I can not get access to the F section (although I actually don’t try it on – perhaps I should have) so I am in the main lounge. I actually think that perhaps when they were assessing the capacity requirements that they either missed a decimal place or didn’t have a copy of the airline schedules in front of them. It seems that every flight in Inja leaves from BLR between midnight and 3AM.

The lounge itself is actually – well I was going to say reasonable but who am I kidding here. OK – on the plus there was beer, the beer was cold and the beer was free. From there things went a little downhill. The food options range from non-existent to inedible. The tables were basically basic – much like in a hospital cafeteria. Let’s go back and look at those capacity figures again for a second. Now one would generally expect in a lounge that at worst you would have to share a four seat plus table set up with at worst one other person – not in BLR. Every table had a minimum of four people – sometimes more. In addition people were actually sitting on the floor and you had to climb over them to get to the cold beer.

I manage to set up free wireless and give my mum a quick call in Cyprus on skype. I spot my boss’s boss in the F lounge and pop in to apprise her of the missed flight situation – noting that no invitation to join her in the F lounge is offered…

Finally around 2AM boarding is called so it’s off to the gates to sit for what seems a very long time – but probably is only 15 mins. We have another plane load of kids so obviously boarding is a further schmozzle. Once we “finally” get on board I am pleasantly surprised by the KA seats – a bit like Skybed Mk I – but with what seems like more room than the CX ONBC. I am provided with a nice glass of Piper Heidseck before take off and am very shortly off to sleep.

I manage to sleep/doze pretty well and we are only about 45 mins out of HKG when I wake. At that point I have more than a few moments of panic as I can not find my blackberry anywhere. I remember flicking something with my hand when I boarded but despite numerous investigation the little fella is nowhere to be seen.

After 30 mins of frantic searching I finally give in and then see that the lie flat bed has crushed my shoes – but thankfully not my glasses therein. We finally land and I am fairly quickly through the airport and immigration (using the HKIAFV card of course) and onto the train.

I make a half hearted effort to look through my luggage again to see if the BB is hiding in there – but no luck. So with a slightly heavy heart I ready myself for the week ahead. I grab a cab to the hotel and finally after fairly intense week I am “home” at the Conrad in Hong Kong!

 

[simongr]

Home away from home

I am escorted up to the Executive floor and checked in around 11:30 without a question about prior arrangement of that. This is my first experience of the new HHonors VIP benefits system where you get to choose your benefit rather than getting all of them as a default. As I am trying to keep the cost of this trip down I am almost tempted to get the free wifi rather than the room upgrade but decide to get the upgrade anyway. And yes I do know that I could have kept the cost down by choosing a cheaper hotel – but lets just say I am generally a good person rather than a saint.

Fortunately I am able to wangle free wifi in any case as my room is just below the Exec Lounge and their routers seem to be a little more powerful than the need to be . I opt for an extra long shower rather than a sleep and head out to Times Square to grab some head phone accessories.

I manage to get back just in time for coughtails – phew – it was close at the end but I managed to make it in time – for the start of happy hour that is! My little chap is not there but they still manage to stumble through a pretty reasonable G&T. I actually head back to the room before the end of coughtails (I might be a little tired at this point).

In the spirit of keeping costs under control, I have actually picked up some wine and beer from City Super rather than paying the crazy Conrad prices. I order some room service though – the no carb burger with extra fries and settle in for an evening of Heroes and Dexter.

Sunday is a lazy morning though I do manage to make it down to breakfast in time for BBQ pork buns! Late morning is spent at Sogo which I have not been to before (and don’t plan to again) and at the instruction of QF009 I go to Elements mall – maybe not my best strategic decision but definitely home of an excellent wild mushroom pizza!

I have also been directed to go to the W which I technically do – I just don’t visit any of the bars. I am not overly comfortable sitting in a bar by myself unless trying to pick up chicks and that habit disappeared many, many years ago.

Amazingly, again I manage to make it back to the Conrad in time for coughtails Dinner tonight is a steak and the rest of last night’s red wine. In the interim I have received an email from a chap in Beijing. It seems my blackberry’s bid for freedom has ended and has been caught in China without appropriate visa documents so they offer to deport him back to Australia for me – quite a lucky break as I have been told that I need to pay for the replacement myself if it is not found :shock:

Monday is a fairly busy and intense day in the office as is Tuesday – and on Tuesday I only make it back to the Conrad at 6:30 – barely in time for my final coughtails at the Conrad for the foreseeable future.

Wednesday sees me checking out of the Conrad for the last time in a long long time. I am more than a little sad about this. It has been a wonderful place to stay especially when I have been travelling alone so often – it is nice to have a place “where everyone knows your name”.

Wednesday morning is another great and productive time in the office followed by some great dim sum for lunch with the local CFO and his team. I wrap up around 5PM in the office and get a cab to Central. Again there is an unspoken sense of poignancy as the likelihood is that I wont be in contact with this team in the New Year.

I decide to use the in town check in for the first time (and possibly last) time as I want to get to the airport nice and early so I can get a decent dinner in the lounge. I also decide to check my suit bag as even the few little things are making the bags pretty overwhelming. My train journey gives me just enough time for an episode of Clone Wars and then we are at HKIA.

As I am checked in I don’t get the chance to use the fancy check in service so go straight to the weird new pre-screening process before security and immigration. I look around but can not find the registration point for electronic immigration which I wish I had done a while ago. The HKIAFV card gets me quickly through immigration and I am soon in the Wing having a relaxing Champagne.

I realise that this is the first time in a very long time that I have finished my trip in HKG rather than just transiting so this is the first time in a while I have been able to fully relax and enjoy the lounge. On my way out of HKG in the recent past I have been going on to the UK or the US rather than actually going home so it is fitting that this last jaunt will finish like this.

 

[simongr]

Journey – HKG-SYD
Flight no. – CX161
Class – Business
Seat – 16A

I grab some nice roast pork in the Haven in the Wing and follow that up with some truly exquisite Roquefort and St Pauline (a bit like Port Salut). Feeling somewhat full of food and champers I decide to relocate to the Pier as I am departing from gate 68. A quick trip on the Serftymobile and I am soon in the Pier sipping sauvignon blanc and watching the latest episodes of Chuck and House.

There is no chance of an op-up as there is no F on this aircraft. As ever HKG has the best boarding process and management of the gate lice. On board I do have a sense of a relief that there has not been another equipment change so I should get a decent night’s sleep. I am straight into my PJ’s and grab a glass of champers. Looking around this meerkat express I note a fairly low load given the mid week flight.

I am of course asleep before take off and barely wake in time for the drinks cart. Dinner is follows the continued format of being slightly dreary and disappointing so having watched more TV on the laptop until the battery dies – I take the hint to head to sleep.

I wake not that long out of SYD and freshen up back into non-stinky clothes. As I am right at the front of J I am pretty much the first person out of the aircraft and begin my sprint to duty free and immigration. I have been asked to grab a bottle of Bombay Sapphire for a colleague and judging my three bottles at home sufficient to get me through until my parents arrive in March I am happy to oblige.

Immigration is pretty quick and I get a warm welcome from a fellow Movember sufferer! The wait for my suit bag seems tortuous but is in fact pretty quick. I manage to go through quarantine without getting my bags xrayed and I am quickly out into the car park being met by my driver.

An hour later I am walking through the doors of the house for the final time as a global jetsetter. I do my usual thing of taking out my FF and Hotel cards out of my wallet and putting the David Jones card back in, put the travel power pack back in place in the den and pack away the Tumi luggage.

That’s it then the end of the journey – at least for now at any rate.

 

[simongr]

Epilogue

Despite being pretty tired I manage to struggle through a 4 hour conference call about the Inja trip and the board presentation arising out of it (with surprisingly few jibes about the missed flights for some of the team).

About a week later I have the final, final interview with [insert name of future employer here] and then struggle through a week’s confusion about reference before finally resigning on Friday 12 December. Finally the end has actually come.

With that ending I reflect on what the past couple of years of travel have meant and some of the more remarkable events:

• Getting told the day that I left my prior employer that the trip to NY that was scheduled for two days from now has been canned
• Getting the phone call from my boss to be on the next possible flight to PIT to help out with a major issue
• During that same major issue when we had 14 consultants working 18 hours a day to fix the problems my boss getting an email and saying the immortal lines “Now this is really serious – Simon can you go to London?”
• Landing back in the UK for the first time after 6 years
• Seeing my mum’s face when I surprised her in Cyprus
• My first big trip syd-bkk-syd-akl-lax-jfk-lhr-lca-lhr-hkg-syd in 10 days
• Subsequently realising that my first big trip was not really that big after the Behemoth and SOB
• mrssimongr’s first (carefully noting that I am saying first ) trip in J, NYC and the Waldorfs

So with a large tinge of regret I have to say that the future is a little fuzzy. I know I have my status run planned and I am likely to be in MEL a fair amount but beyond that as to when I might see the Conrad again or New York – well that is a total unknown.

It’s been fun (except for losing my bags twice on the Behemoth) but all good things come to an end. Although as someone who is only 37 and is joining a large multinational organisation with operations in Europe, Asia, SWP and the USA perhaps I should really not that this is the end of my international travels nor is it the beginning of the end – perhaps this is truly just the end of the beginning.

So for the “final” time (except for the status run report) this is Chocka Bloke checking out!

 

[StevePER]

Another very entertaining report simongr, thanks for posting it!

 

[serfty]

Cheers Simon, well written as usual.

One quick query - Has you nomadic BB found its way back to Oztraylia yet?

 

[simongr]

Sorry - meant to update that. He made it Oz but then had two days at the DHL detention centre due to some issues with his customs paperwork. Once that was resolved he was released to my care.

Many thanks must go to the Airbus executive that found the BB and sent it back to me. An act of true altruism

 

[Alanslegal]

Great report, very much enjoyed!