Declaring "Im leaving AFF" - What does this actually mean?

[haydensydney]

I've been pondering this for quite some time and thought I'd start a thread on it to get the thoughts of others.

Time and time again, we see threads from new and old members alike, proclaiming that they have had enough of the AFF community - that it's all too much and that they wish to leave and never return.

One can only imagine the violent stomping of the keyboard as the disgruntled member composes what would seem to be their last will and testament. Tales of unfairness: from mods who are trigger happy with their decision making to roving bands of VA fanbois - it's obvious that these members are stretched to a point where they just can't take it any more...

So why tell the community that your leaving? Surely a more modest way to leave would be to just... disappear. So what does it actually mean to declare your departure and what does this seek to achieve for the departee? I read such departure threads with enthusiasm and love reading the pleading "Don't go"s and collective "Oh Noes!" from other members who would appear to be a state of mourning (either on a meaningful or superficial level).

What amuses me most however is when these members 1/3/6/12 months later, reappear out of nowhere and declare that they are back - like a messiah arising from the dead. Were they ever gone? Or did they lurk the threads and boards of this community for the entire time that they were gone.... seething with the desire to be able to contribute; to add a thought or share a personal experience. I know that when I received my one and only infraction on AFF (I was out of action for 7 days), it was like a torment to not be able to contribute. It ate me up and I'm sure i'm not alone.

I guess my little rant here today, is to ask: why dedicate a thread to informing the group that you opt-out? Surely a more flexible approach would be to down tools and simply not contribute, leaving you the ability to come back later if one desires. And lets face it - we're all addicted to AFF (and some to FT + A.net as well) so why voluntarily bar yourself from something that you love so much?

Note: I am not writing this in response to any particular member who has left, rather the collective departees that I have seen go
(and come back?) over the years. Interested to hear your thoughts!

 

[QF029]

Good thread. I don't understand the goodbye announcements myself. I suspect in some cases they just wanted to be begged to stay. Perhaps there should be a generic thread and they can just add a post if they're worried someone will wonder if they were hit by a bus.

Although I don't know him, bossreggie I regard as having a different circumstance because from what I understand he was being stalked and I think he was right to bring it to our attention.

 

[markis10]

Reminds me of a quote someone tweeted yesterday:

Assumptions are the termites of relationships.
Henry Winkler
US television actor (1945 - )
​

I believe people announcing their intention to take a break often want to ensure their are no assumptions about the reason for it, who knows!
​

 

[haydensydney]

I suspect in some cases they just wanted to be begged to stay.

This is a great point... Sometimes I look at these threads with scepticism - is the OP just seeking attention? Using the "Im leaving" thread as a baromoter to confirm their social standing in the online community? In my experience however most people who threaten to leave, actually leave - it's uncommon to have someone persuaded to stay by the collective "don't go's/oh noes".

Still, it must be a nice self esteem booster to be publically valued and admired for your contribution.

 

[ejb]

This is a great point... Sometimes I look at these threads with scepticism - is the OP just seeking attention? Using the "Im leaving" thread as a baromoter to confirm their social standing in the online community? In my experience however most people who threaten to leave, actually leave - it's uncommon to have someone persuaded to stay by the collective "don't go's/oh noes".

Still, it must be a nice self esteem booster to be publically valued and admired for your contribution.

What if no one begged me to stay, I would be destroyed.

I however think markis10 has it right, people just want friends to know they are not dead.

If they in the future want to return I say good on them for coming back.

ejb

 

[tuapekastar]

I suspect it is a mix of frustration/anger at something (I want to tell you all what bugs me about you/AFF), or genuinely wanting to 'thank' the community before leaving. There may even be a prima donna element there in some cases.

I suspect (without knowing, because it hasn't happened - yet :shock I'd be likely to just fade away.

I can think, off the top of my head, of at least 5 members who have posted "I'm leaving" (or similar), and in some cases quite angrily and making it sound very final, in circumstances where they are miffed by something, only to subsequently reappear. I'm not passing any judgments here, I'm sure we've all had dummy-spits in our time - I know I have - just suggesting that no matter how irritated you are by something at the time, it is sage to leave the door ajar for a return...nothing has to be forever.

 

[casanovawa]

I can't understand why people get so offended, or get so offensive (but i think its more people being thin skinned) about what airline they prefer and the fanbois from another and decide to take their bat and ball home??? I don't really give a rats about any particular airline as long as they tick a few boxes and get me where i want to go, but i'm not investing any time of effort defending or promoting any of them... Certainly not what I am on this site for, but to learn and find ways to travel better for cheaper... Qantas and Virgin have big enough marketing departments to make the case for themselves and a lot of the posts back and forward on Qantas or Virgin i take with a grain of salt, I would respond pretty quickly and to the point if someone came after me personally and directly, but after 'my airline'?? Forget it...

Finally while it might be nice to leave and make a few points about why (i think you can make points about what you don't like just as easily and stay) in terms of people being worried about where you've gone and fretting, i read a quote on the bottom of a bunk in a hostel on my recent travels which went something like...

"You wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you realised how little they do"

 

[haydensydney]

There may even be a prima donna element there in some cases.

Perhaps "Pack a Sad" is another relevant term :mrgreen: :

Pack a sad
New Zealand slang. Meaning 'To throw a tantrum'
Oi dont do that or she'll pack a sad.

lol

 

[Fantic125]

Right, that it! I've had enough.

I don't like the tone of this thread and I'm leaving!

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I'm back!


Seriously though, as mentioned above I think some people use it as a final vent and to explain the reason why they've had enough, whereas others may use it just to notify "forum friends" who they may never have met that they haven't died, they've just stopped contributing to the forum.

I guess it stops the; "I wonder whatever happened to.........". :?:

 

[munitalP]

I left for good.

6-8 weeks (or more) later, after face to face discussions with other members, a couple of MODS and ADMIN, I humbly returned.

Why did I leave? I cracked the sh!ts over a couple of posts I felt should have been removed and they weren't.

Justified? - it was to me at the time

Why did I post "it's over" - to let AFF friends know I hadn't died in a plane crash

If I didn't have close "human" friends on AFF, I would have just stopped posting and never returned.

 

[medhead]

Well I can tell you in my case, I didn't say I was leaving. I replied to my belated intro thread, which committed me to being more social, that I was no longer committed to doing so. This was prompted by many things including that I saw I was number 3 (behind 2 mods) on the list of top posters for that month and deciding that had to be reduced. I haven't been able to find that list again to see if I have reduced my output (links anyone?). I also decided as part of that reduction step to only post to help people with fact based problems (clearly breaking that here)

What amuses me greatly is that people assumed my decision was a hissy fit, packing the sads, decision to take my bat and ball and leave. Don't assume, you only make an cough out of U and me.

Personally it seems to me that this thread is going to quickly degenerate into a series of derogatory attacks on members who have had the curtesy to inform people that they are changing their relationship with the community.


Sent from my iPhone using Aust Freq Fly app so please excuse the lack of links.

 

[haydensydney]

Medhead / munitalP,

I certainly didn't create this thread to berate or demean those who have left and comeback. Of course there are some very real reasons (other than hissy fits) for why people leave and come back. I guess this thread can also serve a place for those who have gone and returned to share their experiences as you guys have done. A question to you both: did you find it hard to live without AFF whilst you were away?

 

[markis10]

Well I can tell you in my case, I didn't say I was leaving. I replied to my belated intro thread, which committed me to being more social, that I was no longer committed to doing so. This was prompted by many things including that I saw I was number 3 (behind 2 mods) on the list of top posters for that month and deciding that had to be reduced. I haven't been able to find that list again to see if I have reduced my output (links anyone?).

Reduced Output???????




Its under quick links then top posters !

 

[simongr]

. Don't assume, you only make an cough out of U and me.

This has always bugged me - you can only make "cough", "u" and "me" by decronstructing assume. Similarly the word "cough" can not me made from the letters u, m and e.

@markis10 those are some scary stats for some of us...

Back to the topic at hand. I think we have covered all of the bases here about why people do it. For self promotion, for letting people know you aren't dead and to organise BBQs. I also thin this thread epitomizes why some people leave - constantly having to justify their reasons for what they do, how they post and what opinions they have.

Take a chill pill people we have big things to achieve! We achieved Priority Boarding on QF for gods sake - next we need to tackle double SC promos for simongr!!!!

 

[serfty]

...
@markis10 those are some scary stats for some of us... ...!!!!

You're not kidding! :shock:

 

[docjames]

At the top in the red bar, quick lnkks >> Top posters of the month/year

I haven't been able to find that list again to see if I have reduced my output (links anyone?). I also decided as part of that reduction step to only post to help people with fact based problems (clearly breaking that here)

.

Re the OT:
I think for most who are regular members, they have had direct contact with people individually and so want to let them know they are ok and havent dropped dead.

Are you offended by the "I'm leaving" posts? Is it any different to the "I'm here" posts?

 

[casanovawa]

I've been here almost a year and I am strill trying to achieve my signature block down the bottom where i can put my Flightmemory map link etc... I am not an internet noob but i have been unable to work out how to... Once I have achieved that it will be taking over the world next or something similarly grandiose!!!

 

[medhead]

Reduced Output???????


View attachment 4631

Its under quick links then top posters !

Damn. So I'm not doing what I claim again It had to have reduced in October and September and earlier - surely. That's bad. Would it be ironic that my bad eyesight/headaches probably caused by looking at iphone too much are going to reduce my numbers?

Oh and I couldn't find that list last night when I was searching.....

A question to you both: did you find it hard to live without AFF whilst you were away?

Yes and no. I missed the helpful and useful advice - hence my resolution. I didn't miss other things and sometimes now I wonder why I bother - which is totally at odds with the numbers.

 

[nlagalle]

I've been here almost a year and I am strill trying to achieve my signature block down the bottom where i can put my Flightmemory map link etc... I am not an internet noob but i have been unable to work out how to... Once I have achieved that it will be taking over the world next or something similarly grandiose!!!

you need to be a silver or gold member to make a signature....

 

[nlagalle]

Reduced Output???????View attachment 4631Its under quick links then top posters !

hmm.... i don't get that option...