A bit of humour

[drron]

I wonder if he feels the sentence is excessive.

 

[serfty]

Dubai and Abu Dhabi Ranked in Top 20 Cities in World Where People Want to Move to For a Bit and Then Think About Leaving

 

[Dr Bob]

Singles ad from the Atlanta Journal.

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.
I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods,
riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights
lying by the fire.
Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door
when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.
Call (xx_) xx_-xx_x and ask for Daisy.


Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta RSPCA about an 8 week old Black Labrador.

 

[Major]

Sally Mulligan of Paddington NSW decided to take one of the jobs that most Australians are not willing to do.


Sally applied for a job in a lemon grove and seemed to be far too qualified for the job. She has a liberal arts degree from the University of Adelaide and had worked as a social worker and a school teacher.


The foreman frowned and said, “I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons ??"


“Well, as a matter of fact, I have," she said.


“I've been divorced three times, owned two Jeeps, voted twice for Pauline Hanson, and once for Clive Palmer.”

She starts in the morning.

 

[codash1099]

Man Shaves 1.7 Seconds Off 2-Hour Flight By Standing Up As Soon As Plane Lands – The Shovel

 

[jgm]

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75-year-old farmer, the doctor struck up a conversation with
the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders.

The old farmer said, "Well, as I see it, most politicians are 'Post Tortoises'."

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post tortoise' was.

The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with
a tortoise balanced on top, that's a post tortoise."

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. "You know he didn't
get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's
elevated beyond his ability to function,and you just wonder what kind of dumb cough put him up there to
begin with."

 

[Hvr]

I've just been fired from my job at the calendar factory.

I only took a couple of days off.

 

[Hvr]

I'm worried about the stairs, they're always up to something.

 

[love_the_life]

Are you sick again Hvr with too much time on your hands?

 

[cosi]

What the .....?

 

[Hvr]

Why do vegetarians like lettuce?


Just cos.

 

[Hvr]

I know the feeling.

 

[Hvr]

The shop owner swore that it was going to be the best cheese I had ever tasted.

It wasn't, but who am I to dis a brie?

 

[Hvr]

Why don't you see elephants hide in trees?


Because they're good at it.

 

[Hvr]

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floor?


It was a stage he was going through.

 

[Hvr]

Do you know the bloke who invented Lifesavers?



I heard he made a mint.

 

[oz_mark]

 

[oz_mark]

 

[Major]

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed,observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.


I'd like to be twelve again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.


On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops,

and then took her to a theme park.

What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Corkscrew, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.


Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.


Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a Mac Donald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to the cinema with popcorn, a huge Cola, and her favourite sweets......M&M's.

What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked,

'Well Dear, what was it like being twelve again?'


Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!'


The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

 

[Hvr]

I'm giving away all of my dead batteries.



Free of charge.