A bit of humour

[Hvr]

Who says this?

Is it better like this or like this?





An optometrist on his wedding night.

 

[Hvr]

Why are LOT planes the shiniest in the sky?

Because they Polish them.

 

[straitman]

What do oceans say when they meet?


Nothing, they just wave.

That’s actually a good joke for you Hvr.

 

[Hvr]

 

[Hvr]

What sort of news do you get from the Fishmonger?






Hake News...........

(Can anybody trump that?)

 

[Hvr]

A true story about a fly, a fish, a bear, a hunter, a mouse and a cat.

There is a moral to this story; but not exactly the one most of us are expecting!

In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. The hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, “Gosh…if I go down three inches I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed.”

There was a fish in the water thinking, “Gosh…if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him.”

There was a bear on the shore thinking, “Gosh…if that fly goes down three inches that fish will jump for the fly…and I will grab him!”

It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich….

Gosh,” he thought, “if that fly goes down three inches…and that fish leaps for it…that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish. I’ll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch.”

Now, you probably think this is enough activity on one bank of a lake; but I can tell you there’s more….

A wee mouse by the hunter’s foot was thinking, “Gosh if that fly goes down three inches…and that fish jumps for that fly… and that bear grabs for that fish…the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich.”

A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, (as was fashionable to do on the banks of this particular lake around lunchtime)’
“Gosh…if that fly goes down three inches..and that fish jumps for that fly … and that bear grabs for that fish and that hunter shoots that
bear…and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich …then I can have mouse for lunch.”

The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water.

The fish swallows the fly… The bear grabs the fish… The hunter shoots the bear.. The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich… The cat jumps for the
mouse.. The mouse ducks…The cat falls into the water and drowns.

The moral of the story is: ?

Whenever a fly goes down three inches, some cough is in serious danger.

 

[love_the_life]

A true story about a fly, a fish, a bear, a hunter, a mouse and a cat.

There is a moral to this story; but not exactly the one most of us are expecting!

In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. The hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, “Gosh…if I go down three inches I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed.”

There was a fish in the water thinking, “Gosh…if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him.”

There was a bear on the shore thinking, “Gosh…if that fly goes down three inches that fish will jump for the fly…and I will grab him!”

It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich….

Gosh,” he thought, “if that fly goes down three inches…and that fish leaps for it…that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish. I’ll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch.”

Now, you probably think this is enough activity on one bank of a lake; but I can tell you there’s more….

A wee mouse by the hunter’s foot was thinking, “Gosh if that fly goes down three inches…and that fish jumps for that fly… and that bear grabs for that fish…the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich.”

A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, (as was fashionable to do on the banks of this particular lake around lunchtime)’
“Gosh…if that fly goes down three inches..and that fish jumps for that fly … and that bear grabs for that fish and that hunter shoots that
bear…and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich …then I can have mouse for lunch.”

The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water.

The fish swallows the fly… The bear grabs the fish… The hunter shoots the bear.. The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich… The cat jumps for the
mouse.. The mouse ducks…The cat falls into the water and drowns.

The moral of the story is: ?

Whenever a fly goes down three inches, some cat is in serious danger.

I thought you were supposed to be sick?

 

[love_the_life]

What sort of news do you get from the Fishmonger?
......
Hake News...........

(Can anybody trump that?)

boom boon

 

[Hvr]

I thought you were supposed to be sick?

I am and this one should prove it:

Was giving a friend a driving lesson yesterday and I told her to depress the clutch so she looked down and said everybody likes the brakes and the accelerator is better than you.

 

[codash1099]

 

[codash1099]

 

[codash1099]

 

[love_the_life]

I am and this one should prove it:

Was giving a friend a driving lesson yesterday and I told her to depress the clutch so she looked down and said everybody likes the brakes and the accelerator is better than you.

Very droll!
Hope you are feeling better.

 

[love_the_life]

Not quite flying but still travel related.

 

[love_the_life]

Warning for Republican supporters. Don't read on.

 

[JohnK]

I thought you were supposed to be sick?

From memory this thread gets a good workout most times @Hvr is sick.

 

[Hvr]

What do you call it when a chameleon can't change colours anymore??



A reptile dysfunction.

 

[Hvr]

You're not crazy, it is planned.

 

[Hvr]

Why is Peter Pan always flying??

Because he never lands.

 

[drron]

From twitter-
Any man who can do that should be allowed to.