Amazing Race Style Trip for Wedding including Hens/Bucks

Status
Not open for further replies.

shellthom

Member
Joined
Aug 16, 2012
Messages
484
Points
10
Hi All,

Quick Background:

We travel where we can, its taken a back seat since my mums cancer diagnosis but her treatment is just for 1 more year (hopefully she gets the all clear). So I am hoping to have our wedding Feb or May 2016 (off season).

Had our engagement party the weekend after my BIL - to be's hens/bucks do, my MIL - to be tried to cancel the party 3 days before through a very horrible voicemail left on my partners phone because she had been rude to her DIL to be at her Hens night and didn't like people having noticed it. We moved out party (originally being held at their house) to a hall, which she then tried to cancel even though I had already paid and told my partner he was out of the family and would need to change his surname to mine. They came to the party as if nothing had happened. But they did ruin our party as best they could and my partner is still not over it. I cried for weeks but have moved on now.

These have today brought me to an Amazing Race idea. People will need to pay most of their own way. I am hoping $2000, to $2500. Flights, accommodation, hens, wedding, after party brunch or what ever and maybe an American event or two included. Vegas is obvious, I have been a few times before though. So then I thought maybe Cancun or similar, all inclusive resort for a few days as the hens/bucks - yes we will have them together. A few days somewhere relaxing thats not a party town, then a final location for the wedding.

My not quite thought through plan was to send out a wedding invite stating the dates and cost, and something very generic yet clever about it being a holiday trip, and leaving clues and such as time went on or at each new destination etc. So people won't know the destinations or activities until they arrive in each town. It is likely to be immediate family, maybe a friend each who would come, so under 20 people in total. Which is perfect for us.

I thought it might just be a bit more fun (or where ever, maybe Asia), its right up our alley in terms of how we generally give each other gifts and I am looking at cool things that might tie in, like the comicon convention or college sporting match which I think as an Australian would be awesome to go to. I'd say Super Bowl if it wasn't 20 grand a ticket, I do hear though that college games can be more exciting than the Super Bowl.

Is it s super selfish idea? No matter what we do, if we did something in Australia I see it costing people $500 (+ whatever gift if they give one) to come, which is more affordable but they don't get anything for that. We spent a fair few thousand this past weekend, and for their lead up events, for my BIL-to be's wedding and I'd probably have preferred to spend it going overseas. I know the events cost them a lot personally as well, but if everyone is paying for the wedding anyway (guests and hosts) why not put the money to better use?

I really do try to make short posts. I just don't know how. Sorry guys.
 
Last edited:

shellthom

Member
Joined
Aug 16, 2012
Messages
484
Points
10
Any suggestions on the best way to pull it off? Has anyone done it before? Comments from those who have planned a wedding or group trip also appreciated (on if its ridiculous and for more effort and stress than its worth etc etc).

I was thinking combination of points, paid, and gift vouchers. My uncle has a reward program through his work and can convert the supplier points into flight centre vouchers, so I could ask for those to book their flights/hotel/activites. I would probably try to upgrade my parents be it paid then points upgrade or points purchase. I was also thinking a couple AA/USDM purchases to keep costs low and people happy in their better than economy seats. You know, some real Bang for their buck.
 

Denali

Senior Member
Joined
Sep 17, 2012
Messages
6,434
Solutions
1
Points
1,800
So basically you want a destination wedding but want to be a special snowflake about it and torture those invited/that are paying to attend by making them race around like obnoxious tourists?

As someone that eloped to the tropics, Im all for a destination wedding but it seems a lot of hard work and aggravation because you are going to end up having to listen to people cough and moan about a variety of things.

Pick a date and place, book, invite people and try not to take on too much responsibility in organising lots of other people because you will get burned financially or burnt out by the coughing and opinions. Everyone at first is going to love the idea and say yeah but when it comes to actually booking annual leave, putting down deposits and paying, some will back out.

Edit: Oh and congrats on your engagement and your moms continued improvement! Your FMIL has already shown you shes going to be a hand full so don't give her an inch or she'll do her best to upset your plans further.
 
Last edited:

shellthom

Member
Joined
Aug 16, 2012
Messages
484
Points
10
So basically you want a destination wedding but want to be a special snowflake about it and torture those invited/that are paying to attend by making them race around like obnoxious tourists?

As someone that eloped to the tropics, Im all for a destination wedding but it seems a lot of hard work and aggravation because you are going to end up having to listen to people cough and moan about a variety of things.

Pick a date and place, book, invite people and try not to take on too much responsibility in organising lots of other people because you will get burned financially or burnt out by the coughing and opinions. Everyone at first is going to love the idea and say yeah but when it comes to actually putting down deposits and paying, some will back out.

Edit: Oh and congrats on your engagement and your moms continued improvement! Your FMIL has already shown you shes going to be a hand full so don't give her an inch or she'll do her best to upset your plans further.

No actual race as such, travelling together but with clues and hints as to where we might go and then one arrival some details about what has been booked in.

It would be something like
- Invite including days required off work, cost involved to come, request for passports to be current, date of deposit and amount, date of final payment
- closer to departure a packing card clue
- day before departure everyone arriving at some hotel so I know we are all there on time and ready for the flight/s
- if I can I'll check everyone in myself so they don't know where we are going until departure time
- a welcome card with the current details say " all inclusive 4 night stay for the bucks/hens/pre wedding celebration".
- on the night before check out a clue in their room for the next destination
- wedding somewhere
- then everyone (else) goes home

Yes, I would like to hear more about how much coughing/backlash there might be.

I guess my reasoning was everyone is invited but no one knows so I don't get a year of "relevant" stress and horrible comments as my BIL and his fiancee received. FMIL was so demanding of them, rude, whinged, said she would cry if she didn't get her way, often taking up whole weekends to be driven around the venue of their wedding site and did that multiple times then got lost on the day.. so...she's the mother of boys only and apart from the fact that she says it all the time, its obvious she wanted girls. She wanted to plan and not pay for the wedding. We included her in our engagement party to appease that side of her and she was horrible so I know now not to pander to her.
If no one knows everyone has the same questions and there will be no answers so I can tune out the whinging and just say its all "part of the game/surprise/scavenger hunt". If we plan something here or just a normal destination wedding, she will whinge until its my head explodes. No matter what we do it will be a whinge fest, but if everyone else is having the same whinge I will cope better I think.

My family is supportive so I don't think they will care, they will think its exciting and they may whinge but its not to the same level.

But I guess I figured people here would know better than me if it is possible/worth it.
 
Last edited:

Denali

Senior Member
Joined
Sep 17, 2012
Messages
6,434
Solutions
1
Points
1,800
Something to keep in mind is your wedding is super exciting and thrilling for you.... not so much for everyone else.

You are asking others to use their annual leave and money to celebrate you. $$ X two if they are a couple. That's fine, you getting married IS happy news but just because you think racing around Cancun or Vegas like a idiot tourist with only a clue is fun, not so much for everyone else because someone is going to want to sit by the pool and drink a few margaritas or someone is going to want to do their own thing/interests or see Barry Manilow in concert.

But this is me. Im hate organised travel groups, Ive had to hand hold quite a few people on some trips that my husband was the trip leader for where people complained about the bugs or heat or food or didn't know how to cross the street to get on a bus to go to town and would follow me to breakfast and dinner. Only last month a friends wedding and some people booked into the resort down the road to save money but then spent money every morning catching a taxi to us. Oh, and bride/her fiancé and her mom/dad were upgraded to club rooms by the resort but FMIL wasn't, shes still coughing about that.

Some people are happy to be treated like a lemming but not everyone.

Oh and your FMIL already tried to financially **** you over and ruin your engagement, if shes not already on extreme low contact now, you should be planning on it because bat poop crazy generally doesn't improve with the less control they have.

If you insist with this idea, I would look for a travel agent/web site that will handle it so you are hands off because you are going to get burnt out. You cant be spending your time handing out departure cards and making sure people have their esta and dates booked and leave approved. They are adults. Please, save yourself from all of that.
 
Last edited:

shellthom

Member
Joined
Aug 16, 2012
Messages
484
Points
10
There is no racing around, not like that..
Once we get to a place it will be xx dinner is booked if you want to attend, or xx tour is booked.
Its not a running around at the destination like a dick, doing challenges or finding this or that kind of thing.
By amazing race, I mean - because they go to a couple destinations but don't know where they are going.
There might be some pre booked activities, which will most likely be ones included free with all inclusive resorts.

My point is kind of your point as well. We paid thousands to go to a wedding that lasted hours and it was only located 2 hours from our house. Less even. Because there was the hens and bucks, helping out with things, stuff at times that required us to stay over night before and after the wedding. All those little things add up. Then the gift on top. Just about everyone in my family would need to take leave to come to a wedding of mine in Australia (no one lives near me and none of them live near each other so its travel for them regardless). I am not set on the idea, at the moment I do feel it has more value for the guests though.
My back up plan is Quay in Sydney during Vivid light festival, which will cost about the same for us and about 3/4 less for everyone else.

At the wedding on the weekend, the bride and groom were begging people to stay after the music was shut off, I think because they didn't want the night to end, it was a nice wedding and I am guessing they really enjoyed it because everyone else did. But after so much time and effort it probably ended just that bit too soon for them. As a guest who spent a lot to attend I probably would also have liked more time, not at the wedding as such but in the area and at the hotel to relax and take it all in.

I don't expect people to come because its our wedding and they want to be there for us (as would be the case if it was in Australia), I would expect very few would come because a lot just wouldn't be up for it. Not if it included travel.

My partner and I do it to each other for birthdays and it is really fine and nice to go on holiday where the planning was done for you.
 
Last edited:

Gogo65

Member
Joined
Dec 25, 2008
Messages
139
Points
150
I think it is a great idea, but I'm not like the majority here, who travel regularly for their work. I'm a leisure traveller, who tries to go overseas twice a year because I love to travel. I would love this, not knowing exactly where I'm going, but knowing I was going to be with friends etc would be my idea of a great holiday. I think your close friends would be ok with it, after all they just want to be with you to celebrate your marriage and if it makes you guys happy then they will be happy, the ones that would complain and whinge are better not there anyway.
 

shellthom

Member
Joined
Aug 16, 2012
Messages
484
Points
10
I think it is a great idea, but I'm not like the majority here, who travel regularly for their work. I'm a leisure traveller, who tries to go overseas twice a year because I love to travel. I would love this, not knowing exactly where I'm going, but knowing I was going to be with friends etc would be my idea of a great holiday. I think your close friends would be ok with it, after all they just want to be with you to celebrate your marriage and if it makes you guys happy then they will be happy, the ones that would complain and whinge are better not there anyway.

Thanks, it is nice to hear another side.

No one in our family/friends group travels as much as us.
Have been overseas twice in the 8 years I have known them, and it was 35 years before that when they went on their honeymoon. Both times they went on very expensive tours, not for luxury (3* hotels) but because of the fully escorted-ness.
I guess I need to sit and think properly about who is likely to come, who it would be excluding and if I would really want them to be there.

We also are leisure travellers. All our friends/family would be leisure travellers if they travelled/took holidays. The BIL who just got married is the only person who travels for work.

I'd be aiming for $2000 to $2500 for guests to contribute, less if I could manage it but with international flights being half of that cost I don't see it being less. Its a lot, but compared to tours etc it should be good value.

I would get the ok from my mums doctor and give almost a years notice for people to save.
 

Pushka

Veteran Member
Joined
Jan 26, 2011
Messages
28,280
Solutions
4
Points
3,350
Qantas
Platinum
Virgin
Red
Given the issues you mentioned in the first paragraph and the stresses of marriage I'm thinking this is a classic Kis moment. Keep it simple and keep in mind the whole point in what you are doing. Getting married.
 
Now with contactless delivery, shop online to get drinks delivered to your door or pick up in-store in 30 minutes. Lowest Liquor Price Guarantee. Biggest Range.

AFF Supporters can remove this and all advertisements

shellthom

Member
Joined
Aug 16, 2012
Messages
484
Points
10
Given the issues you mentioned in the first paragraph and the stresses of marriage I'm thinking this is a classic Kis moment. Keep it simple and keep in mind the whole point in what you are doing. Getting married.

What would you suggest as an alternative? I could use some ideas. Church is out, beach is out, garden is out, farm is out.
 

JessicaTam

Enthusiast
Moderator
Joined
Jan 29, 2012
Messages
15,593
Points
1,985
Qantas
LT Gold
Virgin
Red
I like the concept, but like others am concerned with the execution. I realise that Vegas is on the list, but that means ESTAs. And if a member of your family/friends has problems applying for whatever reason that will rule them out from attending.

Along the KISS principle, what about somewhere closer, like NZ? Between the two main islands there is plenty to keep the 'race' interesting.

And not too hard to go and check things out beforehand!
 

shellthom

Member
Joined
Aug 16, 2012
Messages
484
Points
10
I like the concept, but like others am concerned with the execution. I realise that Vegas is on the list, but that means ESTAs. And if a member of your family/friends has problems applying for whatever reason that will rule them out from attending.

Along the KISS principle, what about somewhere closer, like NZ? Between the two main islands there is plenty to keep the 'race' interesting.

And not too hard to go and check things out beforehand!

No destinations are set. I was also thinking along the Hong Kong, Taipei, Singapore lines. I like the idea of America because they do airport to hotel shuttles well, Asia also has a good hotel car system. Most of my family currently wants to go to America, including my mum (she wants to see horse show though), the only person on the invite list that doesn't want to go is my sister and she has been reconsidering it.

Execution is also something I would need to think a lot more about, I do like the idea of having such a time consuming distraction as keeping my mind occupied also keeps my mum happy - I am not working so I can be there for her, but she gets annoyed when I am asking how she is too often.
I would get details and do the Esta's for people, I will have to check the rules again to make sure thats allowed. They may be adults, but no one said they were capable. So I would rather do it at the time of getting the yes and deposit, than allowing people to do it themselves. I would do their travel insurance then as well.
 

Pushka

Veteran Member
Joined
Jan 26, 2011
Messages
28,280
Solutions
4
Points
3,350
Qantas
Platinum
Virgin
Red
Honestly, whatever happened to just getting married and enjoying that moment? Maybe I'm showing my age. :p
 

JessicaTam

Enthusiast
Moderator
Joined
Jan 29, 2012
Messages
15,593
Points
1,985
Qantas
LT Gold
Virgin
Red
No destinations are set. I was also thinking along the Hong Kong, Taipei, Singapore lines. I like the idea of America because they do airport to hotel shuttles well, Asia also has a good hotel car system. Most of my family currently wants to go to America, including my mum (she wants to see horse show though), the only person on the invite list that doesn't want to go is my sister and she has been reconsidering it.

Execution is also something I would need to think a lot more about, I do like the idea of having such a time consuming distraction as keeping my mind occupied also keeps my mum happy - I am not working so I can be there for her, but she gets annoyed when I am asking how she is too often.
I would get details and do the Esta's for people, I will have to check the rules again to make sure thats allowed. They may be adults, but no one said they were capable. So I would rather do it at the time of getting the yes and deposit, than allowing people to do it themselves. I would do their travel insurance then as well.
I would be very reluctant about doing an ESTA for someone else.

A friend may have punched someone on the nose twenty years ago and been given a good behaviour bond or the like, and you would have no idea. You are then making a (potentially false) declaration on their behalf.

The same with insurance. I wouldn't let anyone do mine, due to a couple of old but (still considered) pre-existing conditions. Not the sorts of things I would want to share with a travel organiser.

Edit: Don't forget KISS
 
Last edited:

shellthom

Member
Joined
Aug 16, 2012
Messages
484
Points
10
There is nothing wrong with just getting married. But given the expense to more than half my guests to come to a simple wedding, not to mention my parents will have to take a week off for a 1 night show. I don't live in the day or age where my family is close by, if I have the wedding near to them there isn't enough hotel rooms for the other guests to stay at the town. They would need to travel to the next town. If they come here, its a whole week they would need off, unless I have it on a Sunday, in which case everyone else needs time off…
So, to me its the most "simple" solution to a wedding thats relevant to us.
I don't know how to plan a wedding, I do know how to plan a good holiday. Thats the angle I approached it from I guess.

Yes, I don't know the rules on ESTA as it has been a while since I last did mine. Usually my grandma would say she has no pre existing conditions, so I have to explain to her the number of pills she takes are for conditions the insurance needs to know about. Maybe I won't do ESTA for people but the Insurance would be more accurate with my help. Its not that they intend to lie, they just don't think about it.
 

JessicaTam

Enthusiast
Moderator
Joined
Jan 29, 2012
Messages
15,593
Points
1,985
Qantas
LT Gold
Virgin
Red
There is nothing wrong with just getting married. But given the expense to more than half my guests to come to a simple wedding, not to mention my parents will have to take a week off for a 1 night show. I don't live in the day or age where my family is close by, if I have the wedding near to them there isn't enough hotel rooms for the other guests to stay at the town. They would need to travel to the next town. If they come here, its a whole week they would need off, unless I have it on a Sunday, in which case everyone else needs time off…
So, to me its the most "simple" solution to a wedding thats relevant to us.
I don't know how to plan a wedding, I do know how to plan a good holiday. Thats the angle I approached it from I guess.

Yes, I don't know the rules on ESTA as it has been a while since I last did mine. Usually my grandma would say she has no pre existing conditions, so I have to explain to her the number of pills she takes are for conditions the insurance needs to know about. Maybe I won't do ESTA for people but the Insurance would be more accurate with my help. Its not that they intend to lie, they just don't think about it.
It is your wedding, and so it is up to you and your fiancé to choose how you will celebrate it.

Whatever you decide shellthom, I expect a bloody good TR! :D
 

shellthom

Member
Joined
Aug 16, 2012
Messages
484
Points
10
It is your wedding, and so it is up to you and your fiancé to choose how you will celebrate it.

Whatever you decide shellthom, I expect a bloody good TR! :D

It will take some serious planning.

If you want a *good TR* I will have to make someone else join so they can write it.
I am horrible at telling stories, they are too long!! :oops:
 

Pushka

Veteran Member
Joined
Jan 26, 2011
Messages
28,280
Solutions
4
Points
3,350
Qantas
Platinum
Virgin
Red
It is your wedding, and so it is up to you and your fiancé to choose how you will celebrate it.

Whatever you decide shellthom, I expect a bloody good TR! :D

Of course it's up to each couple how to organise their own wedding and how it's celebrated. But it's a forum here and shellthom has asked for thoughts. Planning a wedding is full on just on its own let alone the description above. I remember shellthom from a few months ago and concerns about when to announce her engagement.

And there are a couple of red flags here as to how previous events have panned out. And every wedding planned is complicated just doing the ceremony and reception let alone such a huge planning event as this.

My son attended his mates wedding in South America. The wedding itself consisted of multiple ceremonies. A group of friends rented a house and had a wonderful time. But the difference here is that the guests organised it themselves leaving the bridal couple to deal with all the ceremonies.
 

shellthom

Member
Joined
Aug 16, 2012
Messages
484
Points
10
Of course it's up to each couple how to organise their own wedding and how it's celebrated. But it's a forum here and shellthom has asked for thoughts. Planning a wedding is full on just on its own let alone the description above. I remember shellthom from a few months ago and concerns about when to announce her engagement.

And there are a couple of red flags here as to how previous events have panned out. And every wedding planned is complicated just doing the ceremony and reception let alone such a huge planning event as this.

My son attended his mates wedding in South America. The wedding itself consisted of multiple ceremonies. A group of friends rented a house and had a wonderful time. But the difference here is that the guests organised it themselves leaving the bridal couple to deal with all the ceremonies.

And I am here to hear all sides of the argument, then apply it to the people so see if there is a better way to have our wedding, more relevant way or a work around.
Yes, many many red flags. To the point where I asked my partner if he really wants to go through with it, given that I am now unlikely to speak to his parents, grandma and younger brother again. I have spoken to them because there was a wedding on the weekend and I am not rude, given that my partner is still reeling from their conduct he doesn't care at the moment. My family is very important to me and I value family a lot so it is difficult for me that his family is so horrible and selfish. Any trip on a plane will exclude his grandmother because she doesn't want to fly, if she wanted to come I'd arrange non Y for her but I think hers would be a straight up no. My partner said: "I want to invite everyone to our wedding still but we will need to have it in the himalayas or something so they can't come". His words. So I think he is also concerned about the drama his mother causes (over everything in every day life not just wedding things) although he hasn't said that.

At the BIL wedding I spoke to people who were strangers to me rather than them so I do not know how much whinging they did. I do know there was a lot of yelling and scathing comments after the wedding between the MIL and FIL because the FIL's speech wasn't as good as the brides fathers.

I do need to think about what I am up against. Probably have a Disney wedding or something (cheap) thats fully planned by someone else and we just show up with a family style restaurant dinner.
 

Anna

Established Member
Joined
Jan 17, 2005
Messages
2,690
Solutions
1
Points
725
This sounds like a fantastic idea for a holiday with friends who are totally up for it.

For a wedding, not so much. People feel obliged to go to weddings. Forcing them to do all sorts of extra stuff around the wedding isn't really fair, especially when it is expensive.

Also, because I am old and have a lot more life experience and people generally pay hundreds of dollars for my advice, I am going to say this - concentrate on making the marriage work. The wedding day is just one day in a very long time. It is like 0.00001% of the marriage. It is not even the most important day of your marriage. The most important day of your marriage will be the day when everything has gone wrong and you really really feel like it just can't work any more and you want to walk out but somehow you manage to make it stick together for one more day. Then the days keep passing and suddenly you realise the problems have disappeared and you are fine together again, and you weathered the storm together. Just get through the wedding day however you decide to celebrate it, but make your focus the life-long commitment of the marriage. Not just one day of it.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top