After years of flying, always something new to laugh at

[FlyboyAl]

On a side note, I have always been interested to see these doors in action (and I was travelling for work so I could have missed my morning appointments) so I was kind of curious but also glad that she didn't do it.

We were on a 737-800 and the doors were the type that flip out and upwards so I'm guessing a 'reset' wouldn't take too long as there are no slides involved. There probably would be some requirement for an engineer to signoff etc.

If you listen as the flight taxis, you hear the captain asking the flight crew to "arm the doors" - that is the bit to sort out the emergency slides

 

[Bad Seed]

Taking off from Brisbane on a wet gusty windy day the Nun sitting next to me grabbed my hand and said that she was terrified of flying. I was able to comfort her by pointing out that once we had taken off nothing was a problem as all planes landed - it was just a case of when and where! This obviously worked as she let go of my hand and grasped her own and prayed for the rest of the flight.

I work for a Catholic organisation and fly from time to time with my boss, a priest, and he always crosses himself and prays as we take off and land -anything that helps hey?

 

[kiwitripper64]

My boss was flying J from LHR-LAX-AKL on ANZ. He got on the plane and sat in his assigned seat. A min later a woman gets on, looks at him and starts on about someone taking her seat and getting very aggitated. FA comes and check and both people had same seat allocation. FA asked if my boss would mind moving, and was shown to a new seat in F. ( Yes it is an old ANZ story)
Boss couldnt believe his luck. Had a bubbly, strapped in and then while still on ascent, the plane turned back. He didnt even get a second drink. On the ground, the tickets were re-issued and he ended back in J. My bosses great time in F

 

[Misha]

... I didn't speak Mandarin. The poor FA was required - just for me - to attempt the safety briefing in English. After finishing her Chinese version, she look at me, held up the safety card and said "ummm, when this plane have crash, please read safety card".

Depending on which airline you were flying (Air China for example) - it may well have been the correct translation

I work for a Catholic organisation and fly from time to time with my boss, a priest, and he always crosses himself and prays as we take off and land -anything that helps hey?

Whilst I don't cross myself (never want to draw attention to myself) - as often as I fly, I still pray during take off!

My 'funny' experience only occured last week on Easter Saturday... I was flying up to Sydney to spend Easter with my family...

The couple next to me were... well, they were something! They were (I assume) a married couple. The language they were using was quite offensive, but with ipod in ears that can be drowned out. They spoke all throughout the safety demo - (they didn't get the traditional "Could you please allow others to listen" speech) but again, that's not (unfortunately) an uncommon thing.

But... the worst of all - whilst she was reading the standard mags like Women's Weekly or something - he had three different coughographic magazines (not soft-core my friends) - which he was 'reading' for the full hour. He would often show his wife some pictures and they would discuss the details.

I am all for freedom of speech and would defend everyone's right to do what they please - but sitting shoulder to shoulder with this guy - I felt like I had to keep my neck to the right which was mighty uncomfortable... I couldn't ask him to put it away as I didn't really have the right to - and though I tried to catch the eye of the FA so they would hopefully move me up a seat - that didn't work either.

Every time I forgot and turned to look out the window I copped more than a view of the East Coast!!! Certainly an interesting flight

 

[Timba-Jet]

In the pursuit of cheap fares, we can all enjoy this posting at YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPyl2tOaKxM

This is a feckin hoot, love it!
Thanks for sharing

 

[Jobu]

In the pursuit of cheap fares, we can all enjoy this posting at YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPyl2tOaKxM

That's hilarious.

 

[zig]

This is a feckin hoot, love it!
Thanks for sharing

What a hoot! Very funny. I wish I could send a link to the grandmother from tonights episode of Airways who was trying to get back to Darwin, it might give her a laugh

 

[LiamR]

What a hoot! Very funny. I wish I could send a link to the grandmother from tonights episode of Airways who was trying to get back to Darwin, it might give her a laugh

Watch Air Ways: Thu 5 May, series 3 episode 1 - PLUS7

 

[harvyk]

In the pursuit of cheap fares, we can all enjoy this posting at YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPyl2tOaKxM

Very funny...

As the comments say, there are 93 ryanair employees who dislike this video...

 

[ozmille]

BNE to SYD last week in J on 767 two pax sat down in seats 2 EF. A little while later woman gets on with boarding pass 2E and asks to see the boarding pass of the guy sitting in her seat, he had row 41:!: Just trying his luck I think. Made me chuckle when he had to move back

 

[ausi ski bum]

A few years back on virgin as part of the safety demo the FA announced due to safety regulations Chocolate is not allowed on this aircraft and the crew will be along shortly to collect any chocolate you inadvetantly brought on board. I saw at least five passengers holding up their chocky bars for collection.

 

[Romantic]

ROMANCE IN THE AIR

One of my tenants met her husband on an international flight when they sat together and just hit it off. Well on an international flight to Oz via Dubai, I arrived at my seat and there was a nice looking grey-haired chap sitting at the window (I was stuck in the middle on both flights back, despite having requested aisle seats all the way) and I said good evening and sat down thinking, am I looking at my romantic future?

I barely had time to buckle my belt before he was asleep. When the steward came around with dinners, he refused it and kept sleeping. I ate mine and settled back to watch the movie.

About an hour later My Romantic Future started moving in his seat, sort of twitching and groaning. Then he opened his eyes but was obviously not with us and kept twitching and writhing. I tried to wake him as I thought he was having a fit (I have some experience of petit mal) but he grunted and eventually went back to sleep. I thought perhaps I was mistaken and he had had a weird nightmare. So I went back to watching the movie.

An hour or so on, he sat up and put his hand over his face. Unfortunately that didn’t stop him being violently sick, about five times. By trying to hold it in with his hands it had a sprinkler effect and sprayed everywhere, all over his clothes, the seat and the floor and on me. It was all over his face, too – less good looking now. Seems it was my nightmare at this point.

I got up and asked the stewards for help. One poor steward went and cleaned him up and I asked him to check if the bloke had anything to change into, for obvious reasons. The steward organised a clean tracksuit but the chap refused to change and sat there squelching in his yuckiness. So, after wiping myself with Wet Ones, I sat on the steward’s pull down seat at the back for the rest of the trip - about five hours. They apologised but there wasn’t a single available seat. I knew if I sat next to the smell, I’d probably follow his lead.

I had no choice but to go back to the seat for landing in Dubai and My Romantic Future, still sitting there with horrible bits of stuff hanging off him and stinking, didn’t apologise. I told him I thought he needed to see a doctor because of the fit he may have had but he absolutely denied the possibility and said he just had a bit of fever.

Anyway my future husband got off at the end of the flight and didn’t say goodbye or even look back.

I got the men’s tracksuit as a consolation prize.

 

[pshepvic]

A few years back on virgin as part of the safety demo the FA announced due to safety regulations Chocolate is not allowed on this aircraft and the crew will be along shortly to collect any chocolate you inadvetantly brought on board. I saw at least five passengers holding up their chocky bars for collection.

Virgin have always been good with the humour, a few that I've heard and remember:

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Brisbane ... your baggage will be available on carousel 2 sometime tomorrow"

"Take note of your nearest exit which, like a stalker, may be behind you"

"Your life jacket is equipped with a whistle to attract attention, and a light should you wish to continue reading"

or my personal favourite:

"If gas masks fall from the ceiling, pull down on the mask firmly, stop screaming, and fit the mask before helping others"

Also (which was quite surprising) was a Qantas CSM on an international flight. He would have been in his 60's, with a very proper English accent, and he said "Ladies and gentlemen we'll be dimming the lights on take off to make the crew look better, so there is a light switch in your armrest"

 

[pshepvic]

Another embarassing story where I was the centre of the "incident" was many years ago, when QF was just introducing AVOD into Economy on the 747 fleet.

We had managed to score an Op-Up from Singapore back to Melbourne on a night flight, and because it was my first international J experience I had decided I wasn't going to sleep (although that is the point of a SkyBed I guess) and I wanted to make the most of the flight.

At 3am the AVOD crashed - they tried to reset the unit for my seat to no avail, and next thing the CSM was at my seat saying "we accidentally switched the AVOD on for economy passengers but the system isn't ready yet, so that's the problem. I'll make an announcement and reset the whole system". I said "don't reset it just for me" and she said "oh you're in business so we need to look after you". Before I could say "but I'm on an op-up" she made an announcement to the whole plane at 3 in the morning to say she was resetting the system. So either everyone had their on-demand movie interrupted (and then the loop system only switched back on for Y passengers) or they had their sleep interrupted! All because of an (un-intentionally) whinging J passenger

So I got the movie I wanted to watch ... and to top it off at the end of the flight, she brought me an $80 bottle of the Cab Sauv we were drinking with dinner to apologise for the inconvenience! I felt like saying "do you have 300 more of those for the other passengers?"

 

[2353]

Virgin have always been good with the humour, a few that I've heard and remember:

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Brisbane ... your baggage will be available on carousel 2 sometime tomorrow"

"Take note of your nearest exit which, like a stalker, may be behind you"

"Your life jacket is equipped with a whistle to attract attention, and a light should you wish to continue reading"

or my personal favourite:

"If gas masks fall from the ceiling, pull down on the mask firmly, stop screaming, and fit the mask before helping others"

Also (which was quite surprising) was a Qantas CSM on an international flight. He would have been in his 60's, with a very proper English accent, and he said "Ladies and gentlemen we'll be dimming the lights on take off to make the crew look better, so there is a light switch in your armrest"

Arriving inBrisvegas one night from the South on VB. "If you're leaving us here, you bags will arrive on a carousel downstairs, the flight to Cairns is at Gate 48, Townsville is at Gate 47, Mackay is at Gate 46 and if you're going to Rocky you're stuck with us again".

 

[LiamR]

Virgin have always been good with the humour, a few that I've heard and remember:

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Brisbane ... your baggage will be available on carousel 2 sometime tomorrow"

"Take note of your nearest exit which, like a stalker, may be behind you"

"Your life jacket is equipped with a whistle to attract attention, and a light should you wish to continue reading"

or my personal favourite:

"If gas masks fall from the ceiling, pull down on the mask firmly, stop screaming, and fit the mask before helping others"

Also (which was quite surprising) was a Qantas CSM on an international flight. He would have been in his 60's, with a very proper English accent, and he said "Ladies and gentlemen we'll be dimming the lights on take off to make the crew look better, so there is a light switch in your armrest"

I've heard most of these, quite funny. My favourite is "Ladies and gentlemen, for those of you not farmiliar with our Boeing 737-800, toilets are located at the front and back of Sydney Airport..."

 

[notmensa]

A few years ago on DJ:

"... and your virgins will available for collection at carousel number two.." [nervous laugh] "I mean your *baggage* will be available at carousel number two..."

 

[Jobu]

ROMANCE IN THE AIR

OMG Romantic, what a first post!

 

[zeiron]

My funniest story was flying back to LHR from LAX on UA in F with my mother. I must have been about 16 or so and when the dinner orders were being taken, this snobby English woman ordered her Fillet Mignon. When it arrived, it clearly wasn't to her liking so she somewhat loudly complained to the FA that she was unhappy with her fillet, it was tough and wasnt fit for a dog. The FA promptly apologised and told the lady that she would immediately get her a new fillet that was!
The best bit was the woman had no clue that the FA just took the piss out of her! lol

 

[pshepvic]

I had a giggle today in Sydney T2 ... just about every second announcement sounded something like "Virgin Bl... um ... Virgin Australia flight xx is ready for boarding"!