After years of flying, always something new to laugh at

[Brisbane Flyer]

Thanks for this Found a copy online (ISBN is 962701057X if anyone is interested). On it's way to me now (Used, not new but it was under $3USD, the shipping was over 3 times that but it's still cheap). Won't be here till next month though, but i'm not in a rush

I lived in HKG while Nury Vitachi wrote for the SCMP, v v funny.
We contributed a few tales from our office in Wanchai to him. Also met him for a few beers at one of Wanchiai's famous watering holes.

 

[drewbles]

Virgin have always been good with the humour, a few that I've heard and remember:

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Brisbane ... your baggage will be available on carousel 2 sometime tomorrow"

"Take note of your nearest exit which, like a stalker, may be behind you"

"Your life jacket is equipped with a whistle to attract attention, and a light should you wish to continue reading"

or my personal favourite:

"If gas masks fall from the ceiling, pull down on the mask firmly, stop screaming, and fit the mask before helping others"

Also (which was quite surprising) was a Qantas CSM on an international flight. He would have been in his 60's, with a very proper English accent, and he said "Ladies and gentlemen we'll be dimming the lights on take off to make the crew look better, so there is a light switch in your armrest"

I dislike the Virgin jokes in the safety demos (and I believe they may have been against CASA regulations, but I digress) but on one flight I got "Ladies and Gentlemen there may be 50 ways to leave your lover but there are only 6 ways out of this aircraft".

These days it's more professional which IMHO is more suitable

 

[LiamR]

I had a giggle today in Sydney T2 ... just about every second announcement sounded something like "Virgin Bl... um ... Virgin Australia flight xx is ready for boarding"!

Harharhar... When I was at OOL the other day, they got every announcement perfectly! Bonus points to my texi driver who took my to the "Virgin Australia" terminal at OOL.

 

[pshepvic]

I dislike the Virgin jokes in the safety demos (and I believe they may have been against CASA regulations, but I digress) but on one flight I got "Ladies and Gentlemen there may be 50 ways to leave your lover but there are only 6 ways out of this aircraft".

These days it's more professional which IMHO is more suitable

I agree that the safety demo should be taken seriously and probably isn't a time for jokes (and without wanting to dig up an old story, I don't like the new poor attempt at humour in QF's new video about the seatbelts).

However this doesn't mean it's not funny, it's just not appropriate.

 

[awilcockson]

I dislike the Virgin jokes in the safety demos (and I believe they may have been against CASA regulations, but I digress) but on one flight I got "Ladies and Gentlemen there may be 50 ways to leave your lover but there are only 6 ways out of this aircraft".

I've had that exact line on a Virgin flight before. I actually like it, it made me laugh, and there's even a chance it might make someone pay attention.

 

[SamR]

These days it's more professional which IMHO is more suitable

Yes. I remember a few years ago now, a friend of mine told me that once when he was boarding a DJ flight, he was greeted by a FA with a cup on his head holding a napkin across his face and saying "Welcome to Emirates". :shock:

I don't think you could get away with that anymore.

 

[LiamR]

He was greeted by a FA with a cup on his head holding a napkin across his face and saying "Welcome to Emirates". :shock:

I don't think you could get away with that anymore.

Not a chance.

 

[ozmille]

One BA flight BRU to LHR where I was extremely late to board as last pax due to traffic jam the flight attendant said welcome on the flight to Madrid. I was shocked and thought I had boarded the wrong aircraft on top of everything and then she started laughing...

 

[drewbles]

I agree that the safety demo should be taken seriously and probably isn't a time for jokes (and without wanting to dig up an old story, I don't like the new poor attempt at humour in QF's new video about the seatbelts).

However this doesn't mean it's not funny, it's just not appropriate.

Not to mention how the Team is there to Team up on you and Team help you with the rest of the Team.

Team team.

 

[LiamR]

Not to mention how the Team is there to Team up on you and Team help you with the rest of the Team.

Team team.

I think you missed one?

 

[drewbles]

I think you missed one?

I've been a Team pilot for over 40 Team Years, and the Team and I and the greater Team care just as much about the Team as the Team do about you!

 

[Balwyn3103]

A friend of mine SWEARS he heard this towards the end of a late night, domestic US flight: "In preparation for landing, please return your flight attendant to her full upright position"

 

[Smackbum]

Not as humorous as most of these .... but at least it's true.

I was on a QF A380 to Heathrow recently, and as we were getting ready for departure there was a slight technical delay so the captain had an opportunity to have a longer chat than usual ... only he didn't. My recollection of the conversation was something like this :-

"Good afternoon, this is Captain Killingback (?) from the flight deck. We have identified the faulty relay and it has been replaced, so we will be pushing back shortly. Now you won't hear from me again until we begin our approach to Singapore as my daughter is on this flight and she pleaded with me not to continually interrupt her film with announcements. So sit back and relax and enjoy the QF service"

There were quite a few chuckles to be heard amongst the cabin, and he was true to his word.

 

[ThunderbirdNZ]

@ Smackbum - lawdy I wish there were more captains like that - the (mostly) inane chit chat drives me crazy

Last century, when these things occasionally happened, we got bumped from economy up to business. First (and only) time it happened and it worked (for them) because we started flying business thereafter when we could afford it. Anyway, what's funny is this...

We're sitting there like a pair of newbies (since we were) marvelling at our luxuriant surroundings as they started serving dinner. It all looked fantastic (was it a psuedo silver service back then?) - proper food served on proper plates (not in foil, on the plastic trays) - but then ours arrived. The same foil wrapped plastic tray we would have got in economy.

No, they weren't being cheap - my wife had ordered (for both of us) the diet meal online, so that's what we got! I obviously looked crestfallen, because the FA asked if I would like a 'proper meal'. Which I thoroughly enjoyed as my wife stuck with her steamed fish (no sauce), potato and beans..!

 

[busissi]

I did laugh. Bit off the thread but your wife was wise earlier in asking for a "special meal" for you both. If still in economy you would have been served before the rest of the cabin!

 

[PineappleSkip]

On descent into Port Moresby we were asked by the CSM to 'ensure you have your seat backs stowed in the overhead lockers'. Didn't try it myself...

Cheers skip

 

[drewbles]

I lived in HKG while Nury Vitachi wrote for the SCMP, v v funny.
We contributed a few tales from our office in Wanchai to him. Also met him for a few beers at one of Wanchiai's famous watering holes.

The book arrived (turns out it was a USA used book seller who sourced it and shipped it from the UK) in less than 6 days. Stunning for $10AUD.

Now to find some time to read it. I get the feeling it'll be a good laugh so not a bedtime reading book or i'll never put it down till it's done

 

[MrHyde]

The book arrived (turns out it was a USA used book seller who sourced it and shipped it from the UK) in less than 6 days. Stunning for $10AUD.

Now to find some time to read it. I get the feeling it'll be a good laugh so not a bedtime reading book or i'll never put it down till it's done

Would you mind posting the site on here. I tried looking for it on booko.com.au, but came up with no hits.

 

[drmikki]

I use abebooks.com, excellent for finding books worldwide both secondhand and new.

Note that the surname has 2 Ts - VITTACHI. Might help in your search Good luck!

 

[niemann]

Is there some sort of safety mechanism that prevents the door from being released at altitude?

Makes sense, you wouldn't want some maniac running around the plane opening the emergency exists...

Edit: Just asked my father (former pilot), they can't be opened at altitude. Good to hear!

You're right, but they don't need a safety mechanism, at altitude the pressure differential would prevent a normal human from opening them.