A bit of humour

[Hvr]

Just a thought:

 

[Archipelago]

May take you a minute...

 

[coriander]

May take you a minute...

What's humerus about a dog looking at a femur?

 

[Archipelago]

ehhh, I just liked the play on words. Maybe I was barking up the wrong tree...

 

[Archipelago]

Anyone born after the eighties may not get this...

 

[Deleted member]

Very good.
It took a minute or two.

 

[Major]

A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note
for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.
He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.
So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking
me to leave 25 gallons of milk.
Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up
with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

The milkman asked, "Do you want it "pasteurized?"








The blonde said, "No, just up to my coughs ... I can splash it on my eyes if I
need to!"

 

[Archipelago]

Appropriate..?

 

[Archipelago]

No we won't...

 

[coriander]

A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note
for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

Major is obviously too young to remember the 1971 smash hit "Ernie (Fastest Milkman in the West)" by comedian Benny Hill.

"You could hear the hoof beats pound as they raced across the ground,
And the clatter of the wheels as they spun 'round and 'round.
And he galloped into market street, his badge upon his chest,
His name was Ernie, and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.

Now Ernie loved a widow, a lady known as Sue,
She lived all alone in Liddley Lane at number 22.
They said she was too good for him, she was haughty, proud and chic,
But Ernie got his cocoa there three times every week.

They called him Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeeee)
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.

She said she'd like to bathe in milk, he said, "All right, sweetheart,"
And when he'd finished work one night he loaded up his cart.
He said, "D'you want it pasturize? 'Cause pasturize is best,"
She says, "Ernie, I'll be happy if it comes up to my chest."

That tickled old Ernie, (Ernieeeeeeeeeee)
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8e1xvyTdBZI

 

[drron]

Come to Tassie.They are still playing it here.

 

[Archipelago]

It's a mystery

 

[Archipelago]

and it never rains but it pours?

 

[Deleted member]

and it never rains but it pours?

View attachment 66039

Oh Dear. And we wonder why the senate voting system needs an overhaul.

 

[JohnK]

Oh Dear. And we wonder why the senate voting system needs an overhaul.

Perhaps a wind up ala NM style?

 

[Cruiser Elite]

Male Flow Chart - who said life was complicated?

 

[straitman]

A petrol station owner in Ireland was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'
Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.
If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close.
The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'

A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.

Paddy guessed 2. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3.
You were close, but no free sex this time.'

As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy,
'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really
give away free sex at all.'

Paddy replied, 'No it's genuine enough Mick.
My wife won twice last week.'

 

[whatmeworry]

Meanwhile in the NT.

 

[Foreigner]

By the time you read through this you will understand TANJOOBERRYMUTTS and then you will be ready to take on China! Believe me... you WILL understand!!! The following is a telephonic exchange between maybe you as a Hotel guest & room-service in China...

Room Service: Morrin. Roon sirbees.

Guest: Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.

Room Service: Rye , Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen?

Guest: Uh... Yes, I'd like to order bacon & eggs.

Room Service: Ow ulai den?

Guest: .....What??

Room Service: Ow ulai den?!?... Pryed, boyud, pochd?

Guest: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please.

Room Service: Ow ulai dee bayken? Creepse?

Guest: Crisp will be fine.

Room Service: Hokay. An sahn toes?

Guest: What?

Room Service: An toes. ulai sahn toes ?

Guest: I.... Don't think so...
Room Service: No? Udo wan sahn toes?

Guest: I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'udo wan sahn toes' means.

Room Service: Toes! Toes!... Why Uoo don wan toes?... Ow bow anglish moppin we botter?

Guest: Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine... Yes, an English muffin will be fine.

Room Service: We botter?

Guest: No, just put the botter on the side.

Room Service: Wad?!?

Guest: I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side.

Room Service: Copy?

Guest: Excuse me?

Room Service: Copy.. tea... meel?

Guest: Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything.

Room Service: One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken, Anglish moppin, we botter on sigh & copy... Rye ??

Guest: Whatever you say.

Room Service: Tanjooberrymutts.

Guest: You're welcome

Remember I did say By the time you read through this... ...YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TANJOOBERRYMUTTS'
And you do now, don't you!

 

[Foreigner]

A new mother goes upstairs to check on her napping infant. As she opens the door she see's her husband sitting in front of the crib. He hasn't noticed her yet so she slowly and quietly walks up to him.

The new father is just staring at the baby in the crib, not saying a word, deep in thought. The mother looks and sees expressions of bewilderment, disbelief, and absolute pure joy on her husband's face.

Dad finally notices his wife and says, "It's amazing, isn't it?"

Mother who, spent over 17 hours in labor without an epidural, says, "Yes dear, it's just incredible," as she wipes a tear of joy from her husband's face.

He looks directly into her eyes and says, "Who'da thought ya could buy a crib this good for fifty bucks!"