Back to the fight of Good versus Evil: today was complex.
After the Botanist's admittedly successful efforts to destroy local vineyards and Pisco production, I took him back out of the valley quietly, thinking that an apparently defeated posture was the correct tactical tool. But I was not in fact defeated, in the sense that although I lost the last battle, I knew I could still win this war!
The loss of the vineyards was a bitter pill for me to swallow. As I tossed and turned endlessly during the night, I fell back to a concept that was unique in that it could heal my conscience, even if not the grape fields. This concept was simple - REVENGE!!
I played, expertly, the part of the loser. The Botanist, clearly still reveling in his demise of my fields, had a small window of vulnerability that only a victor in the moment of glory has. So I hammerred this.
In my meekness, playing the now-dominated, I offerred an apparent desperate prize - the opportunity to eat the world's best "completo". This is the Chilean traditional hotdog thing. Being who I am, ever triply careful, I had already laid the foundations for this, talking it up in previous days. I even took the Botanist to mediocre places to sample lesser versions that would surely pique his interest. But now I was, in that apparent defeat, offerring the Holy Grail in that department.
Being the scum that he truly is, the Botanist fell on this concept like a hyena on KFC. His eyes became alive, he salivated, I knew he was hooked! So I took this opportunity to unleash, in a deliciously ironical way, my own biological attack.
A completo is a hot dog. But the way they do it here is a "fresh" toasted bun, a processed "meat" hot dog, with layers of avocado puree, diced tomatoes, home-made egg mayonnaise, and "mustard". Sounds delicious, and it can be. But there are simply endless opportunities for biological crime.
Despite my hatred for this evildoer, even I baulked at what i was about to do. But I did it. The pain of the deceased grape fields allowed me to justify the horror I would hopefully unleash.
I convinced him that I knew of a "special place", somewhere the hotdogs were truly magnificent, that they were the real authentic thing. I knew this would play to his ever present need for bragging rights about getting beyond the usual. I lengthily explained to him that in this era of modern living, to get true authentic cuisine you had to get out into the real "working-class community". Shady areas. He lapped all this up like a kitten with warm milk
He was hooked.
So I took him to a place that even in Chile is something not spoken about - it is the latest in a series of fast-food providers that are being constantly closed by the health authorities, due to the carnage their offerings bring. These are the places of horror stories. The bread is made with wheat so tainted it is unsaleable. The "hot dogs" are made with animals no human has ever desired. The avocado is actually a completely chemical green thing made from industrial chemical waste. The mustard is left-overs from other things that is simply yellow and burns. But to me, with deep knowledge of these things, it is the "mayo" that fills me with dread. It is made from "fresh eggs", but by God there is not a culture on earth that can breed such abberant micro-organisms as this thing. (Contemplating this, I even falter as I write this and think I have gone too far.... )
The following two photos catch my moment of glory (and also hideous self-judgement):