General Medical issues thread

[Seat0B]

I thought you were going to get a broker to find a home or did you sister kibosh that

I feel for you - it's an awful time

My sister kiboshed it - but we had a consultation anyway and she told us that there really are no vacancies in the whole south of Canberra at the moment. Maybe 1 in the north (over 1 hr from my place) but she said better to take respite and wait for someone to move out (the euphemism they all use for passing away). The Geriatrician thinks there might be a spot over the border in NSW and is looking into that. the GP attends at both the preferred places and confirmed that there are no vacancies there. We can’t even get respite care until 27 August.

 

[Seat0B]

Thank you everyone for support. I have been very teary today and feel quite low about it all. We also have to keep up a cheery facade for mum so she does not worry too much while she is in such a vulnerable state. I am still very angry with my sister, my daughter and my niece for forbidding me to out her name down just in case in April. After we came back from a month in Africa for the bid wedding, I really noticed her decline - and this was pre-stroke, but they all refused to see it.

 

[Quickstatus]

I continue to be surprised that there is not online up to date list of vacancies for aged care and respite

 

[Seat0B]

I continue to be surprised that there is not online up to date list of vacancies for aged care and respite

I agree. This would be seriously helpful, although I understand that it is very dynamic.

 

[Pushka]

I feel absolutely awful about this. Firstly we have to actually abandon her - wheel her in, check her in and then leave so there is no “social support.” And secondly, that an aged care need requires a hospital bed to be tied up so that someone with genuine medical needs (like she had with the stroke, and the sepsis) gets squeezed. Or more likely they get a bed and someone moderately ill gets squeezed.

You are not abandoning your mother. You are simply accepting you cannot give her the level of care she needs for safety (likely for both of you really, it's not like you haven't got your own challenges) and you are putting her into a safe place until she can receive permanent housing.

The situation in the public health system and the aged care system is simply not of your making.

 

[Seat0B]

You are not abandoning your mother. You are simply accepting you cannot give her the level of care she needs for safety (likely for both of you really, it's not like you haven't got your own challenges) and you are putting her into a safe place until she can receive permanent housing.

The situation in the public health system and the aged care system is simply not of your making.

Thank you @Pushka - I needed to hear that..

 

[ellen10]

Oh @Seat0B . Such a stressful and awful situation you and your family are dealing with. Especially as you had foreseen problems in the future and your suggestions were hounded down.

As Pushka said you are not abandoning your Mum but trying give her the best support you can in this vulnerable situation. But I can understand your grief and frustration, because you want the best for your beautiful Mum.

Look after yourself too, sending you big hugs.

 

[zig]

@Seat0B I'm so sorry for the predicament you find yourself in whilst endeavouring to provide care and support for your mother. The aged care system is truly broken.
I had been following your journey and seeing it as a portent for myself and my mother. I have been supporting her to remain in her own home for the last 5 years since my dad passed away.
I was having growing niggles of concern about how well she really was coping and was planning to have some discussions with her about 'future plans and options'.
Sadly though last week I found her deceased at home. The shock was overwhelming. Whilst I thought she needed more support at home, she really had been managing well and at 90 was doing better than expected and that we would have at least another couple of years together. It would appear that she has experienced a medical episode and the coroner may identify something.
Mum didn't want residential aged care, she didn't want to be ill and decline slowly (who does) she wanted to die in her own home. So it would seem that she got what she wanted.
It might sound awful, but as heartbroken as I am at losing her, in some ways it seems like her final gift to me was not having to navigate the residential aged care system.
I know you will continue to cherish your mum whilst you have her and make the most of your time together

 

[MARTINE]

@Seat0B I'm so sorry for the predicament you find yourself in whilst endeavouring to provide care and support for your mother. The aged care system is truly broken.
I had been following your journey and seeing it as a portent for myself and my mother. I have been supporting her to remain in her own home for the last 5 years since my dad passed away.
I was having growing niggles of concern about how well she really was coping and was planning to have some discussions with her about 'future plans and options'.
Sadly though last week I found her deceased at home. The shock was overwhelming. Whilst I thought she needed more support at home, she really had been managing well and at 90 was doing better than expected and that we would have at least another couple of years together. It would appear that she has experienced a medical episode and the coroner may identify something.
Mum didn't want residential aged care, she didn't want to be ill and decline slowly (who does) she wanted to die in her own home. So it would seem that she got what she wanted.
It might sound awful, but as heartbroken as I am at losing her, in some ways it seems like her final gift to me was not having to navigate the residential aged care system.
I know you will continue to cherish your mum whilst you have her and make the most of your time together

I am so sorry for your loss.
As you say awful though it may for you to find her passed away - to die rapidly and at home (as she wished) is some solace for you.
Memories sustain us

 

[Seat0B]

@Seat0B I'm so sorry for the predicament you find yourself in whilst endeavouring to provide care and support for your mother. The aged care system is truly broken.
I had been following your journey and seeing it as a portent for myself and my mother. I have been supporting her to remain in her own home for the last 5 years since my dad passed away.
I was having growing niggles of concern about how well she really was coping and was planning to have some discussions with her about 'future plans and options'.
Sadly though last week I found her deceased at home. The shock was overwhelming. Whilst I thought she needed more support at home, she really had been managing well and at 90 was doing better than expected and that we would have at least another couple of years together. It would appear that she has experienced a medical episode and the coroner may identify something.
Mum didn't want residential aged care, she didn't want to be ill and decline slowly (who does) she wanted to die in her own home. So it would seem that she got what she wanted.
It might sound awful, but as heartbroken as I am at losing her, in some ways it seems like her final gift to me was not having to navigate the residential aged care system.
I know you will continue to cherish your mum whilst you have her and make the most of your time together

Sending you my absolute heartfelt empathy @zig. What a difficult thing you have had to experience. But I tend to agree with you that it is not all bad to slip away on your own terms in your own home at 90 after a long and hopefully happy life. My very genuine condolences to you and your family.

 

[zig]

Sending you my absolute heartfelt empathy @zig. What a difficult thing you have had to experience. But I tend to agree with you that it is not all bad to slip away on your own terms in your own home at 90 after a long and hopefully happy life. My very genuine condolences to you and your family.

I’m swinging between gratitude that she did it her way and guilt that I wasn’t with her to hold her hand at the end.
Thank you for your condolences.
I sincerely hope for a swift and positive outcome for your mother.

 

[ellen10]

I am sorry for your loss. You helped support your Mum for the last 5 years to stay in her own home, which would have meant so much to her.
And to pass on her own terms, in her beloved home, is all that she would have wished for. So that will give you some comfort in the future, as now things are still sad and raw for you.
Sending you hugs.

 

[Pushka]

I’m swinging between gratitude that she did it her way and guilt that I wasn’t with her to hold her hand at the end.
Thank you for your condolences.
I sincerely hope for a swift and positive outcome for your mother.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

In reality its rare to be with family at the very time of passing. I left my mum after visiting her in her home, who'd had a stroke a few days earlier. She was with us when i left but she passed just a few minutes later. My SIL visited an hour later at the home and found her gone. I rather think she waited until I'd gone.

 

[Gladstone Tim]

@Seat0B I'm so sorry for the predicament you find yourself in whilst endeavouring to provide care and support for your mother. The aged care system is truly broken.
I had been following your journey and seeing it as a portent for myself and my mother. I have been supporting her to remain in her own home for the last 5 years since my dad passed away.
I was having growing niggles of concern about how well she really was coping and was planning to have some discussions with her about 'future plans and options'.
Sadly though last week I found her deceased at home. The shock was overwhelming. Whilst I thought she needed more support at home, she really had been managing well and at 90 was doing better than expected and that we would have at least another couple of years together. It would appear that she has experienced a medical episode and the coroner may identify something.
Mum didn't want residential aged care, she didn't want to be ill and decline slowly (who does) she wanted to die in her own home. So it would seem that she got what she wanted.
It might sound awful, but as heartbroken as I am at losing her, in some ways it seems like her final gift to me was not having to navigate the residential aged care system.
I know you will continue to cherish your mum whilst you have her and make the most of your time together

So sorry to hear of your loss but inspired by your positive, reflective and loving response @zig .May you continue to have peace of mind and heart at this time.

 

[drron]

I saw many people pass in hospital and very few had family with them at the time.
Though one extraordinary person was a lady in her 90s. She had a massive stroke and was unconscious. There was no indication for any treatment.
She had one son who was a missionary in the highlands of PNG. It took 19 days to find him and he to come to the hospital. He walked in the room and she sat up, looked at him and then died. No medical explanation.

 

[Quickstatus]

I had a strange experience when an intern
A cardiac arrest was called via our hospital pagers (yes a long time ago)
After the unsuccessful resuscitation, the ward nurse told us that the patient's family called them just prior to the arrest call to say their relative was not feeling well. This was in the middle of the night. Nurse went to check and found the patient unconscious.

Freaky....

 

[Pushka]

I saw many people pass in hospital and very few had family with them at the time.
Though one extraordinary person was a lady in her 90s. She had a massive stroke and was unconscious. There was no indication for any treatment.
She had one son who was a missionary in the highlands of PNG. It took 19 days to find him and he to come to the hospital. He walked in the room and she sat up, looked at him and then died. No medical explanation.

Yes. That was my experience with my MIL. She had terminal cancer. Her daughter lived in Perth and couldn’t get to Adelaide because of that Pilots Strike of 1989? No domestic flights for ages. I contacted Qantas in the middle of the night and explained. Had to get doctors letter etc. Qantas booked her on an International flight that was allowed to come to Adelaide. She left at 12 ish. Arrived about five. Walked in, her mum had been unconscious all day, she woke up, shed a tear. Then died.

Qantas excelled that night. I wrote a letter to thank the Qantas staff. Some time later I was at the Qantas office, she recognised the name and told me her letter had been noted by her managers and maybe coincidence received a promotion. Gosh. Almost 40 years that happened.

 

[tgh]

It has always been so..

“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

 

[Flyfrequently]

Thinking of you @zig
Although you have lost your dear Mum and it gives you a deep sense of loss, you did so much for her when it mattered most.
Take care