I am so sorry about your father dying so unexpectedly. You must be feeling dreadful. And to be on the verge of breaking up your relationship, you are going through some big changes, big stress triggers. And I think you are feeling a need to wear a hair shirt for a while, hence the plans to live on what is, to you, a small amount, travel Y and so on.
But I don't think that doing these things is necessarily going to achieve anything. I think you think you need to prove something to the close friends who have told you that you are out of touch but despite them being close, they are probably expressing an unconscious envy that you can have any lifestyle you choose.
Sadly of course you can't choose who you live that lifestyle with, necessarily, and so your are breaking up with the young, career-focused doctor. And good luck to him - he has, almost nobly in his own eyes I imagine, chosen to work on helping others directly rather than ride the coat tails of your wealth. But that doesn't make it easier for you to be alone.
But you seem to be a "good" person, despite being wealthy and supposedly out of touch. I don't think you need actually volunteer or live the life of people who have less than you, to be able to contribute to others. I work for a charity, I am the CFO and earn a good salary and my husband is CEO of that same charity and earns a reasonable salary, but we are hardly wealthy, just comfortable. But we are considered, I suspect, a bit spoiled and possibly arrogant by some people. We are childless so we have more disposable income, only have one car but it is an Audi, have a large renovated modern home, travel to NYC once a year in J (last year upgraded to F) and this year we are going to NYC for one month plus a short trip to HKG.
I am painting the picture of what the outside world sees of us and why they may consider us spoiled - a microcosm of what you have and what others perceive about you, but to continue the story what people don't know about us is that we give, each fortnight, a substantial amount back to the charity we work for, and that we have set up a trust so that when we are gone all of our estate will be put into the trust with the income going to support this charity, in perpetuity. We don't feel the need to explain this to anyone, let them think what they will. Also, I don't feel the need to get my hands dirty, supporting with money and by working at a lower than I could earn elsewhere salary is enough - and in my case it would be literally getting my hands dirty because i work for an animal welfare charity
And you say you give a lot to charity, and that you are setting up a foundation, so similarly you are giving back to the causes that are important to you. And you don't have to actually volunteer, charities need money to run these days with all the requirements to be properly managed and governed.
So don't let others judge you and don't feel judged. Be sure in your heart that you are a good person, living life in a way that makes you happy, causes no harm to others and even supports those less fortunate than most of us on AFF. Align your heart and your head, accept what you are and get on with living life. You say that you don't expect longevity so relax and enjoy what you have.
Best of luck with whatever path you pursue! Happiness is true wealth
