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A bit of humour

drron

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Joined
Jul 4, 2002
Messages
24,364
The Bee has the real story on covid.

KENTON, WA—A gunman was released from police custody on Thursday after it was determined by experts that the people he had shot were victims of COVID-19 and not his psychotic bloodlust-induced blind-firing rage-spree death-binge through downtown Kenton last week with three AR-15's, seventeen uzis, and one bazooka and zero clothes on. "Our apologies," said officers as they unlocked the man's cuffs and let him walk free, snickering and shaking like a lunatic with drool hanging from his chin.
Specialists from Washington's capitol quickly determined that the victims were clearly COVID-19 casualties. The local coroner attempted to push back citing the literal pegboard pattern of bullet holes littered about the scene and the bodies of the victims. He was promptly fired. "COVID-19 strikes again. Chalk it up," said COVID response agent Jonathan Smith.



U.S.—Many millennials haven't been taking coronavirus seriously, continuing to go out to crowded concerts, theme parks, and doorknob licking conventions.

But finally, many 20-40-year-olds are treating this crisis with the gravity it deserves as the ingredients to make avocado toast begin to dwindle at their local grocery stores. First, many of them went to their local cafes where they can spend $15 on a slice of the delicious toast. But the cafes were either shut down or completely out of bread and avocados and couldn't fill their orders.

So, they did the unthinkable and went to the grocery store to get the stuff to make avocado toast on their own.

"No bread... no avocados... I can't even! I have literally lost the ability to even! My evening capability is totally gone!" cried one Portland woman as she began to freak out at her local supermarket. "This! Is! Serious!"

 

Bundy Bear

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*Covid hits Europe*

European governments: Hey we need to lock down for a while and everyone wear masks.

European citizens: Ok good idea

American citizens: haha that'll never happen here silly Europeans

*Covid hits America*

American government: Hey we need to lock down for a while and everyone wear masks

American citizens: $&@“ you open everything I'm not wearing a mask I want a haircut

American government: Guys c'mon really...

American citizens: *points machine gun in governments face* Open everything now we need hamburgers

*Covid gets better in Europe*

European governments: hey guys good job you all did your part, we can start opening now just still wear a mask please

European citizens: Sweet thanks glad we could help

American government: Since y'all are mad we'll start reopening but please wear a mask

American citizens: $&@“ you I don't want to wear a mask the virus is fake anyway

*Covid gets worse in America*

American government: Guys seriously if you don't wear a mask we'll have to lock down again nobody wants to do that.

American citizens: $&@“ you I'm not wearing a mask! Freedom!!

European governments: Guys you did a great job feel free to travel and go hang out now enjoy your summer just bring your masks and be safe

European citizens: Yay summer! I'm gonna go visit my friends!

American citizens: They just want to control us and take our rights away man.

*Covid keeps getting worse in America*

American government: Guys c'mon we told you.....now we need to lock down again please please wear a mask please

American citizens: They just want to control us!! Masks are tyranny!!

European governments: We gotta quarantine America, don't invite them to your summer parties

European citizens: Yea good idea those people are crazy.

American citizens: FREEDOM!!!!

Sadly, it's pretty true.
and someone added the Asian version.
Asian governments (January): Ok, we have a few cases in China, maybe we should start wearing masks. This thing can kick off.
Asian people: OK!
The end. (Pretty much)
 

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