mrs.dr.ron
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A bit of humour
- Thread starter Maca44
- Start date
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Last lot for now:
Q. What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
A. If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.
Q. What is the Karate experts favourite beverage?
A. Kara-tea.
Q. What caused the airline to go bankrupt?
A. Runway inflation.
Q. What's a frog's favourite drink?
A. Croaka Cola.
Q. Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?
A. They're making headlines!
Q. What do you call a horse that likes arts and crafts?
A. hobby horse.
Q. What did one plate say to the other?
A. Lunch is on me.
Q. What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
A. If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.
Q. What is the Karate experts favourite beverage?
A. Kara-tea.
Q. What caused the airline to go bankrupt?
A. Runway inflation.
Q. What's a frog's favourite drink?
A. Croaka Cola.
Q. Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?
A. They're making headlines!
Q. What do you call a horse that likes arts and crafts?
A. hobby horse.
Q. What did one plate say to the other?
A. Lunch is on me.
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Since you asked so nicely RAM, how could I resist:
[video=youtube;J23h3VLUM6I]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J23h3VLUM6I[/video]
[video=youtube;J23h3VLUM6I]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J23h3VLUM6I[/video]
APAC747
Junior Member
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- Jul 31, 2017
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- 37
I preferred Sooty and Sweep.
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Just for you then APAC747:
[video=youtube;MqcinlOYIyc]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqcinlOYIyc[/video]
[video=youtube;MqcinlOYIyc]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqcinlOYIyc[/video]
APAC747
Junior Member
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- Jul 31, 2017
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YES!
Thanks to Wikipedia, I now know "The original puppeteer (Harry Corbett's brother, Leslie) achieved the sound of Sweep's voice using a saxophone reed."
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Sounds about right.
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Helicopters! A million loose parts in orbit around an oil leak waiting for metal fatigue to set in , but the most appropriate definition is : An assembly of bits & pieces trying desperately to flog each other to death !!!
Not sure if I posted this previously.
whatmeworry
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- Jan 22, 2007
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Meanwhile somewhere in Eastern Europe. This may be Svetlana from the spam thread.
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codash1099
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[FONT=&]The frequency of sexual activity of senior males depends on where they [/FONT][FONT=&]were born.[/FONT][FONT=&]
[/FONT][FONT=&]Statistics just released from The National Statistics Office and The[/FONT][FONT=&]
[/FONT][FONT=&]United Nations B.O.H. Team, revealed that: North American, Australian,[/FONT][FONT=&]
[/FONT][FONT=&]New Zealanders and British men between 60 and 80 years of age will[/FONT][FONT=&],[/FONT][FONT=&] on[/FONT][FONT=&]
[/FONT][FONT=&]average, have sex two to three times per week, (and a small number a[/FONT][FONT=&]
[/FONT][FONT=&]lot more),whereas Japanese men, in exactly the same age group, will[/FONT][FONT=&]
[/FONT][FONT=&]have sex only once or twice per year if they are lucky.[/FONT][FONT=&]
[/FONT][FONT=&]This has come as very upsetting news to a lot of us in the bar, as[/FONT][FONT=&]
[/FONT][FONT=&]none of us had any idea that we were Japanese.[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&]Statistics just released from The National Statistics Office and The[/FONT][FONT=&]
[/FONT][FONT=&]United Nations B.O.H. Team, revealed that: North American, Australian,[/FONT][FONT=&]
[/FONT][FONT=&]New Zealanders and British men between 60 and 80 years of age will[/FONT][FONT=&],[/FONT][FONT=&] on[/FONT][FONT=&]
[/FONT][FONT=&]average, have sex two to three times per week, (and a small number a[/FONT][FONT=&]
[/FONT][FONT=&]lot more),whereas Japanese men, in exactly the same age group, will[/FONT][FONT=&]
[/FONT][FONT=&]have sex only once or twice per year if they are lucky.[/FONT][FONT=&]
[/FONT][FONT=&]This has come as very upsetting news to a lot of us in the bar, as[/FONT][FONT=&]
[/FONT][FONT=&]none of us had any idea that we were Japanese.[/FONT]
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There was a little old lady who was very spiritual, who would step out on her porch every day, raise her arms to the sky and yell “Praise the Lord!”
One day, an atheist bought the house next door to her, and he became very irritated with the spiritual lady. So after a month or so of her yelling “Praise the Lord” from her porch, the neighbor went outside on his porch and yelled back, “There is no Lord!”
Yet, the little old lady continued. One cold, wintery day, when the little old lady couldn’t get to the store, she went out on her porch, raised her hands up to the sky and said, “Help me Lord, I have no more money, it’s cold, and I have no more food.”
The next morning, she went outside, and there were three bags of food on the porch, enough to last her a week.
“Praise the Lord! ” she yelled.
The atheist stepped out from the bushes and said, “Ha ha! There is no Lord, I bought those groceries!”
The little old lady raised her arms to the sky and said, “Praise the Lord, you sent me groceries and you made the Devil pay for them!”
One day, an atheist bought the house next door to her, and he became very irritated with the spiritual lady. So after a month or so of her yelling “Praise the Lord” from her porch, the neighbor went outside on his porch and yelled back, “There is no Lord!”
Yet, the little old lady continued. One cold, wintery day, when the little old lady couldn’t get to the store, she went out on her porch, raised her hands up to the sky and said, “Help me Lord, I have no more money, it’s cold, and I have no more food.”
The next morning, she went outside, and there were three bags of food on the porch, enough to last her a week.
“Praise the Lord! ” she yelled.
The atheist stepped out from the bushes and said, “Ha ha! There is no Lord, I bought those groceries!”
The little old lady raised her arms to the sky and said, “Praise the Lord, you sent me groceries and you made the Devil pay for them!”
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Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Darryl and Gary.
The three men had always done everything together!!!!!
Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Darryl said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over, and Darryl said, “Nope, ain’t Bubba.”
The mortician thought this was rather strange. Then he brought Gary in to identify the body.
Gary looked at the body and said, “Yup he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over and Gary said, “No, it ain’t Bubba.”
The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”
Gary said, “Well, Bubba had two assholes.”
“What? He had two assholes?” asked the mortician.
Yup, I’ve never seen ‘em, but everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, “Here comes Bubba with them two assholes!”
The three men had always done everything together!!!!!
Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Darryl said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over, and Darryl said, “Nope, ain’t Bubba.”
The mortician thought this was rather strange. Then he brought Gary in to identify the body.
Gary looked at the body and said, “Yup he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over and Gary said, “No, it ain’t Bubba.”
The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”
Gary said, “Well, Bubba had two assholes.”
“What? He had two assholes?” asked the mortician.
Yup, I’ve never seen ‘em, but everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, “Here comes Bubba with them two assholes!”
TheRealTMA
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20 hilarious postcards that reveal the great British holidaymaker in all their glory
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/galleries/postcards-of-the-past-our-favourites-twitter-gatwick/
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/galleries/postcards-of-the-past-our-favourites-twitter-gatwick/
Ikara
Active Member
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- Jun 18, 2006
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- 507
Dear oh dear, whenever will it stop?
The office of Independent Senator Jacqui Lambie was in crisis this afternoon, after the 46 year-old conceded she may hold dual citizenship with Tasmania. The constitution requires federal politicians to be citizens of Australia only.
Lambie said it only occurred to her that she may have an issue with her citizenship status after Barnaby Joyce was confirmed as a New Zealand citizen earlier today. Lambie admitted that while she has been to Australia many times, she spends the bulk of her time in Tasmania. The High Court will make a ruling on her status in due course.
Questions are now being asked about the 15 other Australian politicians born in Tasmania.
JB
The office of Independent Senator Jacqui Lambie was in crisis this afternoon, after the 46 year-old conceded she may hold dual citizenship with Tasmania. The constitution requires federal politicians to be citizens of Australia only.
Lambie said it only occurred to her that she may have an issue with her citizenship status after Barnaby Joyce was confirmed as a New Zealand citizen earlier today. Lambie admitted that while she has been to Australia many times, she spends the bulk of her time in Tasmania. The High Court will make a ruling on her status in due course.
Questions are now being asked about the 15 other Australian politicians born in Tasmania.
JB
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whatmeworry
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