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Some of you have had the pleasure of hearing/reading about some of my famous theories. Here is my latest theory as developed in preparation for the upcoming federal election:
NM's theory for solving Australia's budget deficit:
Almost everybody has a jar, a box, a drawer or some hidden hiding hole where they regularly empty their pocket, purse, wallet etc. of those pesky coins we all receive in change on a regular basis. In my case it’s a drawer that collects more and more "jingly bits". Some of those bits are actually useful and every now and then I will take out some of the gold discs and put them in my pocket since the one and two dollar coins have some value and won't fight too much with gravity and the belt holding my trousers in a modest fashion statement.
But then there are some items in the change drawer that really are useless. They are large and coughbersome, and the only thing they can purchase is a lollypop. Yes, those 50 cent pieces are the sitting there, breeding like you know what when the lights go off. They continue to grow in number and rarely are they extracted from the mix of other coins due to their physical bulk and almost worthless purchasing power (unless you need 25 lollypops in a hurry).
Based on my own extensive research, including a quick look through my family members’ change stashes, I estimate that on average each Australian over the minimum age for receiving pocket money (when our kids turned five they received 50 cents a week, growing 10 cents at each birthday), has at least twenty of these “pain in the pocket” monsters stashed away somewhere. This means there is in excess of $200,000,000 of our great Aussie Battler sitting idle and out of circulation. It’s not earning any interest. It’s actually devaluing at the rate of inflation (also known as the lollypop index). It’s not contributing to the greater Aussie economy in any way, shape or form.
So I propose we rebrand the not-so-humble 50c piece into something much more useful that will ensure its popularity and valuable contribution to our national financial recovery. The 50c coin should forthwith be known as the 95c coin, thus making it one of the most useful additions to our purse/wallet/pocket. Almost every item we purchase from a shop costs something and ninety-five centre. So having a 95c coin available means we can pay the correct amount easily, which has three significant benefits within the national interest:
1. It gets that idle $200,000,000 back into productive circulation.
2. It ensure greater efficiency at the point of sale/payment because no change is required to be calculated, collected, handed over, checked, and deposited back into the coin receptacle.
3. A instant 90% increase in the value of the stash of 50c coins, which previously has no realistic value (except for the occasional lollipop purchase for my 8 year old daughter).
So taking this second point, the national benefits are enormous. If each such $x.95 transaction can save just 3 seconds of time, the efficiencies add up very quickly. That is 3 seconds saved for the customer and 3 seconds for the shop staff. Plus it’s a coughulative 3 seconds for each person in the check-out queue. If we all make just one such transaction per week (I know I often make a lot more than one), and the average check-out queue depth is 3 people, that is a gross saving of 12 seconds per person per week, or 66,667 hours per week, or 2,778 days per week, or almost 400 weeks per week. So each week we can increase national productivity by 400 weeks! At the very conservative estimate of just $10/hour productivity cost, that is a gross national saving of almost $35,000,000 per year.
NM's theory for solving Australia's budget deficit:
Almost everybody has a jar, a box, a drawer or some hidden hiding hole where they regularly empty their pocket, purse, wallet etc. of those pesky coins we all receive in change on a regular basis. In my case it’s a drawer that collects more and more "jingly bits". Some of those bits are actually useful and every now and then I will take out some of the gold discs and put them in my pocket since the one and two dollar coins have some value and won't fight too much with gravity and the belt holding my trousers in a modest fashion statement.
But then there are some items in the change drawer that really are useless. They are large and coughbersome, and the only thing they can purchase is a lollypop. Yes, those 50 cent pieces are the sitting there, breeding like you know what when the lights go off. They continue to grow in number and rarely are they extracted from the mix of other coins due to their physical bulk and almost worthless purchasing power (unless you need 25 lollypops in a hurry).
Based on my own extensive research, including a quick look through my family members’ change stashes, I estimate that on average each Australian over the minimum age for receiving pocket money (when our kids turned five they received 50 cents a week, growing 10 cents at each birthday), has at least twenty of these “pain in the pocket” monsters stashed away somewhere. This means there is in excess of $200,000,000 of our great Aussie Battler sitting idle and out of circulation. It’s not earning any interest. It’s actually devaluing at the rate of inflation (also known as the lollypop index). It’s not contributing to the greater Aussie economy in any way, shape or form.
So I propose we rebrand the not-so-humble 50c piece into something much more useful that will ensure its popularity and valuable contribution to our national financial recovery. The 50c coin should forthwith be known as the 95c coin, thus making it one of the most useful additions to our purse/wallet/pocket. Almost every item we purchase from a shop costs something and ninety-five centre. So having a 95c coin available means we can pay the correct amount easily, which has three significant benefits within the national interest:
1. It gets that idle $200,000,000 back into productive circulation.
2. It ensure greater efficiency at the point of sale/payment because no change is required to be calculated, collected, handed over, checked, and deposited back into the coin receptacle.
3. A instant 90% increase in the value of the stash of 50c coins, which previously has no realistic value (except for the occasional lollipop purchase for my 8 year old daughter).
So taking this second point, the national benefits are enormous. If each such $x.95 transaction can save just 3 seconds of time, the efficiencies add up very quickly. That is 3 seconds saved for the customer and 3 seconds for the shop staff. Plus it’s a coughulative 3 seconds for each person in the check-out queue. If we all make just one such transaction per week (I know I often make a lot more than one), and the average check-out queue depth is 3 people, that is a gross saving of 12 seconds per person per week, or 66,667 hours per week, or 2,778 days per week, or almost 400 weeks per week. So each week we can increase national productivity by 400 weeks! At the very conservative estimate of just $10/hour productivity cost, that is a gross national saving of almost $35,000,000 per year.
