A bit of humour

[Foreigner]

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[anat0l]

And oldie but a classic; some things you can't help giggle or laugh at even if you've heard them all before.

This clip courtesy of the movie, The Dish (yep, and half of you just went, "Oooooooooh...that clip...")

[video=youtube;sigF0io-jKs]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sigF0io-jKs[/video]

 

[Foreigner]

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[Flashback]

View attachment 9154

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That looks a lot like the 2 African countries I've been too, where playtime for kids such as that is reality. Not sure I'd consider this humour...

 

[The Rok]

That looks a lot like the 2 African countries I've been too, where playtime for kids such as that is reality. Not sure I'd consider this humour...

Where else would you put it, we don't have a sports section?

 

[Flashback]

Where else would you put it, we don't have a sports section?

I just don't really consider making fun of poverty humour.

 

[serfty]

I just don't really consider making fun of poverty humour.

I see such more as a compliment in that it highlights the inventiveness of people.



Posted on a wing and a prayer ...

 

[Deleted member]

I see such more as a compliment in that it highlights the inventiveness of people.



Posted on a wing and a prayer ...

Exactly what I was about to say


It is I, Leclerc !

 

[Cruiser Elite]

Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, 'I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.'

The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think Librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like Construction Workers... Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.'

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts - the mouth and the coughhole - and they are interchangeable'

 

[Cruiser Elite]

An elderly man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical. After a while, the doctor comes out and says, "I'm sorry Bill, but we have discovered you have a condition which only allows you another 6 weeks to live."
"But Doctor," Bill replied, "I feel great. I haven't felt better in years. This just can't be true. Isn't there anything I can do?"
After a moment the doctor said, "Well, you might start going down the street to that new health spa and take a mud bath every day."
Excitedly Bill asked, "And that will cure me?"
"No," replied the doctor, "but it will get you used to the dirt."

 

[Ikara]

An elderly man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical. After a while, the doctor comes out and says, "I'm sorry Bill, but we have discovered you have a condition which only allows you another 6 weeks to live."
"But Doctor," Bill replied, "I feel great. I haven't felt better in years. This just can't be true. Isn't there anything I can do?"
After a moment the doctor said, "Well, you might start going down the street to that new health spa and take a mud bath every day."
Excitedly Bill asked, "And that will cure me?"
"No," replied the doctor, "but it will get you used to the dirt."

Nope! I've read it five times and still don't get it. Using those famous words - "Please explain?"

JB

 

[Flashback]

Nope! I've read it five times and still don't get it. Using those famous words - "Please explain?"

JB

Because he'll be 6 foot under soon.....

 

[The Rok]

Dirt, buried, dead, in a coffin

 

[Ikara]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh I see it now. Yes, that's funny - I think!
JB

 

[anat0l]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh I see it now. Yes, that's funny - I think!
JB

Perhaps a similar joke will illustrate the point further:


A wealthy businessman goes to the doctor for a physical. After doing some tests, the doctor sighs and tells the businessman, "I'm so sorry, but these tests reveal that you've got a rare cancer which means you've only got 6 months to live."

"Isn't there anything I can do about it?" asks the businessman.

"Well," replies the doctor, "you can start by quitting your job. Sell your house and go move into an old barn house in the sticks. Sell your Mercedes and trade it in for a rusty ute. Cash in your super, and any money you have left over, donate that to charity."

"Will I be cured after that?" asks the businessman.

"No," replies the doctor, "but the six months will seem a lot longer."



Whilst we're on death jokes, why don't we continue in the same vein....


A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him."

"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly."

"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied.




And another one...


A man visits the doctor for a physical. After a few tests, the doctor comes out and says, "I'm sorry, but you have a rare disease which means you will die within 48 hours. The disease is so rare, it doesn't even have a name. We call it 'D24'".

The man leaves the doctor's practice depressed, so he decides to head over to the pub for a few last drinks. After a couple of stiff ones, he notices two dollar coins on the ground and the slot machines nearby. Shrugging, he picks them up and puts one into a machine. He pushes the button, and he rings up the jackpot. He takes the other coin and puts it into another machine, hits the button and he hits another jackpot!

A staff member appears. "My goodness, mate, two jackpots - you must be really lucky!"

"I'm not," the man says sadly, "I've got D24."

"D24?!" the staff member exclaims, "goodness mate, you are lucky! You've won the chook raffle!"

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

 

[YQY]

One for Neil....


There is a glorious urban myth told about Neil Armstrong. As he climbs on his Apollo 11 spaceship to return to Earth, he mutters the following, strange words: 'This one's for you, Jablonski.'
The message is taped and stored by Nasa. Years later a baffled space historian tries to make sense of it - and fails. So he contacts Armstrong. 'Ah,' says the first man on the Moon. 'It's simple, really. I grew up in Ohio. Mr Jablonski lived next door, and one night I heard his wife shout: "Oral sex! You want oral sex! You'll get oral sex on the day that the kid next door walks on the Moon." I just wanted to tell him the good news.'

 

[Foreigner]

'"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?'


- George Carlin

 

[Major]

For the Doc's of AFF

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery
and he insisted that his son or daughter, renowned surgeons,
perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia,
he asked to speak to his son or daughter.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, or worry; do your best,
and just remember, if it doesn't go well,
if something happens to me,
your mother is going to come and live with you ...."