A bit of humour
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prozac
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Footbath ...
Happy Dude
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Parisian dog muck shoe cleaning basin
TheRealTMA
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After the Falklands War the British government was looking to replace their Lee-Enfield derived sniper rifles with something more modern. Meanwhile, Dave Walls and David Caig were making competition rifles for the competition shooter Malcolm Cooper in their shed when they decided to enter their rifle into the MOD's Marksman Rifle Competition as a means of getting feedback from professionals. They were very surprised to learn that they had won the contract due to their modern chassis design which allows for parts to be swapped out easily without destroying the rifle's bedding; a feature necessary for accuracy.
When the MOD officers asked to look at their facilities, they decided to rent out a production facility for a day, staged some rifles in disassembly, and told the officers that the employees were out for lunch. When the three gentlemen and procurement officers went out to lunch themselves, the officers remarked in essence: "This was really just a formality. We just wanted to make sure that you weren't three guys in a shed."
When the MOD officers asked to look at their facilities, they decided to rent out a production facility for a day, staged some rifles in disassembly, and told the officers that the employees were out for lunch. When the three gentlemen and procurement officers went out to lunch themselves, the officers remarked in essence: "This was really just a formality. We just wanted to make sure that you weren't three guys in a shed."
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Lambs fry…suitable for re-soling shoes.
SYD
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As a child, it was cremated like only an Aussie mum of the ‘70s could do!
If we were lucky it came with a bacon and onion gravy (sometimes mushroom sauce) but often just these slabs of chewy black leather - that no manner of tomato sauce could improve!
I’ve actually been meaning to try and cook it properly ie still quite pink but then again, a steak or a duck breast is easier and nicer.
love_the_life
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I remember my mother used to pass off lambs fry as steak to my younger sister!As a child, it was cremated like only an Aussie mum of the ‘70s could do!
If we were lucky it came with a bacon and onion gravy (sometimes mushroom sauce) but often just these slabs of chewy black leather - that no manner of tomato sauce could improve!
I’ve actually been meaning to try and cook it properly ie still quite pink but then again, a steak or a duck breast is easier and nicer.
anat0l
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Somebody tried to AirDrop a picture of a cat wearing a pilot hat to half the plane.
And for ten minutes, “Captain Muffin” was the most important passenger on our flight.
This happened on a JetBlue flight from JFK to Tampa, and I need to say this flight already had strange energy before the cat appeared.
It was a Friday evening.
Full flight.
Everyone was tired.
The overhead bins were full by group three because apparently every person on Earth now travels with a roller bag, a backpack, a tote, a jacket, a water bottle, and emotional damage.
I was in 14D.
Aisle seat.
Across from me was a woman eating trail mix one almond at a time like she was pacing herself for survival.
In 14E was a guy watching something on his iPad with subtitles.
In 14F was a man asleep before pushback, which I respect but do not understand.
We’re still at the gate.
People are settling in.
A flight attendant is helping someone shove a duffel bag into the overhead bin with the quiet intensity of a person who has done this too many times.
Then my phone buzzes.
AirDrop.
A picture pops up.
A gray cat.
Wearing a tiny pilot hat.
The file name:
CAPTAIN_MUFFIN_READY_FOR_TAKEOFF
I stare at it.
I do not accept it.
I do not decline it.
I just stare.
Because when a cat in aviation costume appears on your phone before takeoff, you need a second.
Then the woman across the aisle gasps.
Trail mix woman: “Did you get the cat?”
Me: “You got it too?”
Trail mix woman: “He has a hat.”
iPad guy: “I got it.”
Me: “You did?”
iPad guy: “Captain Muffin?”
Trail mix woman: “That’s his name?”
Now the guy behind me leans forward.
Behind guy: “Who is sending a cat?”
Me: “Unknown.”
Behind guy: “Is it cute?”
Trail mix woman: “Very professional.”
Another phone buzzes.
Then another.
Then someone in row 16 says, “Why is there a cat pilot?”
That’s when I realized it was spreading.
AirDrop chaos.
A tiny gray cat with a fake pilot hat had entered the cabin and nobody knew from where.
The flight attendant walks by.
Flight attendant: “Folks, please make sure your larger bags are all the way under—”
Row 16 woman: “Are you seeing the cat?”
Flight attendant: “I’m sorry?”
Me: “Someone is AirDropping Captain Muffin.”
Flight attendant: “Captain who?”
Trail mix woman holds up her phone.
The flight attendant looks at it.
She pauses.
Flight attendant: “That is a very confident cat.”
Correct.
The plane is still boarding, so now people in the aisle are stopping to look at phones.
A man holding a neck pillow says, “I didn’t get it.”
He sounds hurt.
Another passenger says, “Turn your AirDrop on.”
This is where society started to collapse.
Me: “Please don’t encourage this.”
iPad guy: “Too late.”
Behind guy: “I want the cat.”
Then a second AirDrop appears.
Same cat.
Different pose.
This time the cat is sitting next to a tiny toy airplane.
File name:
CAPTAIN_MUFFIN_CHECKING_THE_WEATHER
Trail mix woman: “Oh my God, there’s a sequel.”
iPad guy: “The lore is expanding.”
Behind guy: “Send it to me.”
Me: “We don’t know who has it.”
Behind guy: “Somebody has the cat.”
A flight attendant near the front gets on the speaker.
Flight attendant: “Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats as quickly as possible so we can close the boarding door.”
Pause.
Then from somewhere around row 20:
“Captain Muffin says hurry up!”
The back half of the plane loses it.
The front half has no idea what’s happening, which somehow makes it funnier.
The first flight attendant comes back down the aisle.
Flight attendant: “Okay, who is Captain Muffin?”
Silence.
Nobody confesses.
She looks around.
Flight attendant: “This is not a disciplinary question. I just need to know if the cat is traveling with us.”
A man in row 18 slowly raises his hand.
He is maybe mid-thirties, red hoodie, embarrassed in a way only technology can make you.
Red hoodie man: “It’s my cat.”
Flight attendant: “Is the cat on the plane?”
Red hoodie man: “No.”
Flight attendant: “Okay. Good.”
Red hoodie man: “I was trying to send it to my wife.”
Me: “Did your wife get it?”
Red hoodie man: “No.”
Trail mix woman: “But we did.”
Behind guy: “I still didn’t.”
Red hoodie man looks like he wants to disappear into the seat pocket.
Red hoodie man: “My AirDrop is set to everyone.”
iPad guy: “We noticed.”
Flight attendant: “Sir, please change that.”
Red hoodie man: “I am trying.”
Behind guy: “Before you do, can you send me the weather one?”
The flight attendant turns toward him.
Flight attendant: “Sir.”
Behind guy: “Sorry.”
But he was not sorry.
None of us were.
The red hoodie man finally fixes his settings.
Or so we think.
We push back from the gate.
The safety demo starts.
The cabin quiets down.
Then another AirDrop appears.
This time:
CAPTAIN_MUFFIN_FASTENED_IN
The photo is the same cat wearing the pilot hat, sitting in what appears to be a laundry basket with a belt across it.
The entire row starts shaking.
Trail mix woman whispers, “He’s buckled.”
iPad guy: “Safety first.”
Me: “How many of these are there?”
Red hoodie man from row 18, loudly whispering: “I’m sorry.”
The flight attendant is standing in the aisle holding the demo seatbelt.
She looks directly at row 18.
Flight attendant: “Captain Muffin seems to understand the instructions.”
People laugh.
Even the serious guy across the aisle laughs.
We taxi.
The plane stops.
Then starts.
Then stops again.
Normal JFK nonsense.
The captain comes on.
Captain: “Folks, we’re number seven for departure.”
Someone behind me says, “Ask Captain Muffin if that’s accurate.”
The flight attendant, without missing a beat, says over the speaker:
“Captain Muffin has no operational authority over this aircraft.”
That was it.
The plane was gone.
Full laughter.
Not polite laughter.
Real laughter.
The kind of laughter that only happens when two hundred exhausted strangers all agree something is stupid enough to enjoy.
Red hoodie man put his hood over his face.
Trail mix woman turned around and yelled, “Don’t be ashamed. Your cat brought this flight together.”
The flight attendant pointed at her.
Flight attendant: “Seat forward, please.”
Eventually we take off.
The flight is fine.
Normal.
Drinks.
Snacks.
Someone sneezes too loud.
A baby makes one warning noise and then thankfully changes its mind.
But Captain Muffin remains part of the flight.
When drinks come around, the flight attendant asks row 18:
Flight attendant: “And what would Captain Muffin like?”
Red hoodie man: “Probably tap water and attention.”
Flight attendant: “Typical.”
Behind guy finally gets the picture because trail mix woman texts it to him after they somehow become friends over cat aviation.
Behind guy: “Worth the wait.”
Me: “You’re happy now?”
Behind guy: “I feel included.”
About thirty minutes before landing, the captain announces we’re starting our descent into Tampa.
The flight attendant comes on after him.
Flight attendant: “Please make sure your seatbelts are fastened, tray tables are up, and all personal items are stowed. This includes any unauthorized feline crew members.”
Red hoodie man just puts both hands over his face.
Trail mix woman claps once.
iPad guy says, “Captain Muffin has been grounded.”
When we land, everyone stands up immediately because apparently the moment wheels touch pavement, humans forget how aisles work.
As we wait to deplane, people start saying goodbye to row 18.
“Safe travels, Captain Muffin.”
“Tell the cat good job.”
“Five stars for Muffin.”
“Better than Spirit.”
Red hoodie man finally laughs.
Red hoodie man: “I’m never using AirDrop again.”
Me: “You say that now.”
Trail mix woman: “The people need Captain Muffin.”
Behind guy: “I’d follow his page.”
As I walked off the plane, the flight attendant stood by the door saying goodbye.
When red hoodie man passed, she smiled and said, “Thank you for flying with JetBlue. Please inform Captain Muffin he is not cleared for takeoff without proper paperwork.”
He said, “I’ll let him know.”
And honestly?
It was ridiculous.
Completely pointless.
One accidental AirDrop. One cat in a pilot hat. One full plane of adults who temporarily lost their minds.
But after a long Friday night at JFK, that stupid cat did more for cabin morale than any complimentary snack ever could.
And for ten minutes, “Captain Muffin” was the most important passenger on our flight.
This happened on a JetBlue flight from JFK to Tampa, and I need to say this flight already had strange energy before the cat appeared.
It was a Friday evening.
Full flight.
Everyone was tired.
The overhead bins were full by group three because apparently every person on Earth now travels with a roller bag, a backpack, a tote, a jacket, a water bottle, and emotional damage.
I was in 14D.
Aisle seat.
Across from me was a woman eating trail mix one almond at a time like she was pacing herself for survival.
In 14E was a guy watching something on his iPad with subtitles.
In 14F was a man asleep before pushback, which I respect but do not understand.
We’re still at the gate.
People are settling in.
A flight attendant is helping someone shove a duffel bag into the overhead bin with the quiet intensity of a person who has done this too many times.
Then my phone buzzes.
AirDrop.
A picture pops up.
A gray cat.
Wearing a tiny pilot hat.
The file name:
CAPTAIN_MUFFIN_READY_FOR_TAKEOFF
I stare at it.
I do not accept it.
I do not decline it.
I just stare.
Because when a cat in aviation costume appears on your phone before takeoff, you need a second.
Then the woman across the aisle gasps.
Trail mix woman: “Did you get the cat?”
Me: “You got it too?”
Trail mix woman: “He has a hat.”
iPad guy: “I got it.”
Me: “You did?”
iPad guy: “Captain Muffin?”
Trail mix woman: “That’s his name?”
Now the guy behind me leans forward.
Behind guy: “Who is sending a cat?”
Me: “Unknown.”
Behind guy: “Is it cute?”
Trail mix woman: “Very professional.”
Another phone buzzes.
Then another.
Then someone in row 16 says, “Why is there a cat pilot?”
That’s when I realized it was spreading.
AirDrop chaos.
A tiny gray cat with a fake pilot hat had entered the cabin and nobody knew from where.
The flight attendant walks by.
Flight attendant: “Folks, please make sure your larger bags are all the way under—”
Row 16 woman: “Are you seeing the cat?”
Flight attendant: “I’m sorry?”
Me: “Someone is AirDropping Captain Muffin.”
Flight attendant: “Captain who?”
Trail mix woman holds up her phone.
The flight attendant looks at it.
She pauses.
Flight attendant: “That is a very confident cat.”
Correct.
The plane is still boarding, so now people in the aisle are stopping to look at phones.
A man holding a neck pillow says, “I didn’t get it.”
He sounds hurt.
Another passenger says, “Turn your AirDrop on.”
This is where society started to collapse.
Me: “Please don’t encourage this.”
iPad guy: “Too late.”
Behind guy: “I want the cat.”
Then a second AirDrop appears.
Same cat.
Different pose.
This time the cat is sitting next to a tiny toy airplane.
File name:
CAPTAIN_MUFFIN_CHECKING_THE_WEATHER
Trail mix woman: “Oh my God, there’s a sequel.”
iPad guy: “The lore is expanding.”
Behind guy: “Send it to me.”
Me: “We don’t know who has it.”
Behind guy: “Somebody has the cat.”
A flight attendant near the front gets on the speaker.
Flight attendant: “Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats as quickly as possible so we can close the boarding door.”
Pause.
Then from somewhere around row 20:
“Captain Muffin says hurry up!”
The back half of the plane loses it.
The front half has no idea what’s happening, which somehow makes it funnier.
The first flight attendant comes back down the aisle.
Flight attendant: “Okay, who is Captain Muffin?”
Silence.
Nobody confesses.
She looks around.
Flight attendant: “This is not a disciplinary question. I just need to know if the cat is traveling with us.”
A man in row 18 slowly raises his hand.
He is maybe mid-thirties, red hoodie, embarrassed in a way only technology can make you.
Red hoodie man: “It’s my cat.”
Flight attendant: “Is the cat on the plane?”
Red hoodie man: “No.”
Flight attendant: “Okay. Good.”
Red hoodie man: “I was trying to send it to my wife.”
Me: “Did your wife get it?”
Red hoodie man: “No.”
Trail mix woman: “But we did.”
Behind guy: “I still didn’t.”
Red hoodie man looks like he wants to disappear into the seat pocket.
Red hoodie man: “My AirDrop is set to everyone.”
iPad guy: “We noticed.”
Flight attendant: “Sir, please change that.”
Red hoodie man: “I am trying.”
Behind guy: “Before you do, can you send me the weather one?”
The flight attendant turns toward him.
Flight attendant: “Sir.”
Behind guy: “Sorry.”
But he was not sorry.
None of us were.
The red hoodie man finally fixes his settings.
Or so we think.
We push back from the gate.
The safety demo starts.
The cabin quiets down.
Then another AirDrop appears.
This time:
CAPTAIN_MUFFIN_FASTENED_IN
The photo is the same cat wearing the pilot hat, sitting in what appears to be a laundry basket with a belt across it.
The entire row starts shaking.
Trail mix woman whispers, “He’s buckled.”
iPad guy: “Safety first.”
Me: “How many of these are there?”
Red hoodie man from row 18, loudly whispering: “I’m sorry.”
The flight attendant is standing in the aisle holding the demo seatbelt.
She looks directly at row 18.
Flight attendant: “Captain Muffin seems to understand the instructions.”
People laugh.
Even the serious guy across the aisle laughs.
We taxi.
The plane stops.
Then starts.
Then stops again.
Normal JFK nonsense.
The captain comes on.
Captain: “Folks, we’re number seven for departure.”
Someone behind me says, “Ask Captain Muffin if that’s accurate.”
The flight attendant, without missing a beat, says over the speaker:
“Captain Muffin has no operational authority over this aircraft.”
That was it.
The plane was gone.
Full laughter.
Not polite laughter.
Real laughter.
The kind of laughter that only happens when two hundred exhausted strangers all agree something is stupid enough to enjoy.
Red hoodie man put his hood over his face.
Trail mix woman turned around and yelled, “Don’t be ashamed. Your cat brought this flight together.”
The flight attendant pointed at her.
Flight attendant: “Seat forward, please.”
Eventually we take off.
The flight is fine.
Normal.
Drinks.
Snacks.
Someone sneezes too loud.
A baby makes one warning noise and then thankfully changes its mind.
But Captain Muffin remains part of the flight.
When drinks come around, the flight attendant asks row 18:
Flight attendant: “And what would Captain Muffin like?”
Red hoodie man: “Probably tap water and attention.”
Flight attendant: “Typical.”
Behind guy finally gets the picture because trail mix woman texts it to him after they somehow become friends over cat aviation.
Behind guy: “Worth the wait.”
Me: “You’re happy now?”
Behind guy: “I feel included.”
About thirty minutes before landing, the captain announces we’re starting our descent into Tampa.
The flight attendant comes on after him.
Flight attendant: “Please make sure your seatbelts are fastened, tray tables are up, and all personal items are stowed. This includes any unauthorized feline crew members.”
Red hoodie man just puts both hands over his face.
Trail mix woman claps once.
iPad guy says, “Captain Muffin has been grounded.”
When we land, everyone stands up immediately because apparently the moment wheels touch pavement, humans forget how aisles work.
As we wait to deplane, people start saying goodbye to row 18.
“Safe travels, Captain Muffin.”
“Tell the cat good job.”
“Five stars for Muffin.”
“Better than Spirit.”
Red hoodie man finally laughs.
Red hoodie man: “I’m never using AirDrop again.”
Me: “You say that now.”
Trail mix woman: “The people need Captain Muffin.”
Behind guy: “I’d follow his page.”
As I walked off the plane, the flight attendant stood by the door saying goodbye.
When red hoodie man passed, she smiled and said, “Thank you for flying with JetBlue. Please inform Captain Muffin he is not cleared for takeoff without proper paperwork.”
He said, “I’ll let him know.”
And honestly?
It was ridiculous.
Completely pointless.
One accidental AirDrop. One cat in a pilot hat. One full plane of adults who temporarily lost their minds.
But after a long Friday night at JFK, that stupid cat did more for cabin morale than any complimentary snack ever could.
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