A bit of humour

[amaroo]

I was thinking more in terms of equipment, since the West loves to make jokes about Russian military hardware. Though how much they pay troops is probably a factor too (and in Russia, you probably wouldn't have much say in the regard, except you aren't living in poverty!)

I suppose - for historical accuracy - they have mentioned Putin coming from Leningrad rather than St Petersburg.

In a match up, I'd probably put my two bits on Putin.

Depends on the challenges - Swim, Run, Bike ... Putin would have trouble controlling his man coughs

 

[whatmeworry]

Interesting that our budget is a ⅓ of theirs but our military less than 1/10th... I guess our 57,000 soldiers must get paid heaps more!

I was thinking more in terms of equipment, since the West loves to make jokes about Russian military hardware. Though how much they pay troops is probably a factor too (and in Russia, you probably wouldn't have much say in the regard, except you aren't living in poverty!)

I suppose - for historical accuracy - they have mentioned Putin coming from Leningrad rather than St Petersburg.

In a match up, I'd probably put my two bits on Putin.

Russians don't particularly help out in many foreign wars or peacekeeping missions. Plus I would imagine the state subsidises the military forces in other ways, free fuel, free land.
My parents documents still mention the former names of where they were born.

 

[The Rok]

Ease up fellas, this is the humour thread, and it was a humorous observation.

 

[anat0l]

Ease up fellas, this is the humour thread, and it was a humorous observation.

Depends on your frame of reference. After all, both countries have freedom of speech, but only one guarantees freedom after the speech.

 

[Bundy Bear]

Something to start the week.

 

[JohnK]

Did you hear about the human cannonball? First day on the job, he was fired.

 

[codash1099]

Did you hear about the human cannonball? First day on the job, he was fired.

Groan! A weak boom-tish.

 

[RAM]

Interesting that our budget is a ⅓ of theirs but our military less than 1/10th... I guess our 57,000 soldiers must get paid heaps more!

Yes the figures are a true joke!

The Russian figures are the 'official' figures (if accurately sourced) I suspect. A few years back I heard of a lucrative earner for the senior military in Russia. They ordered petrol at a price of roughly USD0.05/litre and export it to Western Europe by the ship load. The price they pay from the State is artificially lowered as are many other of their costs. The black market for surplus weapons received much coverage from UN reports as well (the James Bond films have a little more substance to their plots than you may think).

Their army is mechanised heavy compared to western armies and their tanks are very thirsty.

Their planes are much cheaper to operate but much harder to fly - more brute force especially for the land attack fixed and rotary craft.

All in all the numbers do not match reality although certain military units are poorly paid and widely supplement their incomes on the black market - the cost of the machinery is still huge. Just look at how much the 6 Collins Class subs cost Aust to operate and then multiply it by 10+ to get an idea of the aging Russian sub fleet.

 

[Maca44]

Upsetting News from Australia;

On average an Australian man will have sex two to three times a week.
Whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year.
This is upsetting news to me, as I had no idea I was Japanese!

 

[Hvr]

Did you hear about the human cannonball? First day on the job, he was fired.

Obviously he wasn't the right calibre for the job.

 

[Cruiser Elite]

SAFE AT HOME AT LAST

I've torn out my alarm system & de-registered from Neighbourhood Watch.

I've got two Pakistani flags raised in my front garden, one at each corner and the black flag of ISIS in the centre.

The local police, ASIO, ASIS and the other intelligence services are all watching my house 24/7.

I've never felt safer.

 

[anat0l]

..........

 

[Major]

[FONT=&amp]A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson,
[/FONT][FONT=&amp]"You are spectacular; your name is synonymous with the game of golf.[/FONT][FONT=&amp]You really know your way around the course.[/FONT][FONT=&amp]What's your secret?"
[/FONT][FONT=&amp]Mickelson replied,
[/FONT][FONT=&amp]"The holes are numbered."[/FONT]

 

[kelvedon]

Canadian Chivalry

Canadians have a love for their guns and the wilderness. Here's an tale epitomizing both:

"My personal favorite defense gun has always been a Beretta . 22 . I have carried it for many years including while hiking.I never leave without it in my pocket.
Of course the first rule when hiking in the wilderness is to use the "Buddy System". This means you NEVER hike alone, you bring a friend, companion or even family because if something happens there is someone to go get help.

I remember one time while hiking with my girlfriend in northern Alberta, out of nowhere came this huge brown bear charging us and was she mad. We must have been near one of her cubs. Anyway, if I had not had my little Beretta I would not be here today. Just one shot to my girlfriend's knee cap and I was able to escape by just walking at a brisk pace. That's one of the best pistols in my collection..."

 

[anat0l]

I went to the doctor the other day, and after my usual check-up he said, "I think you are fat."

I told him I wanted to get a second opinion.

"Fine," he said, "You're also ugly."

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

 

[Major]

The Irish Pub

“As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals.
When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in Cork at my favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like.
Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of these claims. The Irishman swore every word was true, but they asked, "Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times.

 

[rogerkambah]

In church today I heard an elderly lady in the pew next to me saying
a prayer. It was so innocent and sincere that I had to share it with
you:

"Dear Lord: The past year has been very sad for me. You have taken ...
My favourite actor - James Garner;
My favourite actress - Lauren Bacall;...
My favourite comedian - Robin Williams;
And finally, my favourite author -Tom Clancy.
I just wanted you to know that my favourite politicians are -
Bill Shorten, Christine Milne, Sarah Hanson-Young and Clive Palmer.
Amen!"

 

[Major]

A doctor addressing a large audience in Oxford:

"The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting
here, years ago. Red meat is full of steroi_s and dye. Soft drinks corrode
your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High trans-fat diets
can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by germs
in our drinking water but, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of
all and most of us have, or will eat it.
Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old man in the front row raised
his hand and softly said, "Wedding Cake"............
--

 

[QF WP]

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