A bit of humour

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straitman said:
I am not really sure if this belongs in the Jokes section or not :?: :confused: :confused: :confused:

An announcement from Alan Joyce*
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Lindsay Wilson said:
Not sure about this either, but...

http://www.morningstar.com.au/stocks/article/gone-by-weekend/3931

Please oh please be true J - but I’m only worried that she is going to be replaced by someone equally incompetent !!
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drron said:
? Related to this story-
Fraser laughs off 'Beattie Plan' Local Gold Coast News | goldcoast.com.au | Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia
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Should we start a political humour thread :?:

Ooopps :!: It is not really funny is it :?:
 
Maca44 said:
It's not all bad news for the ALP.
Contrary to all previous evidence someone within their ranks apparently can organise a root in a brothel.
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The ALP is excited about the recent High Court finding.

28% in favour is the best poll result they've had in ages.

:rolleyes:
 
What's the difference between an airline pilot and God?

God doesn't think he's a pilot.


What's the difference between a flight attendant and a jet engine?

The engine stops whining after the flight.
 
Pilot: (calmly) "oh....it's just an engine falling off"...:D:D (most other people would be sh*tting themselves at that stage if it wasn't in a sim)
 
A small boy walks into his mom's room and sees her topless.
"Mommy, mommy, what are these?" he says, pointing to her breasts. "these are balloons, and when you die, they float you up to heaven." he believes this explanation and goes off satisfied.
Two days later while his mom is making tea, he rushes into the kitchen. "Mom, mom, Aunt Mary is dying! She's in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both of her balloons are out, Dad's blowing them up, and she keeps yelling "God, I'm coming"...
 
Lady in Devonport had lost her husband.She decided to go on an overseas trip to try and cheer herself up.Before the trip she went to her stylist.The hairdresser asked her where she was going-to Rome.
Rome,why are you going there.Dirty,noisy,expensive and overrun with tourists.I wouldn't go there.What were you going to do there?
Why see the Pope.
Well that is ridiculous.There will be a million other tourists trying to do the same thing.He will just look like an ant up there on the balcony.And how are you getting there?
I will be flying with Qantas to London and then by train to Rome.
Qantas!What a terrible airline.Old,filthy planes that are always breaking down.FAs that are old,ugly,grumpy that will make your flight terrible.I would never fly with them.

Well a couple of months later when she got back home she went back into Devonport to have her hair cut again.
How was your trip says her hairdresser.
Absolutely wonderful.I flew to Melbourne and caught one of Qantas's new planes.Even better it was absolutely full so they upgraded me to Business class.Lovely wine and food.And this gorgeous 28 year old male attendant who looked after me so well.Made me believe in myself again.He was adorable.
OK.But how was Rome?
Absolutely marvellous.Great food,fantastic hotel so I really enjoyed it.But the highlight of the trip was when I was touring the Vatican.A Swiss guard tapped me on the shoulder and said-Excuse me but the pope always likes to talk to a tourist personally so would you follow me to meet the Holy Father.
Well of course I did.We had a wonderful chat for about 10 minutes.Then the Pope leaned over and whispered a question in my ear.
The hairdresser asked-what was the question?
He asked where did I get that awful haircut?
 
A guy was hunting when a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over and discharged, shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hosital bed, he was approached by his doctor.

"Well, sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."

"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.

"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your willy which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."

"Well, I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"

"Not exactly" answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in the Sydney Symphony Orchestra. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."
 
Alex Perry Residential:

gallery-m-09.jpg


Just needs someone to photoshop his sunglasses on top.
 

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You know you're flying S.A.A. When you ask the air hostess
For the black pepper ....
and she brings you:

THE SOWETAN NEWSPAPER !!!! .....

​
 

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