One week in and mum is nicely settled at Amala. This is a nice nursing home - plenty of light, cheerful and kind staff, spotlessly clean, fruit, cakes and biscuits, tea and coffee available for self service all day, and plenty of residents out and about in the communal areas whenever we visit.
I've been "rejected" twice this week when trying to visit mum - one day she was keen to go to bingo that started a few minutes after I arrived and all but showed me the door, and today, I went as planned at 1030 to find she had opted into the church service from 1030-1130. I'm pretty happy about all of that as it is great social activity for her, the chance to meet new people and takes the pressure off the family big time.
I feel much relief at this situation. Thanks everyone for the support along the way.
If I could sum up one key lesson I have learnt from this experience it is this. No matter how much you wish to be that person that passes away peacefully at home, there is a very very high chance that it won't happen for you. So unless you want to be backed into a corner with totally no choice about where you go, you need to be sensible and get your name down at some places you would be willing to go to when the time inevitably comes for you. Please do not fight or demonise your family members who might try to suggest this. Being on a waiting list does not force you to accept a place if you get an offer, but not being on a list definitely means no offer until it is a total emergency and harrowing for all concerned.
Oh , and my bonus second lesson is that Swedish Death Cleaning is something everyone should consider as a gift to their children and grandchildren. Mum has been extremely good about that.