A bit of humour

[VPS]

I was going to put this in the WCMO thread but honestly it deserves a thread dedicated to stupid people

 

[Wing Nut]

In Big W just now
View attachment 465653

Reminds me of the Meyer Melbourne mannequins where someone lag had fun....

 

[codash1099]

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[AuSammy]

 

[AuSammy]

 

[AuSammy]

 

[AuSammy]

 

[AuSammy]

 

[prozac]

Like saying if you are a barman you manage liquid assets.

 

[DejaBrew]

View attachment 465870

Like saying if you are a barman you manage liquid assets.

Surely you'd have to mention that you single-handedly project managed a group of certified technicians to effect the successful upgrade? I mean... how many people does it take to do the job?

 

[prozac]

Surely you'd have to mention that you single-handedly project managed a group of certified technicians to effect the successful upgrade? I mean... how many people does it take to do the job?

That makes you a troubleshooter!

 

[DejaBrew]

That makes you a troubleshooter!

You forget it would also make me a "Professional Hyperbolist"

 

[AuSammy]

Surely you'd have to mention that you single-handedly project managed a group of certified technicians to effect the successful upgrade? I mean... how many people does it take to do the job?

I'm not happy with the fib in that statement. Surely you meant "managed all allocated staff required for the project".

 

[DejaBrew]

I'm not happy with the fib in that statement. Surely you meant "managed all allocated staff required for the project".

Is this better?

Led a high-stakes, cross-disciplinary initiative to replace a mission-critical environmental illumination apparatus, averting a prolonged luminescence outage in a strategically sensitive operational zone. As project manager, I directed a taskforce of environmental engineers, safety compliance officers, and technical specialists through a meticulously coordinated operation involving diagnostics, component procurement, and precision implementation. Leveraging agile project methodologies, I delivered a 147% increase in ambient clarity, a 93% reduction in shadow-based workflow disruptions, and a documented 42% boost in team morale, achieving full execution 3.5 hours ahead of schedule and 18% under budget, with zero safety incidents and complete regulatory compliance, establishing a gold standard for rapid-response infrastructure resilience and cost-efficiency.

 

[AuSammy]

Is this better?

Led a high-stakes, cross-disciplinary initiative to replace a mission-critical environmental illumination apparatus, averting a prolonged luminescence outage in a strategically sensitive operational zone. As project manager, I directed a taskforce of environmental engineers, safety compliance officers, and technical specialists through a meticulously coordinated operation involving diagnostics, component procurement, and precision implementation. Leveraging agile project methodologies, I delivered a 147% increase in ambient clarity, a 93% reduction in shadow-based workflow disruptions, and a documented 42% boost in team morale, achieving full execution 3.5 hours ahead of schedule and 18% under budget, with zero safety incidents and complete regulatory compliance, establishing a gold standard for rapid-response infrastructure resilience and cost-efficiency.

Your own resume must be a real doozie.

 

[TheRealTMA]

Surely you'd have to mention that you single-handedly project managed a group of certified technicians to effect the successful upgrade? I mean... how many people does it take to do the job?

Saw an answer to that the other day, “how many <technicians or people from a particular European country> to change a lightbulb ? five. One to hold the lightbulb and four to turn the ladder.

Is this better?

Led a high-stakes, cross-disciplinary initiative to replace a mission-critical environmental illumination apparatus, averting a prolonged luminescence outage in a strategically sensitive operational zone. As project manager, I directed a taskforce of environmental engineers, safety compliance officers, and technical specialists through a meticulously coordinated operation involving diagnostics, component procurement, and precision implementation. Leveraging agile project methodologies, I delivered a 147% increase in ambient clarity, a 93% reduction in shadow-based workflow disruptions, and a documented 42% boost in team morale, achieving full execution 3.5 hours ahead of schedule and 18% under budget, with zero safety incidents and complete regulatory compliance, establishing a gold standard for rapid-response infrastructure resilience and cost-efficiency.

So you changed the Halogen bulbs for LEDs?

 

[DejaBrew]

So you changed the Halogen bulbs for LEDs?

Absolutely! Halogen bulbs would have achieved a 26% boost in team morale at the absolute maximum. And don't even get me started on how that would have adversely impacted ambient clarity and shadow-based workflow disruptions....

 

[JohnK]

My wife sent me a text this morning that said "your my forever"

I said "No you're my forever."

She's been walking around the house singing and smiling. Should I tell her I was just fixing her grammar or leave it alone?

 

[Dmac59]

My wife sent me a text this morning that said "your my forever"

I said "No you're my forever."

She's been walking around the house singing and smiling. Should I tell her I was just fixing her grammar or leave it alone?

Leave it alone - happy wife, happy life