The Tony Hancock Are You a DYKWIA Quiz

[TonyHancock]

Welcome to the Tony Hancock Are you a DYKWIA quiz. Researched over many…errrr…..errr seconds and guaranteed 100% inaccurate. Created thanks to public demand, maybe.

As with the rest of the extensive range of Tony Hancock quizzes please answer as truthfully as possible, or alternatively just lie.

Please, please, please, please don’t bother commenting about questions that should or shouldn’t be there or how the scoring should have been done etc. Just make your own quiz up instead!!

 

[TonyHancock]

1. You arrive at check in for your international flight and find a long queue at the premium counters, you......

a) Immediately call for airport manager so that you can express your disgust and threaten legal action, whilst pointing out that you regularly have dinner with the mayor of Wagga Wagga

b) Push your way to the front of the queue letting everyone know how important you are by displaying multiple gold and platinum tags on your baggage

c) Wait your turn patiently wishing you had arrived earlier

d) Thank Elaine as she checks you in at the special counter nobody else seems to know about.


2. You reach the BA First Class Lounge entrance at LHR T5 but the staff member doesn’t recognize your Qantas Platinum frequent flyer card and directs you to the Business Class Lounge, you…

a) Remonstrate very loudly explaining that this has never happened to you before…..ever and even MH has no problems identifying important flyers like you.

b) Sarcastically point to the emerald logo on your card and thrust your tablet, containing oneworld lounge entrance rules under the nose of the staff member

c) Calmly demonstrate that you are in the correct place by matching the emerald logo on your card with that on the lounge entrance sign whilst smiling pleasantly

d) Apologize, whip out your CCR card and head off to the tranquility behind the million dollar door.


3. You head to the bar at CX’s Pier First Class Lounge and order a Gin and Tonic , the bartender explains that they only have Bombay Sapphire and Tanqueray No 10 left, you….

a) Complain bitterly, in a loud voice, making it quite clear that you expect Martin Millers or William Chase as a minimum, and you are not used to such poor choices when you travel.

b) Accept the drink but make it very clear you expect more choice when you travel back in a fortnight.

c) Accept the drink, made with Bombay Sapphire, and chat politely with the bartender

d) Quietly ask the bottle of Coates is in the usual place and thank, John, the bartender as he hands you your “Coates and a slimline”.


4. Your aircraft is about to board and it is clear that priority boarding is nothing more than a scrum, in fact you are probably on a QF domestic flight, you…..

a) Steamroller over anyone in front of you waving your Platinum Card and reminding everyone just how important you are

b) Pop down the side of the queue and cut in at the front

c) Patiently wait in what purports to be the priority lane

d) Say “hello I didn’t know you were on today” to Louise who escorts you down to the scanner and on board the aircraft.

 

[TonyHancock]

5. You get to your seat only to find that the overhead locker space above it is full, you….….

a) Remove the luggage above your seat, hold it above your head and in a loud voice ask whose rather tasteless silver Samsonite four wheeled carry on it is, with silver tags, has been placed in your space

b) Call the CSM to come and “deal with the situation” whilst shaking your head and rolling your eyes at everyone around you

c) Place your larger item in the overhead compartment in the aisle opposite your space and the smaller item under the seat in front.

d) Smile knowingly, grateful that Duncan, the CSM, took your carry on luggage off you at the door saying – “Nice to see you again, It will be ready as you disembark.”


6. It is very clear that Cyclone Griselda is going to cause a significant delay to your flight and you are at risk of missing your connecting flight, you......

a) Call the CSM and loudly express your disgust that the pilot has not flown through the cyclone to get you there on time, pointing out that you have a very important meeting to attend and missing your connection is not acceptable

b) Run and grab a seat in the front row of the aircraft fifteen minutes after take off explaining to all and sundry you need to be the first off because of your connection.

c) Quietly discuss your situation with one of the flight attendants and ask if anything can be done

d) Enjoy a pleasant chat with the first host escorting you through the airport to your next flight


7. You land at PVG at the same time as the DL and AA flights and the immigration lines are horrendously long, you.......

a) Shout very loudly, in English, at the young official directing pax in the immigration hall, explaining that it is never like this anywhere else in the world and that you would have priority over everyone else.

b) Attempt to cut in ahead of 20 people in front of you by bypassing the rope

c) Wait your turn and marvel at the scale of the airport

d) Waive your APEC card and head down the special lane


8. You are at Singapore waiting for your flight to the UK., and overhear staff discussing that the flight is heavily oversold in Business Class, you......

a) Head to the service desk brandishing your platinum card and loudly explaining that you should immediately be moved to first if the airline wants to retain your valuable business

b) Insist that the gate agent rescans your boarding pass because you are sure that you have been moved up a cabin.

c) Wonder what the significance of an oversold cabin is?

d) Thank Paul has he hands you your new boarding pass with seat 1A on it whilst you sip your dry martini, made with Coates Plymouth gin, in the Concorde Bar.

 

[TonyHancock]

9. You need to change the return date of your flight but have booked a lower cost more restrictive fare and the telephone agent is insistent that there will be a $1000 change fee, you........


a) You Immediately threaten legal action pointing out that your brother-in-law’s best friend knows the entire legal team that defended OJ Simpson and that you will have no qualms in using your contacts to get your way.

b) Let the agent know that you have never, in your many years of travel, seen such restrictive fares and that you will move all of your business to Tiger Airways

c) Cough up the $1000, and kick yourself for not reading the terms and conditions when you originally booked

d) Thank Rachel for popping you on the new flight, at no extra charge, and express gratitude for the complimentary upgrade to first as well.


10. You arrive at your hotel only to find that you did not provide a credit card guarantee, it is five minutes past the check in deadline, and the hotel is now fully booked, you……..

a) Jump up and down with your priority gold/platinum/diamond loyalty card demanding to see the duty manager and ensuring everyone in this hotel and the one next store are well aware you stay at this particular brand of hotel at least 7 or 8 times a year

b) Pull out your tablet and show the check in staff the clause that guarantees you as a gold member to a room even if the hotel is full, holding your thumb over the clause that states it only counts 48 hours in advance.

c) Ask the concierge is he/she might be able to help you find another hotel nearby.

d) Thank Melanie, the duty manager, as she guides you to the suite they have reserved for just such occasions, and marvel at the cheese platter complete with white stilton and cranberries.


11. You have managed book a reward seat in First Class for a long haul flight, but seat selection is limited and it looks as though you might not be able to snag that perfect seat recommended by those frequent flyers who have flown in First Class once, you…..

a) Approach the First Class Lounge service desk in an authoritative manner and point out that your second cousin Geoffrey once had tea with Alan Joyce and if the person on the service desk wants to keep their job they will move you to seat 1A immediately.

b) Explain to the gate agent that you were told by the premium line that you would be guaranteed whatever seat you like and that if another pax was already in your favourite seat they would be move

c) Accept your lot and just enjoy the whole First Class experience.

d) Sip the Krug and after 40 sectors, smile knowingly from the best seat in first.


12. It is Xmas and your airline of choice is sending out expensive wine to its top tier frequent flyers. As a Super Platinum you have yet to receive anything, you....

a) Take to social media complaining that it is not fair that someone as important as you has not received anything

b) Send an email to the super platinum service team reminding them of your existence

c) Hope that the airline will place a little more effort into looking after you when you fly rather than waste money on Xmas gifts

d) Wonder what to do with the case of Penfold’s Grange that is scheduled for delivery later today

 

[TonyHancock]

So how did you do?

Mostly A’s: You are the genuine article, someone so wrapped up in yourself that you barely recognize the minions around you. There is nothing you will not do to ensure everyone knows just how important you are. You almost certainly always try to sit in seat 1A and definitely believe William Chase is a sophisticated gin. You probably wish you lived in London so that you could fly Virgin Atlantic and mix with dreadful celebrities.

Mostly B’s: You are getting there, but still need to do a little more work. You probably do not name drop as much as you could, and are not loud enough in your conversations about your own airline/hotel status. You are quick to use your tablet to demonstrate your importance, showing and underlying lack of confidence in your own voice. You believe Bombay Sapphire and Tanqueray No 10 are sophisticated gins and are probably gauche enough to have your martinis shaken rather than stirred.

Mostly C’s: Dear oh dear oh dear you are just far to humble and are likely to never make it as a DYKWIA. No amount of training is likely to get you to a stage where you wave your platinum frequent flyer card around and demand attention. You’ll probably go to heaven and almost certainly don’t mind Gordon’s or Beefeater Gin.

Mostly D’s: You don’t really need to tell anyone who you are because they already know. You have reached the peak that the A’s and B’s can only fantasize about. Airline and hotel staff members cater to your every whim, doors open at every turn. You either fly an awful lot or are very rich. You definitely have your martini stirred and know that Coates Plymouth Gin is the only gin to drink. (Despite it being owned by a French Company.)

 

[medhead]

You expect me to do a quiz? I'll be contacting the minister about this... Mark my words

 

[RooFlyer]

Disappointing. You obviously Don't KWIA. I don't need a quiz to know I am a D.

 

[JohnK]

I am far too important to be doing a quiz designed by someone who thinks they are important....

 

[chelzmalee]

I don't like your tone. I do not demand, I forcefully request.

 

[dfcatch]

All the top airlines already know dfcatch's answers.


Kind Regards,



TonyHancock
Assistant to dfcatch

 

[Princess Fiona]

D in training

 

[TonyHancock]

All the top airlines already know dfcatch's answers.

I can confirm this, Griselda overheard staff at JQ and TR saying as much on her recent return trip to SYD.

 

[russ]

I assume this is for bronze DYKWIAs because it is focused on regular public transport

I've made a real DYKWIA quiz and posted it in the private flyer forum. Give it a go!

 

[samh004]

I'm happy to be humble, but there were a few questions where I couldn't choose any of the answers