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Paradox Airlines Announces New Class of Flying for the Modern Traveller
In an remarkable turnaround on its usual lack-lustre marketing principles, Paradox Airlines today announced the creation of a new class of flying - Economy Minus™.
"Well..err..uhmm..given that we usually don't lie to our customers, and usually tell it as it actually is, the launch of Economy Minus™ is a pretty unusual step for us" commented Paradox Airlines CEO Bel Ieve-Menot.
"The booming Australian dollar, combined with raised international awareness has offered our customers many more international destinations to invade, make fun of, be paranoid about or simply visit"
"And with the balloon of credit set to burst at any moment, what better opportunity for our Airline to step up and offer a cheap affordable form of international travel"
While many airlines today have relegated traditional economy to a seat with a belt for an extra fee, and have moved towards branding a traditional economy level of service offered up at a higher cost as a Premium Economy - Paradox Airlines have taken the premium branding to an entirely new and radical level.
"Economy Minus™ will offer our customer three entirely new levels of service, Laidback, Explorer and Stowaway, Our glossy marketing and slick advertising campaigns will begin in the first quarter of 2008 informing potential customers about how we can charge you more for the same, or charge you the same for less" continued Bel Ieve-Menot.
"All three new levels of service will have some common elements, No restrictions on Booking changes - we don't guarantee a spot on the plane anyhow. No complicated luggage allowances - You can't carry on anything, and no Egalitarian frequent flyer scheme - we treat everyone like cattle."
Industry experts believe that the new Economy Minus™ offering represent a win-win for the airline industry. Ivan Yourkache of Pompous Business flyer magazine says "We get more space opened up on the planes for passengers, the Stowaway service actually allows passengers to rest horizontally in the overhead locker space. Its business class seating, for standard economy price, without any unnecessary add-ons like entertainment, meals or attendants".
"And of course we regular business class passengers can further turn our noses up at the commoners". Ivan's comment albeit tongue in cheek, is not too far from the truth. "These days air travel is affordable to everyone, but lets be honest, the charm of flying has to be retained. Paradoxs new offering is a good thing for the airline industry and the public as whole".
Bel Ieve-Menot ran us through a typical scenario for passengers in Economy Minus™. "Typically customers arrive at the airport and go through some checking-in procedure, but not our Minus customers. The no luggage policies are strictly enforced to ensure the maximum profit for Paradox. We do compensate our Minus customers by speeding them through security - we let them scale the airport fence"
This caused some anxious moments with Airport security, with an unnameable source commenting "The security is a load of rubbish at the best of times anyhow, but what Paradox are doing is only going to make people even more worried".
"Well we tossed up the idea of allowing customers to pay more money for greater security. But we hit a snag, because all it would take is for only one person to pay, and we have to be strict on everyone on board. Our customers are stupid, but they'd catch onto this fairly quickly. We'd rather be in a position where we have to charge everyone."
"Other airlines offers lounges, or dedicated gates for their flights. Our Economy Minus™ passengers will actually have their own Pen. We call it the pig pen" chuckled Bel. "This way our customers can get to know their fellow passengers face to face in a standing up position before boarding the plane"
The concept of Economy Minus™ will be put to the test in the second quarter 2008, when regular Paradox flights begin. "Well I hope it works out offering the same seats for more money, especially the Laidback aisle space for the price of an old economy ticket" Ivan Yourkache said "I don't mind paying more for my seat, heck its not my money after all".
The only remanning concern is that over safety, with additional passengers on board. what would happen to the Explorer customers seated on the exit row floor in the even of a fire? Bel Ieve-Menot's response was "A Fire? Heavens no, we'd charge extra for that type of in-flight entertainment".
In an remarkable turnaround on its usual lack-lustre marketing principles, Paradox Airlines today announced the creation of a new class of flying - Economy Minus™.
"Well..err..uhmm..given that we usually don't lie to our customers, and usually tell it as it actually is, the launch of Economy Minus™ is a pretty unusual step for us" commented Paradox Airlines CEO Bel Ieve-Menot.
"The booming Australian dollar, combined with raised international awareness has offered our customers many more international destinations to invade, make fun of, be paranoid about or simply visit"
"And with the balloon of credit set to burst at any moment, what better opportunity for our Airline to step up and offer a cheap affordable form of international travel"
While many airlines today have relegated traditional economy to a seat with a belt for an extra fee, and have moved towards branding a traditional economy level of service offered up at a higher cost as a Premium Economy - Paradox Airlines have taken the premium branding to an entirely new and radical level.
"Economy Minus™ will offer our customer three entirely new levels of service, Laidback, Explorer and Stowaway, Our glossy marketing and slick advertising campaigns will begin in the first quarter of 2008 informing potential customers about how we can charge you more for the same, or charge you the same for less" continued Bel Ieve-Menot.
"All three new levels of service will have some common elements, No restrictions on Booking changes - we don't guarantee a spot on the plane anyhow. No complicated luggage allowances - You can't carry on anything, and no Egalitarian frequent flyer scheme - we treat everyone like cattle."
Industry experts believe that the new Economy Minus™ offering represent a win-win for the airline industry. Ivan Yourkache of Pompous Business flyer magazine says "We get more space opened up on the planes for passengers, the Stowaway service actually allows passengers to rest horizontally in the overhead locker space. Its business class seating, for standard economy price, without any unnecessary add-ons like entertainment, meals or attendants".
"And of course we regular business class passengers can further turn our noses up at the commoners". Ivan's comment albeit tongue in cheek, is not too far from the truth. "These days air travel is affordable to everyone, but lets be honest, the charm of flying has to be retained. Paradoxs new offering is a good thing for the airline industry and the public as whole".
Bel Ieve-Menot ran us through a typical scenario for passengers in Economy Minus™. "Typically customers arrive at the airport and go through some checking-in procedure, but not our Minus customers. The no luggage policies are strictly enforced to ensure the maximum profit for Paradox. We do compensate our Minus customers by speeding them through security - we let them scale the airport fence"
This caused some anxious moments with Airport security, with an unnameable source commenting "The security is a load of rubbish at the best of times anyhow, but what Paradox are doing is only going to make people even more worried".
"Well we tossed up the idea of allowing customers to pay more money for greater security. But we hit a snag, because all it would take is for only one person to pay, and we have to be strict on everyone on board. Our customers are stupid, but they'd catch onto this fairly quickly. We'd rather be in a position where we have to charge everyone."
"Other airlines offers lounges, or dedicated gates for their flights. Our Economy Minus™ passengers will actually have their own Pen. We call it the pig pen" chuckled Bel. "This way our customers can get to know their fellow passengers face to face in a standing up position before boarding the plane"
The concept of Economy Minus™ will be put to the test in the second quarter 2008, when regular Paradox flights begin. "Well I hope it works out offering the same seats for more money, especially the Laidback aisle space for the price of an old economy ticket" Ivan Yourkache said "I don't mind paying more for my seat, heck its not my money after all".
The only remanning concern is that over safety, with additional passengers on board. what would happen to the Explorer customers seated on the exit row floor in the even of a fire? Bel Ieve-Menot's response was "A Fire? Heavens no, we'd charge extra for that type of in-flight entertainment".
