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Well mum has had a better week. She responded well to a further round (5 days) of IV antibiotics and has finally started the rehab program this morning. We watched her intake physical assessment on Friday and could only agree with the physio's assessment of 'very low' physical capabilities. They have started suggesting that we look ahead to the likelihood that mum will not meet the safety requirements to return to her home.
This is making me very annoyed, progressing to angry and now closing in on enraged with other family members. At the beginning of the year, I thought mum was already getting pretty marginal for staying at home, and said I would go to the local residential care facility and put her on the waiting list. My sister hit the roof and said absolutely not, mum wants to stay at home. My daughter and my niece (mum's power of attorney holders) also said that I should not do that. I was bullied into not doing what I thought was right. For heaven's sake, it's a waiting list, not a compulsory evacuation! If she got to the top and did not want to go, she would not have to go. But if you are not on the list and need to go, you can't go. As soon as the dust settled after the stroke, I again suggested it might be a good idea to put her name down. Again, I was howled down by my sister - you are so negative, you are writing her off, give her a chance to recover, she does not want to go to a nursing home, you will have to respect that. The granddaughters started to waver though, as her decline and various physical deficits were starting to become obvious to them. I probably should have just done it at that point, but I was stressed, bullied and also I have been quite sick for 3 weeks now with a cold type thing that just will nor go away. So I didn't do it then either.
Well guess what, now I deeply regret my inaction. The physio said - this is how it will go. She's unlikely to meet standard to live independently. She's already been here for 4 weeks (plus 1 week in the public hospital), and soon her insurer will give an ultimatum - discharge or start to pay yourselves. No one can afford that. So we (the hospital) will try to find her a place in a nursing home, and we will almost certainly fail to do so. Next step is we will try to persuade the public hospital to take her back. Problem is, she isn't really a hospital case now - no medical issues, just old age and needs care. So they will likely refuse. Then you will be under pressure to take her home and sort it out later. DO NOT DO IT. You may have to 'abandon' her at the hospital so they have no choice but to admit her until a nursing home bed can be found. Of course in return, you will have no choice about where the facility is (could be up to an hour's drive to the other side of town), or the quality of the place, by then you will just be glad to accept anything. So get onto it now and maybe something better will happen in the (likely) 2 weeks she now has before all this kicks off.
All my recalcitrant relatives now think it is a good idea for me to put her name down at a few places. What a total cluster f#$k that is too. Here's the paperwork we did for my dad, just for one home, because of course, they all have different forms, don't they.
I am looking into using an aged care placement consultant as I just cannot deal with it. But of course, that will cost money, which mum could afford. However, I am starting to suspect that my sister has a bit of an eye to her inheritance. I will not be getting anything from mum's estate when the time comes - I have no need of it and asked her to leave it to Seat Daughter and Seat Son.
This is making me very annoyed, progressing to angry and now closing in on enraged with other family members. At the beginning of the year, I thought mum was already getting pretty marginal for staying at home, and said I would go to the local residential care facility and put her on the waiting list. My sister hit the roof and said absolutely not, mum wants to stay at home. My daughter and my niece (mum's power of attorney holders) also said that I should not do that. I was bullied into not doing what I thought was right. For heaven's sake, it's a waiting list, not a compulsory evacuation! If she got to the top and did not want to go, she would not have to go. But if you are not on the list and need to go, you can't go. As soon as the dust settled after the stroke, I again suggested it might be a good idea to put her name down. Again, I was howled down by my sister - you are so negative, you are writing her off, give her a chance to recover, she does not want to go to a nursing home, you will have to respect that. The granddaughters started to waver though, as her decline and various physical deficits were starting to become obvious to them. I probably should have just done it at that point, but I was stressed, bullied and also I have been quite sick for 3 weeks now with a cold type thing that just will nor go away. So I didn't do it then either.
Well guess what, now I deeply regret my inaction. The physio said - this is how it will go. She's unlikely to meet standard to live independently. She's already been here for 4 weeks (plus 1 week in the public hospital), and soon her insurer will give an ultimatum - discharge or start to pay yourselves. No one can afford that. So we (the hospital) will try to find her a place in a nursing home, and we will almost certainly fail to do so. Next step is we will try to persuade the public hospital to take her back. Problem is, she isn't really a hospital case now - no medical issues, just old age and needs care. So they will likely refuse. Then you will be under pressure to take her home and sort it out later. DO NOT DO IT. You may have to 'abandon' her at the hospital so they have no choice but to admit her until a nursing home bed can be found. Of course in return, you will have no choice about where the facility is (could be up to an hour's drive to the other side of town), or the quality of the place, by then you will just be glad to accept anything. So get onto it now and maybe something better will happen in the (likely) 2 weeks she now has before all this kicks off.
All my recalcitrant relatives now think it is a good idea for me to put her name down at a few places. What a total cluster f#$k that is too. Here's the paperwork we did for my dad, just for one home, because of course, they all have different forms, don't they.
I am looking into using an aged care placement consultant as I just cannot deal with it. But of course, that will cost money, which mum could afford. However, I am starting to suspect that my sister has a bit of an eye to her inheritance. I will not be getting anything from mum's estate when the time comes - I have no need of it and asked her to leave it to Seat Daughter and Seat Son.
