A bit of humour

[Buzzard]

I figured this was the best place for this one.........

From: Flashback
Sent: Today
To: GM of hotel
Subject: RE: Your recent stay at IHG hotel in location X

Thanks GM for reaching out. Only one minor comment, Spire Elite is gone now and it's changed to Diamond Elite; perhaps time to update the automated e-mail templates

Have a great day!

Cheers,
Flashback.


-----Original Message-----

From: GM of hotel <[email protected]>
Sent: Today
To: Flashback
Subject: Your recent stay at IHG hotel in location X

Dear Flashback,

Thank you for taking the time to tell us about your experience at IHG hotel in location X and thank you for being a Spire Elite IHG Member and thank you for staying with us. Thank you also for your review. You are very much appreciated!

Please know that your feedback is extremely valuable to us. We use feedback, such as yours, to continuously make changes to our brand to improve the guest experience. We hope that you will give us the opportunity to serve you again in the future.

Again, thank you for choosing IHG hotel brand, and if I can be of assistance to you, please contact me directly at xx_.xx_.xx_x or [email protected].

Warm Regards,

Noddy
General Manager
xx_.xx_.xx_x
[email protected]

At least they picked the right man for the job...
Noddy

 

[Hvr]

I'm test marketing my new Frank Sinatra jigsaw in New York. If they can make it there, they can make it anywhere...

 

[Hvr]

conjunctivitis.com is a site for sore eyes.



Does anyone know if the Arachnophobia Helpline has a website?

 

[Hvr]

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around and then speak to them.


Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something that she carried in her bag.


The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure, they decided to just continue watching her.


After a couple of weeks the wife said, 'Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?' He hadn't and said so.


Then she said, 'Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing.'
Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.


The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?' she asked excitedly. 'No, she's not,' he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.


'Well, what is it then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked. The man grinned and said, 'She's a battery salesperson.'
'Batteries?' cried the wife.


'Yes!' he replied. 'She Sells C Cells by the Seashore!'

 

[Hvr]

A horse goes in sitting in a bar sinking pints. He staggers over to the bar and asks for another. The bartender looks at him and says “you’re drunk; I can’t serve you anymore. I’m daft, you’ve been in here every day this week. Are you an alcoholic?”
The horse looks at the barman and says “I don’t think I am” and promptly disappears.
Now, most of you won’t have got that joke; it’s about the famous philosopher's quote “I think therefore I am”.



I didn’t explain that before the joke because that would be putting Descartes before the horse.

 

[Hvr]

There was a race between a brunette, a redhead and a blond to swim from the mainland to Vancouver Island, doing only the breaststroke.
After about 14 hours the brunette staggered up on shore and was declared the winner.
About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up to the finish line in second.
Nearly four hours after that, the blond finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.


When the reporter asked why it took her considerably longer to finish the race, she replies, "I don't like to sound like a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms!"

 

[Hvr]

If I had a dollar for every time I went to Woolworths,
I could get a trolley instead of holding my weekly shop.

+++++++++++++

Solitary lions have no pride

++++++++++++

 

[Hvr]

 

[Hvr]

For Sale:
Brand new Trivial Pursuit game.
No questions asked.

+++++++++++++++

Last night I was in a bar when me and a friend got in an argument with some tough-looking blokes. My mate quickly whispered to me "Let's pretend we're the police"..
Long story short, they kicked the cough out of us before we even got through the first verse of "Roxanne".

***********************

Spare a thought for mind readers

+++++++++++++++++

Just been for a job interview for a running coach...
They asked "When are you able to start?"
I replied "After the pistol has sounded".

+++++++++++++++++

I've just watched the uncut version of Scarface.
It's called Face.

 

[Hvr]

My son was baptised Times New Roman.
I think the priest used the wrong font.

+++++++++++++++++++

The Nepalese government are planning to charge people up to $10,000 to scale Everest
I think it's a bit steep.

++++++++++++++++

I know it's a long shot -- but does anyone know what a trebuchet is?

+++++++++++++++++++

If one Domino's pizza shop collapses,
would the others then fall in succession?

+++++++++++++++++++

This is a song for Mathematicians:
Get your kicks, on 8.12403840463596

++++++++++++++++++

Fuel has become so expensive that taxi drivers are taking the shortest route …

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

 

[VPS]

Greatness

 

[codash1099]

 

[MathNerd]

One of the funniest skits ever... You see the punchline coming from a mile away, yet you'll still hold onto your seat waiting for it to land and then have a hearty laugh.
Guaranteed.

"Fuel" for thought... Just "think" about it.

 

[Bundy Bear]

It is June

 

[codash1099]

 

[JessicaTam]

From my current BA booking, in Manage My Booking. This is the only thread it justified being in.

*We can confirm that you have a special meal on order but, for privacy reasons, we are unable to show you the type of meal.

 

[prozac]

Was at the airport yesterday when this bloke passed out onto the baggage carousel.....
He came round slowly

 

[Hvr]

 

[Hvr]