A bit of humour

[Hvr]

I recently took up studying ancient Greek & Latin (maybe a First World Problem).

Going through the dictionary I discovered -

Vegan: Ancient Greek word for "lousy hunter"

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Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in France's Charles de Gaulle Airport.
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?"
"No, just here for a few days."

They built a new stadium in Warsaw, but they had to pull it down again.

No matter where you sat, you were sitting behind a Pole.

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Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore Apple T&C's

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My son's maths teacher was recently excluded from school for a mathematical error.

(It's an extremely strict school)

The poor chap had a sniffle & got a covid test, results were negative

Symptoms persisted.

A week later there was a second test, also negative.

Apparently, as a maths teacher he broke the rule that two negatives makes a positive

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My wife said it was the worst birthday she had ever had. And it was all my fault.
I didn't even know it was her birthday!

 

[Captain Halliday]

School resumed today in Qld.

I know this because of the eight emails:

Driver safety in the school zone, camp forms, request for canteen volunteers, music timetable, reminder about camp forms, invoice for camp, camp forms email again (this time with attachment), and finally, notice of a price increase at the uniform shop.

It drives me bonkers.

But the classic was the medical form for camp. It had all the usual stuff, dietaries, allergies, medication etc etc. Then the covid declaration:

Have you been in a declared hot spot, had covid 19, or come into contact with anyone who has covid 19 in the past 14 days? Yes/No (circle)

But the clanger, right after the covid declaration:

To assist with our planning, please return this form at least two weeks prior to your child attending (name of camp).

 

[Hvr]

I don't understand how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living....

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[Buzzard]

 

[love_the_life]

School resumed today in Qld.

I know this because of the eight emails:

Driver safety in the school zone, camp forms, request for canteen volunteers, music timetable, reminder about camp forms, invoice for camp, camp forms email again (this time with attachment), and finally, notice of a price increase at the uniform shop.

It drives me bonkers.

But the classic was the medical form for camp. It had all the usual stuff, dietaries, allergies, medication etc etc. Then the covid declaration:

Have you been in a declared hot spot, had covid 19, or come into contact with anyone who has covid 19 in the past 14 days? Yes/No (circle)

But the clanger, right after the covid declaration:

To assist with our planning, please return this form at least two weeks prior to your child attending (name of camp).

I once shared an office with the coordinator of my daughter's year and we were quite close. When daughter was on year camp, I had a phone call at home "Good evening Mrs LtL, I am Ms C, the Year y coordinator. Your daughter, MissLltL, is here on camp and I notice she hasn't brought her antihistamine in case of bee sting and was checking if we need to she can have (alternative brand)". said "You do know who I am?" to which she replied "Yes, mother of MissLtL". It took a while for her to work out. Sometimes the obvious ain't so obvious.

 

[NM]

This is the last time I buy a piano from Ikea!

 

[drron]

I thought I was bring very philanthropic when I went to the transplant unit to donate a kidney.
All fell apart when they wanted to know where I'd got it from.

Rorschach testing is becoming very popular.
I don't know what people see in it.

 

[TheRealTMA]

Careful handling.

https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1445910563360444420

 

[TheRealTMA]

 

[drron]

.

 

[TheRealTMA]

Teacher/Librarian jokes.

 

[Ansett]

 

[Cruiser Elite]

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

3 plant flowers

3 plant flowers who?

Tommy, penegal and Cruiser ………….



Prolly leave it at that

 

[Cruiser Elite]

Creative marketing 101

 

[TheRealTMA]

 

[Hvr]

PENSIONERS
Be careful in the travel agents,
18-30 holidays are not the bedtimes.

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I’ve just been on Trip Advisor.
Nothing about how to deal with a cut knee.

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You can lead a horse to water but it's pretty crowded there
because of all the men you taught to fish in that other proverb....

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The highlight of my holiday, a trip to the zoo, was seeing an antelope


I'd never seen an insect get married before

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A terrorist attack has blown away two houses -
one made of straw and the other made of wood.
Police think that it's probably a lone wolf.

 

[Hvr]

 

[Hvr]

It is reported that there is a huge fire at shoe factory.

Over 1000 soles lost.

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Is the national anthem country music?


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A sad sign of the times. No one was shocked when the defibrillator was stolen from the town centre.

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Have you ever tried archery blindfolded?
You don't know what you're missing!

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If you’re feeling down,
try drinking a pint of water before going to bed.
It’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.


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If like me, you wonder why Bruce Willis
keeps making the same films.
Well you know what they say about old habits

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I went online to find my ancestors,
but they're all dead

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Gravestones are a thing of the passed.

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Do you know Murphy 's law?

Yes, if something can go wrong it will.

That's it, do you know Cole' s law.


No, what's that.

Thinly sliced cabbage.

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Freddie Mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.
"Can you go and get me another one please?" Asked Freddie.
"Why?" Asked the waiter.

"I want to break three."

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Just watched a documentary about beavers.
Best dam programme I’ve ever seen.

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Regret is a useless emotion.

I wish I’d known that a long time ago.

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The guillotine, as a method of execution, is first noted in 1210,
with very little improvements since, it remains cutting edge technology

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My local newsagents has 2022 calendars for sale.
I can’t see them shifting that many

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[mrs.dr.ron]

This is me ...

 

[drron]

And I hope this is not me.