A bit of humour

[Wingin..it]

Pax Mr ###A### boards and is looking for some quiet time ,
Pax next and family are first time flyers;very very excited yippeeeeee and chattery.

Mr ##A## mutters .."Looks like I picked the wrong week to try and read a book on a flight.

Mr #A# requests seat change
Gets seat change .......says ,Thank you very much ssoooooooooo relieved.

Mr ##A## is then seated next to a former work colleague .........Mr #A# mutters to himself ;looks like I picked the wrong week to work for the opposition!!!!!!!!!

Mr # A# requests sea change .........I mean tree change ............oh crud typo I mean SEAT change .
Gets seat change ........mutters .........Thank you very much sssoooooooooo relieved ,don't know how I was going to get out of that one!

FINALLY Mr # A# gets to sit on a seat with vacancy next to him in an exit row .........sigh of relief .......ok this is my week .

Has a glimpse of a shadowy figure beside him,and by then the FA is making a beeline to him noticing his off-colour and shakiness .
FA announces ............Mr A we have a vacant seat in First ,a Pax has taken a sudden turn for the worst?
Mr #A # squelches .............................SSOOOO THAT WAS THE THING BESIDE ME .

 

[Foreigner]

,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

[TheEmu]

Re: Daniel, the duck on my flight, likes to look at the clouds.

Excerpt from Michael Clarke's Autobiography...

How on earth did you get through 174 pages of that tripe? Was it actually written by Clarke or did he get some 12 year old to ghost write it for him?

 

[love_the_life]

Re: Daniel, the duck on my flight, likes to look at the clouds.

How on earth did you get through 174 pages of that tripe? Was it actually written by Clarke or did he get some 12 year old to ghost write it for him?

Not the real autobiography, just a bit of a knock-off satire.

 

[JessicaTam]

Re: Daniel, the duck on my flight, likes to look at the clouds.

Not the real autobiography, just a bit of a knock-off satire.

Thank goodness. I am sure that the proofreading on an actual book would have caught the errors. Anyway, that's for the grammar thread.

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

Re: Daniel, the duck on my flight, likes to look at the clouds.

 

[clazman]

Re: Daniel, the duck on my flight, likes to look at the clouds.

Some funnies for friday

 

[Foreigner]

Through the ages, men have been trying to unlock this mystery: Why do their wives, who accept them just as they are before they get married, begin the quest to change their behavior and life-style once their vows are exchanged?

Finally, the riddle is solved.

A social-scientist has arrived at this simple and logical explanation. When the bride, accompanied by her father, starts to walk slowly down the long aisle, she sees the altar at the end and hears the choir singing a hymn. Walking down the aisle, the conditioning process starts where the brain absorbs these three stimuli: Aisle, altar, and hymn.

She becomes mesmerized as she continually reinforces these perceptions: Aisle, altar, hymn... Aisle, altar, hymn... Aisle, altar, hymn.

And finally, as she stops beside the groom, the conditioning process is complete. She looks up at him smiling sweetly and keeps saying to herself: "I'll alter him!"

 

[Wingin..it]

What do you get when you cross a hairdresser with a barbarian .....a Barbar.......and where do they like to holiday the most..........the Barbary Coast!

 

[Foreigner]

Three girls apply for a job. At the interview they are told they will have to answer a question then explain their answer.

Gwyneth goes first and is shown a cauliflower, a potato and a knife. She is then asked which one is the odd one out and the reason why.

She ponders for a minute then answers, "The knife, because the knife is long yet the other two are round."

Her answer was accepted.

Beryl goes next and she also chooses the knife explaining that the knife was mineral while the other two were vegetable. Her answer was also accepted.

Finally, Blodwen thought for a minute after being asked the same question then replied, "The cauliflower is the odd one because you can make chips with the other two."

 

[mrs.dr.ron]

So True !!!!

 

[codash1099]

View attachment 84225


So True !!!!

I see he traded in his wife for an older model!

 

[NM]

So True !!!!

Perhaps she should have taken better care of his shirt?

 

[Foreigner]

Or her handbag?

 

[Cruiser Elite]

Re: Daniel, the duck on my flight, likes to look at the clouds.

A bloke just called the office - 'I have had a crash on my electric bicycle ................... and I have lost a nut'

Ummm ..................... was that painful?

 

[drron]

Re: Daniel, the duck on my flight, likes to look at the clouds.

A bloke just called the office - 'I have had a crash on my electric bicycle ................... and I have lost a nut'

Ummm ..................... was that painful?

Must have been a screw loose.

 

[get me outta here]

Re: Daniel, the duck on my flight, likes to look at the clouds.

An Engineer dies and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. The engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how's it going down there?" Satan says, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God is horrified. "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here! "

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff. I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
"Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?"



Which of the following names are you familiar with?

1. Monica Lewinsky
2. Bill Clinton
3. Hillary Clinton
4. Adolph Hitler
5. Jorge Bergoglio
6. Winnie Mandela
7. Barack Obama
8. Linda Lovelace
9. Saddam Hussein
10.Tiger Woods






You had trouble with #5?



You know all the criminals, murderers, thieves and cheaters, but you don't know the Pope?? Lovely, just lovely!

Who needs religion anyway?

 

[TheEmu]

Re: Daniel, the duck on my flight, likes to look at the clouds.

A bloke just called the office - 'I have had a crash on my electric bicycle ................... and I have lost a nut'

Ummm ..................... was that painful?

Must have been a screw loose.

Nah, it was just a crank call!
I think I'll bolt now...

 

[NM]

Re: Daniel, the duck on my flight, likes to look at the clouds.

A bloke just called the office - 'I have had a crash on my electric bicycle ................... and I have lost a nut'

Ummm ..................... was that painful?

The cause of most vehicle accidents .... the nut behind the wheel

 

[anat0l]

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!