Flatus

[klavdy]

Flatulence.
We, as a species, produce a rather impressive volume per day.
Why oh why then does Airline catering include such delights as spinach frittata, bean, tomato and onion side dishes and leafy salads washed down with beer on the long hauls?
I try and be polite when on board, keep the cork in the bottle so to speak,it's not that hard to do,but on the way back from LHR we were seated next to the most noxious farter ever.
There may have been an underlying medical condition,but this bloke was truly astonishing.
The big fat sweaty cough orchestra started before the safety demo and did not let up till touchdown.
We ignored the first couple, gagged on the next lot and finally asked him if he could stop lifting his haunch up off the seat and farting at us.
He got all huffy!
It reached the point where the F.A's were called and asked if either we could be moved or bugle bum made to sit and reek elsewhere.
Poor bun tossers were at a loss,the plane was full and this bloke said he couldn't help it.
The first F.A couldn't keep a straight face, she went off to get the Cabin Manager who swished up to see what the fuss was about.
Again we asked if we could be moved,C.M pursed his lips and fat boy said we were imagining things.
Then he let another one rip.
The thing that really pissed us off was that he tried to make out that it was our fault, that we were being unreasonable by complaining, and he'd never been so insulted in his life.
How would you deal with it?

 

[drron]

Flatulence.
We, as a species, produce a rather impressive volume per day.
Why oh why then does Airline catering include such delights as spinach frittata, bean, tomato and onion side dishes and leafy salads washed down with beer on the long hauls?
I try and be polite when on board, keep the cork in the bottle so to speak,it's not that hard to do,but on the way back from LHR we were seated next to the most noxious farter ever.
There may have been an underlying medical condition,but this bloke was truly astonishing.
The big fat sweaty cough orchestra started before the safety demo and did not let up till touchdown.
We ignored the first couple, gagged on the next lot and finally asked him if he could stop lifting his haunch up off the seat and farting at us.
He got all huffy!
It reached the point where the F.A's were called and asked if either we could be moved or bugle bum made to sit and reek elsewhere.
Poor bun tossers were at a loss,the plane was full and this bloke said he couldn't help it.
The first F.A couldn't keep a straight face, she went off to get the Cabin Manager who swished up to see what the fuss was about.
Again we asked if we could be moved,C.M pursed his lips and fat boy said we were imagining things.
Then he let another one rip.
The thing that really pissed us off was that he tried to make out that it was our fault, that we were being unreasonable by complaining, and he'd never been so insulted in his life.
How would you deal with it?

Fight fire with fire :shock:

 

[kpc]

Fight fire with fire :shock:

Like this?:shock::mrgreen:
Seat etiquette | NEWS.com.au

 

[2muchplastic]

I'd ask the CSM for the cork from the J cabin champers and a pair of rubber gloves. Just for the look on the dirty bugger's face :shock::mrgreen::mrgreen:

 

[samh004]

Probably just got to sit through it. If it went on for a long haul flight I'd probably start trying to fight fire with fire as stated above. Might try a few of my more annoying habits too, see if they're a bit grossed out by me.

Finally, you could always write to Qantas (or whoever) when you get home and see if they care.

 

[notzac]

Finally, you could always write to Qantas (or whoever) when you get home and see if they care.

Good luck!

 

[zzyss]

Haven't been on a plane in a while, so not sure how possible this is, but turn all of your aircon vents in his direction?

 

[Hvr]

Haven't been on a plane in a while, so not sure how possible this is, but turn all of your aircon vents in his direction?

I guess this could be a case of the stronger vent wins.

It is reasons like this that smoking is banned on flights.

 

[ejb]

Hi,

I would request that everything but water was withheld for the rest of the flight as the pax obviously had underlying medical issues as surely no human would subject a fellow pax to that abuse for fun.

Surely allowing him to use the toilets could have eased the problem, and to acheive this I would have offered him the ailse seat to facilitate frequent toilet visits.

ejb

 

[klavdy]

Hi,

I would request that everything but water was withheld for the rest of the flight as the pax obviously had underlying medical issues as surely no human would subject a fellow pax to that abuse for fun.

Surely allowing him to use the toilets could have eased the problem, and to acheive this I would have offered him the ailse seat to facilitate frequent toilet visits.

ejb

Ever felt like smothering someone on a flight?
The filthy brute was sniggering, he'd literally hoist a buttock up off the seat and fart at us, say things like, "Better out than in" and even in his sleep it kept on.
Never have I seen or heard anything like him.

I spoke to a couple of friends, Qantas ground staff, about this, they said all you could do was ask to be moved.
They also reckon that they draw straws to crack the seal on the Airbridge whenever long hauls come in, the waft that comes out is sickening.

 

[ejb]

Ever felt like smothering someone on a flight?
The filthy brute was sniggering, he'd literally hoist a buttock up off the seat and fart at us, say things like, "Better out than in" and even in his sleep it kept on.
Never have I seen or heard anything like him.

I spoke to a couple of friends, Qantas ground staff, about this, they said all you could do was ask to be moved.
They also reckon that they draw straws to crack the seal on the Airbridge whenever long hauls come in, the waft that comes out is sickening.

Hi klavdy,

I was on a PER-SYD trip once with mrs ejb on the old 743's in the forward J cabin and there was an incident involving a glass of wine, mrs ejb and a very sorry FA.

When we arrived in SYD the "door opening person" commented that it smelled like we had enjoyed our trip over so I do think that on opening the doors there is a rush of odour from the door.

Needless to say a glass of wine on the floor would be a better odour than you experienced.

I don't see the funny side of this type of behaviour but he clearly gained pleasure from your discomfort.

I would certainly contact QF and explain the story, you never know what they might do and an email costs nothing.

ejb

 

[chrizzz14]

im curious to know what came of the situation? did the CSM make you sit in your seats for the remainder of the journey?

If it were me, id have demanded to be moved and refused to put up with the unhealthy environment that is being forced upon you!

I was on an MH flight earlier this year - with a similar situation. I was sitting in an exit row aisle seat, the pax next to me was an elderly man with a very obvious and loud rectal problem. The flight attendant was walking past, heard one of his, shall i call them, releases', she stoped looked right at him, smelt the air, twitched her nose, then kindly steped back and politly asked him to gather his things and relocate to an empty row at the rear of the plane. She made it sound like she was being nice, giving him a row of his own to sleep.
Afterwards, she came back and appologised on his behalf.
Its sad, you would never see that kind of service on QF or BA, and well AA - youd have to relocate half the pax

 

[ejb]

I was on an MH flight earlier this year - with a similar situation. I was sitting in an exit row aisle seat, the pax next to me was an elderly man with a very obvious and loud rectal problem. The flight attendant was walking past, heard one of his, shall i call them, releases', she stoped looked right at him, smelt the air, twitched her nose, then kindly steped back and politly asked him to gather his things and relocate to an empty row at the rear of the plane. She made it sound like she was being nice, giving him a row of his own to sleep.

Hi chrizzz14,

It sounds like MH have got the staff an airline needs. The situation was handled carefully but they outcome was great. If only all situations onboard could be handled with this care/compassion.

ejb

 

[medhead]

Ever felt like smothering someone on a flight?
The filthy brute was sniggering, he'd literally hoist a buttock up off the seat and fart at us, say things like, "Better out than in" and even in his sleep it kept on.
Never have I seen or heard anything like him.

You haven't meet me then

What you describe is totally unacceptable. Step one is to loudly discuss exactly how disgusting he is, and point out that your not happy with particles from his cough being in your nose. If that failed then I would have fired back. That is I would have stood up and adopted the correct alignment to allow for a clear shot.

If fighting fire with fire just watch out for the shart

 

[N860CR]

It's pretty entertaining to picture all of the (i'd imagine) fairly classy people here engaging in a "fartoff" in the aisles between the skybeds!

 

[winston]

i think this thread is a bit unfair to all the farters out there. the combination of long haul and being confined to a seat, odd eating hours and low cabin pressure turns me into a gas machine. I try to discretely let off, with the air vents on full blast and hope that the neighbours are not aware... it is a potentially embarrassing, unavoidable, but completely normal bodily function. Getting up every time to relieve yourself in the lavatories would probably be more annoying to those seated nearby who are trying to sleep.

I've never flown A380 but have thought that the quieter cabin would make the issue of excessive flatus an even more embarrassing scenario.

 

[ejb]

i think this thread is a bit unfair to all the farters out there. the combination of long haul and being confined to a seat, odd eating hours and low cabin pressure turns me into a gas machine. I try to discretely let off, with the air vents on full blast and hope that the neighbours are not aware... it is a potentially embarrassing, unavoidable, but completely normal bodily function. Getting up every time to relieve yourself in the lavatories would probably be more annoying to those seated nearby who are trying to sleep.

I've never flown A380 but have thought that the quieter cabin would make the issue of excessive flatus an even more embarrassing scenario.

Everybody does pass gas, but how one does so is at issue here.

I think it is safe to say that you know prior to flying what causes excessive gas and you should stay away from those foods.

I would never go to my local indian takeaway the night before a flight, that is just asking for trouble.

A sensible approach to this situation is all we ask and not to have some bogan lifting their butt off the seat and laughing.

ejb

 

[medhead]

Ummm, what to say. This is probably more about getting the balance correct. But I would also lean towards a zero tolerance approach. I can drive for 8 hours in a car, eating all sorts of rubbish and restrain any gaseous emissions until getting to a pitstop.

Low pressure is a factor but that doesn't last all the way london. So reasonable to get up and expel the excess pressure. My other personal experience of continuing emissions usually indicates that I also need to get up and make use of the smallest room. In those cases, that gives me a good half a day or more without further emission. So personally I see few reasons to have to sit there stewing in my own gas, besides laziness.

 

[samh004]

I usually do my best to hold it in.

 

[codash1099]

I usually do my best to hold it in.

If you do that, the pressure builds up until it goes to your brain, and that's what gives you sh*tty ideas :mrgreen: