Funny things overheard on a plane

[Dyslexic traveler]

I was thinking about funny things you may have overheard on a flight, or funny cabin announcements.
This is one a friend told me about.

From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight , To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.

The Dyslexic Traveler

 

[markis10]

As I mentioned at the airways museum in Melbourne a few weeks ago, it was not unusual sitting on the SYD-MEL radar sector (Sect 4) in the old Sydney Area Approach Control Centre to get an aircraft captain doing the post departure cabin spiel but on the ATC frequency, often mentioning the upcoming view of Wollongong for those seated on the left of the plane, I usually replied that the only view I had was of General Holmes Drive!

 

[ash.1111]

Shame this isn't a "funny things you saw on a plane" thread... I could tell you plenty of funny safety demo mishaps I've had!

One of my favourite PA mishaps was when the CS couldn't remember which way to round Perth daylight saving (coming from Brissy).

It went something like this...

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Perth, where the local time is 4:0..................... oh... um... wait, well now you know what time it is in Brisbane!"

 

[Simo]

I was flying from TSV to BNE one day and the wife said to the husband is this a A380 and he said no not today.

But we are going to MEL so maybe on that trip because it is such a long flight.

I don't think they where statused FF

 

[drron]

Today flying from CTS-NRT on JAL Express.Now on International flights there are always good English speakers,not so much domestically.Japanese do have a problem with L so for example the L in my name is written"ru".So today as we push back the FA announces the Japanese version then our version-"Welcome to your fright on Japan Airines.Your pirate today is Captain Yamada."Fortunately when the Captain came on his English was much better saying-"Good afternoon I am Yamada,your pilot."
If he had said pirate I was out of there!

 

[RWJ777]

You have caused a mild incident with that posting: I was reading it on the bus coming home and I laughed so much, my fellow passengers looked at me like I was deranged!Great story, thanks for brightening an otherwise dire day.

 

[AVC]

To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight.

On a QF flight. "To release the seatbelt, lift the metal tab".

Errr, our belt have buttons, like a conventional vehicle belt.

 

[Happy Trails]

On my last four TG flights in and out of Perth we were informed repeatedly that the flight was a code share with Australian Airlines.

 

[jastel]

Virgin staff used to do funny announcements, haven't been on them for a while, the fun police probably stopped them now.
Stuff Like - welcome to "wrong city", wait for passengers to start did she say?...., then they say Just Testing we are in "right city"
- please take your bags with you, bags left behind will be sold for the staff Xmas fund.

One Qantas flight from NZ just before takeoff when there was a big bang and the plane shook. The captain said "Ladies and gentleman a truck has just hit us please get off and go to gate xx for information."

Funniest thing I saw was when the hostie opened up the safety gear demo stuff a large (5cm) moth flew out as well, she dropped the gear and ran screaming to the other end of the plane.

 

[robd]

I was thinking about funny things you may have overheard on a flight, or funny cabin announcements.
This is one a friend told me about.

From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight , To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.

The Dyslexic Traveler

They did that spiel on my flight with them last year. They also mention about retrieving your carry-on from the overhead lockers after the flight, and how your luggage has likely missed you, and will try to "kiss you" on your head if your not careful.

Good fun and gives you a chuckle.

 

[richie9x]

I once had a flight were the pilot launched into his normal spiel "ladies and gentlemen this is you captain speaking. Welcome aboard flight ..." then a long pause of about 2 minutes and then he announced the flight. At the end he did say he did know where we were going and the delay was because air traffic control interrupted his announcement.

On MAS I always find the announcements in Bahasa Melau amusing as they start off with "Tuan-tuan dan puan-puan ..." it sounds like baby talk.

 

[tuapekastar]

I read about this one (allegedly true):

"Cabin crew please disarm doors and cross dress"

 

[hummel]

On our return journey last week from Europe the TG Captain announced: Welcome aboard TG471 to Sydney, the sky is nice.... we expect on time arrival'

It was good to know the sky was nice... I wouldn't want it too be bad

Also, on DJ SYD-MEL on the A330 the cabin manager instructed the crew to disarm doors and cross check.. I believe he was meant to say arm the doors, he then received a ribbing from his pretty young colleague

 

[jetlagger]

On a QF flight SYD/MNL some years ago.. The Captain announced... 'For those that maybe interested, horse xx_ just won the Melbourne Cup.."
Such a nice touch..

 

[Mattg]

Once when the FA had to read the safety briefing, the lady said "during the likely event of an emergency"...

 

[ozbeachbabe]

On a BI flight BWN/RGN the F/A told us to "not use any electronic device as it may change the plane"! :shock:

 

[Must...Fly!]

On a QF flight SYD/MNL some years ago.. The Captain announced... 'For those that maybe interested, horse xx_ just won the Melbourne Cup.."
Such a nice touch..

On a similar note, flying SIN-LHR when the ALP leadership ballot was going on...just prior to descent the captain announced the result.

However I had made use of the onboard comms system and gotten the word just as it happened via SMS! I guess it was waste of $3 in the end

 

[kpc]

On MAS I always find the announcements in Bahasa Melau amusing as they start off with "Tuan-tuan dan puan-puan ..." it sounds like baby talk.

My non Malay speaking +1 burst out laughing the first time she heard it..."Gentlemen and ladies..." for those that need an interpretation; interesting that men come before ladies...

 

[casanovawa]

I was on a South West flight earlier this year and heard that, or a very similar, pre flight spiel from a young female FA... And yes it did have me listening more than usual...

 

[mella2007]

I remember the days when Virgin used to say they had cameras in the toilets...everyone glanced around at that comment and the FA said "Ha Ha We're Joking, get it?"